I Never Let You Go (I Never 3)

“So how are you feeling, mama? We didn’t get to talk more the other night at dinner.”

A glowing smile appears on her face from ear to ear at my nickname. Her hands drop to her still-flat stomach, although I assume with carrying twins, it might not be flat too much longer. I remember seeing photos of my mom when she was pregnant with Kate and me, and she popped pretty early. “I’m good—tired, and keeping things down is a little tough. I ended up being later to work this morning because of the morning sickness. Although I have no clue why it’s called morning sickness when it can last all day long.” She winces at the thought of vomit, and while I usually would too, I glance over at the roses and end up letting out a laugh thinking back to Finn puking in my bushes.

I hold my hand up to apologize and nibble on my thumbnail.

“So how does my brother feel about all this?”

“He’s so excited about it. When we were at the doctor’s, and they said they heard two heartbeats instead of just one, not including my own, I thought he was going to pass out.” This time when I laugh, she laughs with me. “But we are just so happy.” Dani makes a funny face. “Although when I sent him out to the store last week at 11:00 p.m. to pick me up some cookies and cream ice cream, I don’t think he was too happy. But he delivered it back with a smile on his face.”

“That sounds about right.” I have loved watching Dani and Kyler’s relationship grow from the beginning. They are going to be amazing parents to those babies.

“By the way, don’t think I didn’t notice how you did that ‘smooth Lawson family subject change thing.’ You forget I know that move well—I did marry a Lawson after all.”

As I open my mouth to explain, the bell rings, indicating the students will be returning from gym class at any moment. I shrug—saved by the bell.

She pushes up from my desk, gives one last look to the beautiful flowers, and walks toward the door. She stops just before exiting and spins around. “You know, I don’t mind if you lie to me, but I think you should probably stop lying to yourself, Laur. It clearly wasn’t”—she releases her hold on the doorframe and uses her hands to make air quotes—“nothing. Just think about it.” With that, she is out the door. Oh, trust me, Dani, it’s all I can think about.

I adjust my clothing and composure as the students begin to pile back into the classroom with their little red and sweaty faces before I continue with today’s lesson plan.

A large glass of sweet Moscato - check.

Black leggings - check.

One of my favorite Belle Willis books on my Kindle - check.

I can’t think of a better way to end a long day. I soak up the silence living alone brings, especially after a day like today, when my usually sweet students were replaced with wild versions of themselves after gym class. But as much as I love my routine here, it feels as though something is missing. I wrap the blanket around me that just the other night, I had used to cover a drunken, passed-out Finn on my couch.

I bring the fabric to my nose and inhale. Woah, what am I doing? Did I expect it to still smell like him? Why do I feel a sense of disappointment come over me when it no longer holds his familiar scent?

I need to stop thinking about him, but I can’t help but wonder what he is doing? How does he spend his evenings? I know that he lives with his sister right now, but does he go out? Does he date? Jealousy fills my mind at the thought of Finn with another woman. I have no right to feel that way, especially when we are what, friends? I can’t let little things like that get under my skin; he is allowed to do whatever he wants just like I am. Yet, I turned down another date offer. To add fuel to my internal fire, I glance over at the vase of flowers I brought home and set on the end table. What does all this mean?

Running my hands over my face in frustration, I have no clue what to do or feel. I need to free my mind of Finn, so I set my Kindle into my lap and open one of my favorites from Belle Willis and allow myself to get lost in someone else’s love story.

My favorite potato-loving hockey player is currently teasing his leading lady with his tongue ring along her neck. There is so much sexual tension between these two, I feel like I’m ready to combust. I reach for my wine and take a large sip. Oh my, Belle writes some seriously steamy heroes. Tongue rings are so sexy.

I will find out if she tastes as good as she smells, but if I learned anything from book club, it’s that chicks can’t resist a slow burn. I’ll take this so slow we’ll burn like incense.

His thoughts couldn’t be any more accurate. There is nothing sexier than the sexual tension built in a slow-burn romance novel. Shit, Belle could have been easily describing Finn and me there. I really might be losing it.

My phone chimes on the coffee table, and I set my Kindle down. I can’t help but wonder who is interrupting when things were just getting good. It’s probably Dani wanting to talk more about the flowers. When I look at the screen, it’s not her name though. The message is from an unknown number.

Unknown: Hey.

Me: Who is this?

I stare at the number, and it hits me like a ton of bricks that I know exactly who this is.

Unknown: It’s Finn. Jeez, did you not save my number the other day.

Me: Well, I would have if you had given it to me. But…

Unknown: Holy shit, I didn’t give you my number back, did I?

I can’t hold back my laughter. Did Finn think that he gave me his number? Although I can’t judge. It wasn’t until the end of the school day today when I wanted to text him to say thank you that I realized I didn’t have it. Now that I know he thought that, does he think I was just ignoring him and not grateful for the flowers?

Instead of asking my brother for his number and risking even more questions, I just figured I would need to wait until I inevitably ran into him.

Me: Nope.