I Never Expected You (I Never 2)

“Say something, motherfucker!” I grab the collar of his shirt and slam him against the wall, my rage pouring off me like sweat. “You fucking died and left us all to pick up the pieces, and she couldn’t handle it, so instead of leaning on us—she fucking ran.”

Em’s hands touch the top of my shoulders and squeeze. It’s written all over his face; he knows it. He looks down, and when his eyes meet mine, they are filled with tears matching my own.

“I’m sorry,” is all he can manage to say over and over again.

Fuck, I miss him.

The front door opens, and a familiar male voice says, “Hey, man, I didn’t expect you home so soon. I went and grabbed pizza and beer—I was too tired from unpacking to cook. Want a slice?”

“Yeah, sure, sounds good.”

I stand and follow Ky to the kitchen.

He sets the pizza box on the island, lifting it to reveal a mushroom-and-sausage pizza. Oh, fuck yeah, my favorite. At least my stomach can be happy.

We both take a seat as Kyler cracks open a beer, handing it to me before opening one for himself. The way we are consuming the pizza, you would think we’ve been starving for days.

“So, how was graduation?”

I’m not ready to come to terms with my sister up and leaving without even saying goodbye, just leaving a note, not to mention the imaginary conversation I just had with my dead best friend. I should keep my answer short.

“Yeah, it was good.”

And I mean, it’s not a total lie—graduation itself was good, given the circumstances. I was so proud to see my sister walk across the stage, especially with everything she had been through lately.

“How were things here? You get all settled? Sorry I wasn’t here to help.”

“Oh no worries, I had it handled. My sister’s boyfriend and a friend of his helped me. It was pretty easy.”

“Good deal. Well, welcome home.”

“Thanks.”

I finish my second slice of pizza and down the rest of my beer. “Well, I’m fucking beat. I’m gonna head to bed—it’s been a long weekend.”

I rise from my seat and throw the empty bottle away.

“Yeah, no problem. I’ll see ya tomorrow.”

I turn and head to my room. Once I close the door, I sit on the edge of my bed and call my parents to check in, and of course, no news yet. I shoot Haylee a quick text, and that’s a dead end too. I lie back on the pillow and decide to send a text for what seems to be the millionth time in twenty-four hours.

Me: Dani, what the fuck were you thinking? Please, just call me. Are you okay?!

No response, just like the rest. Sleep doesn’t come, and my mind is racing. I feel like I’ve gone back in time and am suffering through a loss all over again. I cover my eyes with my forearm to hide the tears even though there is no one in my room to see. I never expected life to turn out so fucked-up. Where was the damn warning label?

I sit by the phone all night waiting for a call, text, just something letting me know she’s okay, but it never comes.

Me: I miss you.

Me: Why won’t you call me? Just let me know you’re okay.

Me: We can get through this together, Dani.

Summertime used to be my favorite time of the year: no school, beach trips with the family, and spending all hours in Dani and Zach’s pool. This summer, it’s not my favorite. It’s my first summer without both my brother and best friend. My time by myself here before heading off to college in the fall is just a reminder of all I have lost.

Zach decided to stay at the apartment in Philly. He’s taking a few classes over the summer and working as well. I talk to him just about every day. It’s nice to be close with a Jacobs still, even if he’s not the one I would rather turn to. We both have suffered the same loss, a sibling and a best friend. I may have said goodbye to my brother permanently, but Zach has no idea where his sister even is.

Is she even okay? Is she ever coming home?