Forsaken Desires (The Deepest Desires 2)

chapter forty-six

Aston

It’s been a week since Knox and I confessed our feelings to one another. Spending the night with him lying in my arms was everything. We’ve spent a lot of time together since—none of it alone, though. Weston and I helped him move his shit out of his parents’ house while his mom was gone the other day.

He has court next week for his dad. He may not outright say it, but I can tell he’s nervous. Anytime one of us has tried to talk to him about it, he avoids eye contact entirely or tries to change the subject. He’s going to have to face this, but it has to be when he’s ready. We can’t force him.

Katie had to fly back to Georgia for the rest of the summer. Before this situation, my feelings toward her were pretty indifferent—she was always nice, but we weren’t friends or anything. Now, I can see why Knox is so close with her. Her support, love, and friendship with him is everything he needs. She was a shoulder to lean on, a judgment-free ear when he felt he had no one. All this shit was going on with him, and he didn’t even feel he could confide in Weston or Branson—his best fucking friends. I appreciate her role in his life so much more now.

The night I spent with him last week, we talked in depth about everything he went through. His dad’s reaction to the gay porn, the hooker, the abuse, his self-harm. It all made me sick to my stomach, furious, and heartbroken for him at the same time. Now that I know what I know, I’m glad I laid into his dad when I did, but fuck, he deserves so much more.

I’m on my way to Weston’s now, bringing them lunch. My cousins have been visiting from out of town for the last few days, and they went home this morning. I’ve been itching to see Knox. As soon as I dropped them off at the airport, I headed his way.

Knocking on Weston’s door, his mom answers. “Well, hi, honey.”

“Hi, Mrs. Delaney. How’re you?”

“Doing well, sweetie. Come on in. How’re you?”

“I’m great, thanks.”

“The boys are in the rec room. You’re free to go find them.” Weston’s parents are some of the most warm, welcoming people I’ve ever met in my life. Knox told me when he was a teenager, he’d spend a lot of time here to escape his dad, and I can see why.

“Thank you.” Walking down the hall to where they’re at, a chuckle falls from my lips at the memory of the last time I was here. Katie on top of Weston. Them making out. Knox having a fucking conniption.

“Knock, knock,” I say, rapping my knuckles on the closed door. Opening the door, my eyes immediately fall to where Knox is sitting on the recliner. “Oh, good. I was worried I was going to walk in on Knox straddling you,” I say sarcastically, dragging my gaze from Knox to Weston.

“Fuck off, Walker. Your boy’s only gay for you. Don’t get your hackles up.”

“Can I just fucking ask—what the hell was up with that the other night anyway?” Sauntering over, I take on the couch closest to Knox. “What about Jessica? Aren’t you guys still dating?”

“We’re on a fucking break!”

Looking at Knox for some guidance, he’s absolutely no help, biting his lip, and trying to contain a laugh. “Okay, chill out, Ross Geller,” I tease, holding my hands up in a mock surrender. “No need to fucking explode; it’s just a question.”

Knox is laughing so hard at this point, he can’t catch his breath. Slapping his knee, he inhales a big gulp of air. “Okay, okay, fuck!” More laughter. “This hurts. Quit making me laugh, you asshole. Weston’s irritated because I just asked him the same fucking question, almost word for word. They’re apparently broken up, and he didn’t cheat on her.” Resting his hand on his stomach, he exhales a big breath, tears glimmering in his eyes from laughing so hard.

“Well, damn, Weston. How am I supposed to know that, ya psycho? I just got here. No need to bite my head off.”

“Sorry,” he grumbles. “That our food?”

“Yeah, burgers. It was easy and closest to the airport.”

We dig in, eating and watching the movie they had on before I got here, The Irishman. Knox is having a hell of a time managing everything one-handed, including eating his burger. Probably should’ve got us something a bit easier to eat. “Sorry, Knoxy. Burgers probably weren’t the best option.”

“Nah, man. It’s cool. It’s going to be on for like two months. I gotta get used to it somehow.”

Risking getting decked in the face, I turn to Weston. “So, what happened with Jessica? Why the break?”

“It’s dumb. She was pissed that I wasn’t able to text her or FaceTime with her as much when Knox was in the hospital. Told her she was being a selfish bitch, and she told me to fuck off.”

“Goddamn, dude.”

“I feel a little bad for saying that to her, but fuck. Where is her fucking compassion?”

“Have you guys talked at all since?”

“Briefly. She’s back in Connecticut for the summer and I’m here, so we basically just apologized to each other and said we’ll reassess shit when we return to school in the fall.”

“Free man for the summer, huh?”

“Oh, yeah,” he deadpans.

“So, this thing with Katie?”

“Was nothing more than what you saw,” he finishes, staring at me pointedly with one eyebrow raised.

