I Never Let You Go (I Never 3)

Kate narrows her eyes at me when she hands me one.

Everyone downs the shot. I welcome the burn. Small talk overtakes the table, and I learn that Cami went to college with Kyler, Zach, and Haylee, and Ryan was one of their professors. That sounds like a story for another time.

I love how everyone has made me feel welcome—that is, except Lauren. She has had her back to me the entire time, while she whispers with Kate. Kate isn’t the best at being discreet about things, so of course I know they were talking at me with every glance she threw in my direction over Lauren’s shoulder.

“I’ll get the next round.” Lauren is out of her seat and walking toward the bar before I can even turn in her direction to offer help. I get up to follow her. I find her firmly tapping her fingers against the bar while waiting for more drinks.

“Lauren, we need to talk.”

“I don’t have anything to say to you.” She doesn’t turn around, but at least she acknowledged me, so that’s a start. I step up next to her as she turns to face me, her elbow propping up on the bar top. Flashbacks of our run-in at the wedding come back; the same hostility, if not more, radiates off her. “And what are you even doing here? I thought you were gone.”

Gone? Before I have the chance to ask where I would go and to tell her that I had told her I wasn’t going anywhere, the bartender places two trays of drinks down.

She picks one up, and I pick up the other. She doesn’t say another word back to the table. Setting the trays down, we pass out the drinks. In a low voice, I say, “Lo, we seriously need talk.”

“All right, all right,” a man on the stage says in his best Matthew McConaughey impression. “Looks like we have a newbie on the stage tonight. Please welcome Lauren to the stage.”

“Excuse me.” Lauren brushes past me and makes her way toward the stage. The seat next to me, though, does not stay empty for long. The sound of the chair screeching against the floor has me turning my direction to eyes just like Lauren’s.

“What are you doing here?” Kate asks in a stern voice. “I thought you left.”

Okay, there it is again. “Why does everyone think I left? I was in Seattle for work for a few days.”

Kate looks up toward the stage and then scoots closer. “Lauren went by your office yesterday, and your secretary said that you went back to Seattle. I spent the evening consoling my sister because she was a mess. She was ready to give you her heart again, which honestly I think has been yours this whole time, but she thought you left her again.”

No matter how much of a tough front Kate Lawson puts up for most people, I know the real her. The person who will do anything for her siblings, and when they hurt, she hurts. I can feel the hurt that Kate feels, so I know that what Lauren must have felt was excruciating. No wonder she left me that voicemail. My head hangs in my hands, and my shoulders slump.

Kate touches my shoulder, and when I glance up at her, she nods toward the stage. I turn the same time the spotlight shines on my girl, and the first few notes of the song begin to play. All talk at the table stops, or maybe I just tune them all out because my whole attention is on Lauren.

I don’t even know the last time I had heard her sing, but it was well before we broke up. When the song title appeared on the screen, I knew this was going to tug and crush my heart a little. But I didn’t realize how much until her brown eyes met mine. That was all it took, and I was done for.

My eyes never leave hers as she sings “Goodbye to You” by Michelle Branch. I run a hand over my stubble and swallow thickly as I fight back the emotion I can feel coming off her. My heart is breaking as I realize she is singing this to me. She thinks I abandoned her. I will never leave her again. Fuck, I should have told her I was going. No wonder she hates me. The entire bar disappears, and she is singing just to me. She keeps her eyes on me the whole time, never straying. I know that she feels this pull between us: I can feel it in her words, see it in her eyes. I feel it deep in my soul, but why is she saying goodbye? We can finally be us again.

As the music fades and the applause grows, I know now is my chance, but as I make my way to the stage, she takes a quick right and heads for the bathroom. She might be far away, but I didn’t miss the tears she wiped away as she walked through the crowd.

I want nothing more than to pull her into my arms and take all the pain away, especially the pain that I caused, and give her all my love. I push past the crowd and follow her to the dark hallway. Here goes nothing… Actually, no—here goes everything.

When the song ends, I ignore the cheers and applause and escape the stage as quickly as I can. I head straight for the bathroom to splash water on my face. When I came out tonight, I definitely did not expect to run into Finn. What is he even doing here? His assistant said he left to go back to Seattle. Maybe I shouldn’t have deleted his voicemail from earlier.

I also hadn’t expected to have been hit with so many emotions at once, but we needed this. This was our goodbye. As I go to close the door behind me, a firm hand pushes the door open. What the hell? Finn makes his way into the small room with me.

“What the hell are you doing? Do you have any idea of personal space or what?” I spit out, staring at his reflection in the mirror. He is the last person I want to see right now.

Finn leans against the door and reaches behind him, and the sound of the lock clicking fills the empty room. He never takes his eyes off me. I bring my bottom lip between my teeth as tension fills the room.

“Finn, I need you to leave. Please. Just go. I can’t do this right now.”

He takes one step toward me and then another. My heart beats faster, just being enclosed in this small space with him. I hold the countertop tightly, my nails trying to leave a mark. He still has not said anything, but his eyes never leave mine. There is an intensity to them that I have never seen before.

Finn stands directly behind me and spins me around to face him. “Stop!” I throw my hands against his chest. “I can’t do this with you. Please.” I beg him with my eyes. My vision is beginning to blur as tears spill over.

“Lo.” He places his hands on the back of my neck and settles his forehead against mine. I hold my breath with his closeness. His scent surrounds me. “Lo, look at me.” His voice is low and stern, so I do. “I love you, and I would say it’s pretty clear from that performance that you still love me.” I turn away, and his fingers pinch my chin to bring my gaze back to his. “So, I need you to explain to me what the fuck are you doing fighting this?”

I try to pull back from his grasp, but he tightens it and steps even closer to me. I shake my head. I can’t hear him say these things. ”It’s not that easy.”

“Why not?” He grips my arms tighter.

“I can’t. We can’t. I need you to leave. It’s what you’re best at, Finn.”