By Virtue I Fall (Sins of the Fathers 3)

“I could say the same to you, right? Only you have a bodyguard with benefits.”

I tensed. “There’s nothing between Santino and I.”

Clifford’s expression made it clear that he didn’t believe me.

“I’m not lying. We don’t sleep with each other and we definitely aren’t in love.”

Technically neither was a lie. I had the tiniest crush that I had every intention of killing very soon.

“Maybe that’s true. But I remember the way he looked at you when he caught us kissing, and today again when we announced our engagement. He wants you.”

I shook my head.

“Maybe he doesn’t want to admit it because you’re off limits, but trust me, he wants you, and I can tell that you wouldn’t say no.”

I shrugged. “So what, you said I could have fun.”

“Definitely. Just make sure it stays that, just fun.”

“Don’t worry.”

When the guests finally left late that night, I could finally breathe a sigh of relief. It had been a long day. I wasn’t sure what I’d thought I would feel after I got engaged to Clifford, maybe a stronger sense of peace with my future. But my conversation with Clifford today hadn’t laid my worries to rest. He and I were bound by duty, not by emotions. He had someone he enjoyed spending time with and I had to trust that he wouldn’t get emotionally attached and either cancel our marriage or enter it being in love with someone else.

I didn’t try to dwell on the part of me that hoped Clifford would break our bond at some point. That wouldn’t reflect well on the Outfit. I put on my pajamas but was too restless for sleep so I snuck out of my room, hoping I wouldn’t cross paths with Mom and Dad. Mom would definitely want to talk to me after my engagement. If today hadn’t been as busy as it was, she probably would already have taken me aside for a talk. She wanted to make sure I was okay, and I wasn’t sure I was in a state of mind to lie as convincingly as a conversation with Mom about Clifford required.

I hurried across the hall to Leonas’s room. I knocked, then waited impatiently.

“Who is it?”

“It’s me,” I hissed, glancing up and down the hallway nervously. I could hear voices downstairs. Mom and Dad were probably still discussing the day’s events.

“Come in!”

I slipped in and closed the door.

Leonas perched on his windowsill, his legs dangling outside, a cigarette in his mouth. He threw a glance over his shoulder. He was still in his dress shirt and elegant pants but had dropped his tie and jacket on the floor.

“If I were Dad, you’d be in major trouble,” I said as I closed the door and walked toward him.

“Dad always knocks. You are the only one who doesn’t knock.” He took another drag.

“I did knock this time,” I muttered. Now that Leonas was getting older, I was protecting myself by knocking. I didn’t want to catch him doing things I’d never be able to erase from my mind.

I climbed onto the sill beside him, even if I wasn’t too fond of the prospect of falling to my death.

“You aren’t supposed to smoke,” I said with a smirk.

Leonas blew smoke into my face, making me cough. “You really wanna play who’s more in trouble with Dad?”

“As of now, I’m not in trouble. I’ve been good as far as Dad knows.” I held out my hand. “Give me a cigarette.”

He fumbled for one in the pack balancing on his thigh then gave it to me with that annoying knowing smile. “Yeah, you’re better at hiding your trouble-seeking ways.”

I shoved it into my mouth. “To be fair, you aren’t even trying to play the good kid most days.”

Leonas shrugged. “Dad’s stricter with me anyway.”

“Comes with being a boy,” I said around the cigarette in my mouth.

“Santino hates when you smoke.”

“I know, but he’s not here now, is he,” I said. “Now shut up and give me fire.”

He lit up my cigarette. “Bitch.”

“Asshole.” I smiled sweetly, took a deep drag then coughed.

Leonas shook his head. “You’re just doing it to piss him off.”

“And you’re doing half the shit you’re up to, to piss Dad off.” I leaned my head on his shoulder. “Let me have some fun.” I took another, even deeper pull, coughed even harder, and handed the cigarette to Leonas who put it in his mouth as well. He looked ridiculous with the two smokes in his mouth. Only the brainless groupies crushing on him would think his quirks were cool. “You can have all the fun you want for all I care. Mom and Dad probably won’t see it that way though.”

“I won’t tell if you don’t tell.”

“Works for me, sis.”

I grinned then took another drag. I never really liked smoking. Leonas was right, in the beginning, I did it to piss Santino off. Now it’s become a stupid habit whenever I’m anxious.