I Never Knew Love 'til You (I Never 4)

The patio is silent, aside from the echo of laughter and music coming from the house. I’m not sure what Finn’s definition of low-key is, but I would hate to see what going all out is.

I’m not fully familiar with Dani’s past, but I have been given the CliffsNotes version. If anyone were to understand where my head is at, it would be her.

Dani used to be in a relationship with Haylee’s brother, Emmett, but he was killed in a car accident in college. I can’t imagine losing the love of your life at such a young age—at least I had a few more years with Court. I can’t imagine trying to process grief then. Hell, I still don’t understand it now.

I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees. “Can I ask you a question? I don’t want to upset you, so feel free to just tell me to fuck off.”

She giggles softly. “Ask away.”

“How do you do it? How do you forgive yourself enough to move on? You have a beautiful life, a wonderful husband that adores you, and two beautiful children. How do you do it and not let the grief consume you?”

She snickers. I bunch my brows. That wasn’t exactly the response I expected. “Do you want the seventeen-year-old-Danielle answer or the today-Danielle answer because honestly, they are two completely different outcomes.” She pauses and takes a deep breath. “The seventeen-year-old version of me would tell you to run. When I look back on the past, I’ll admit it—I’m ashamed of how I acted. There are so many memories and moments that I missed out on because I let my grief and my guilt at having a future that Emmett was robbed of. I missed birthdays, holidays, watching my brother graduate college. When I came back, I wasn’t even sure what life would look like or if my family could forgive me. I have to live with the choices I made for the rest of my life. What I also have to live with is the loss. It’s never going to go away, but I carry him in here.” She places her hand over her heart.

“When I first met Kyler, I was still deep in my grief, but slowly, he pulled me out of the darkness. Do I still have rough days? Sure.” She holds her hands out, showing this very moment. “But I have Kyler by my side to guide me through it.”

Would having Kate by my side ease my guilt?

“I don’t know what it’s like to lose a spouse or to be forced to parent alone.” She blows out a loud breath. “I couldn’t even fathom doing it without Ky. But you can keep yourself locked up and miss out on so many things and spend the one life you’re given living in the past, or you can take a chance. I know it can be terrifying, but I can tell you from experience, it can turn out to be absolutely amazing.”

A breeze blows past us, causing us both to shiver.

“We should probably head back inside. We might freeze out here if we wait any longer.” We both rise at the same time.

“I hope I didn’t overstep at all,” Dani says as I usher her inside.

“No, it was actually very helpful. Thank you.” I shut the sliding door behind us.

Dani catches me off guard by throwing her arms around me in a hug. “Sorry, we’re huggers in this family.” She giggles as she pulls back. “I’m here anytime you need to talk.”

When we return to the crowd, I catch Kate heading to the bathroom. Dani’s words replay in my mind. “Or you can take a chance.” If I were to take that risk, I’d want it to be with Kate; however, before taking that plunge, I need to get her to talk to me first. This might be my only shot. I check on Andy, who is staring at the babies lying on the blanket on the floor. Both Andy’s and Emme’s expressions are like what the fuck? I slip away to the hallway and lean back against the wall and wait for her to come out. If I’m right here, blocking her way, she’ll have no choice but to give me her attention.

The door swings open, and darkness consumes the hallway. I’m already standing in the shadows partially, so I don’t draw attention to myself.

“Jaxon,” Kate breathes. Her hand is clutching her chest. “What are you doing?”

I push off the wall and close the distance between us. “What I should have done the other night instead of running.” I walk us back into the bathroom, turn on the light, and close the door, flicking the lock with a loud click.

Hauling her into my arms, I lift her until she sits on the counter of the sink. I step between her spread legs and thread my fingers into the curled strands of her silky hair.

The temperature rises at least twenty degrees in the small space as I lean forward and capture her lips with mine. At first, her body tenses in my grasp, but after a few swipes of my tongue, she deepens the kiss and pulls me closer, wrapping her legs around my waist.

“I believe I owe you an orgasm.”

I quickly flip the button on her pants and instruct her to lift her hips. We don’t have much time, so I need to make this quick.

With her pants and thong discarded to the side, I glide my hands up her thighs, spreading her legs to reveal her wet pussy and swollen clit, begging to be explored with my tongue. She places her hands behind her on the counter to brace herself as I lower my mouth and take a long lick of her sweet cunt. Fuck, she tastes addicting. My dick has never been harder.

“Jaxon, move.”

“What?” I look up from between her thighs and meet her heated gaze, only it’s anger there, not desire.

“Jaxon, I said move. You’re in the way.” Her voice is stone-cold.

I blink and let my eyes adjust to the darkness, realizing I had just been lost in my fantasy of how things would go if I followed her.

“Can we talk?”

“No, I don’t think so. The time to talk has come and gone. The time to talk—” Her voice raises a little but not enough to draw attention to us in the hallway. Her nostrils flare as she closes the distance between us and pokes my chest with her manicured finger. “—was days ago, but you ran away like a fucking coward. You can hide behind your words, but I got the message fucking loud and clear, asshole.”

I deserve those words.

She turns to leave, but I grip her wrist, stopping her. “I’m sorry.”

“You know, you give out shitty apologies like the NFL gives Tom Brady Super Bowl rings.”

Kate pulls her wrist from my grasp and turns to walk away. This time, I let her. I fall back against the wall and give myself a moment before returning.

“We can be ‘decent’ to each other, but we’re not friends, and I sure as shit won’t ever let that happen again.”

I’m not really sure what I expected to happen. Kate isn’t the type to just cave. She stands her ground and gives hell back. It’s one of the many things I like about her. But clearly, I fucked up beyond repair this time.