“Mmhm. Suuure.”

“Knock it off, Aston,” Knox growls. “They aren’t fucking happening.”

“You’re so weird, dude. You act like her possessive older brother. She can fuck who she wants.”

He’s seething, which does nothing but make me laugh harder. He really is like her brother and his fury is hilarious. Despite our feelings for each other, and whatever this relationship is becoming, it’s still just as funny to fuck with him now as it was when we hated each other. That’ll probably never fade.

******

Managing to talk Knox into sleeping over at my house tonight, we’re currently lying together in my bed, his head on my chest, and giant cast on my stomach. “Where’s your head with all this? How’re you feeling about court next week?” I ask softly, my cheek resting on his hair.

“Fine. I’m sure it’ll all be fine.”

“Hey, talk to me. Please.”

Letting out a ragged breath, he says into my chest, “It’s hard, okay? Opening up, talking about my feelings, being fucking vulnerable. It’s hard.”

“It is hard, but it’s what I’m here for. If we’re going to make this work, get anywhere together, we have to trust each other. So, talk to me.” He takes a deep breath, seeming to think over his words.

“Truthfully? My head’s all over the fucking place. This fucking cast makes it so I can’t do shit for myself, my mom’s a fucking cunt who has never once put me first, my dad is a piece of shit, I have absolutely no idea how court will go or if he’ll even be charged. If he isn’t, I don’t know what I’ll do.” The way he says the last part, with a tinge of fear, breaks my heart. Knox isn’t a scared person, but his fucking dad, of all people, has made him feel this way.

“Knox, there’s no fucking way he won’t be charged. What he did is written clear as day all over your body. No judge is going to ignore all of that evidence, and you have one of the best lawyers in the business.” My dad and his firm are representing Knox, and it’s not a lie that they’re the best. My dad’s a fucking shark; he’ll do whatever he can to get Knox the justice he’s owed.

“Besides,” I continue. “Weston and I are here for you, man. Regardless of whatever sentence he receives, he’s never laying a hand on you again. I’ll fucking kill him with my bare hands if I have to.”

He looks up at me with unshed tears lining his eyes. “Thank you, Aston. Fucking thank you for everything. For being here. For not giving up on me. I—”

His voice cracks, a single tear falling down his cheek. He goes to look away, hide from me, but I don’t fucking think so. Gripping his chin with my thumb and index finger, forcing him to look at me, I level my gaze with him. “Do not fucking hide from me, Knox. You need to yell, cry, scream? You do it, baby. But you don’t hide from me. I’m not going to think less of you, judge you, or leave you for feeling how you fucking feel. You aren’t alone anymore. You don’t have to hide or battle any of this by yourself.”

The tears are falling steadily now, eyebrows drawn together, bottom lip pulled between his teeth. He’s never looked more beautiful than he does now. Cut open. Raw. Trusting. Vulnerable. Mine. Wiping a tear away with my thumb, bringing my face down to his, I hover over his mouth for a moment, breathing him in. His lips part as he watches me with hooded eyes. My tongue dips out, running over his bottom lip. He sucks in a big gulp of air, but doesn’t move a muscle.

Swiping my tongue over his lip again, before sucking it into my mouth, I’m careful not to suck too hard since it’s still healing from the split. His eyes drift closed as I feel goosebumps break out over his skin, his body trembling below me.

Pushing him until he’s lying on his back, and getting up to straddle his hips, I bring my lips back down on his, kissing him for real this time. His mouth parts for me instantly, sighing deeply when my tongue tangles with his. His good arm comes up, hand fisting my shirt near my hip.

Warmth floods my entire body, my cock dripping and throbbing inside my pants. Kissing him harder, slipping my hands under his shirt, the feel of his hot skin under my fingers causes a shudder to roll through me. Grinding my hips into his, his hard length rubs against mine. The need to fuck him into this mattress is overwhelming, but I can’t. The doctor said no strenuous activity until he’s been cleared.

I gotta rein it in. Go slow, gentle.

Pressing one last kiss on his lips, I pull back, placing my arms on either side of his head. I let my eyes wander across his face before placing feather-soft kisses along every cut and bruise. A single tear falls down his face again, and I wipe it away with my thumb. The backs of my eyes burn, throat clogging with emotion.

“You are everything, Knox.” My voice is cracked and raspy. “You deserve the whole goddamn world. I hate that anyone ever made you feel like you didn’t. I’ll gladly spend the rest of my fucking life showing you how much you mean to me, what you do to me, and how fucking special you are.”

“Please kiss me,” he whispers.

“Gladly,” I sigh, covering his mouth with mine. I don’t know how long we lie there like that, making out and holding each other. When we finally fall asleep, it’s tangled up with each other, not an inch of space between us. He lets me hold him all night long.