You Were Mine (Rosemary Beach 9)

She didn’t respond right away. I knew she hadn’t been expecting me to blame this on a past relationship. If she only knew it had been eight years since it ended. “I didn’t know. You hadn’t mentioned anyone.”

I let her think about it and decide what she wanted to do. Either way, I was good with it.

The valet pulled her car up, and I turned to her.

“I can get another car home if you prefer,” I said, almost hoping that was what she preferred.

She frowned and shook her head. “No. I’ll take you home. I’m willing to give it more time.”

I wasn’t sure I had the energy for this. Using London to distract me from Bethy was wrong. I didn’t need to waste her time. I was a lost cause and completely out of reach for what she wanted.

Bethy

Aunt Darla met me at the clubhouse the next morning. The woman never looked concerned, so the worried frown between her brows didn’t bode well.

“’Morning, Aunt Darla,” I said.

She didn’t even pretend to smile. “Come into my office. We need to talk,” she said, then turned and headed that way.

I hadn’t been called to her office to talk since before I started dating Jace. She’d threatened to fire me if I kept having sex with club members on the property. The truth was, I’d only been having sex with Jace. I had gotten a reputation because of my drinking and partying, but I didn’t sleep with more than one guy at a time. Even if I had been accused of it.

I followed her into her office and closed the door. She was standing with her arms crossed over her chest as she studied me. What in the world did she think I had done? My life was pretty uneventful. There had been no partying, drinking, or sex in a very long time, just socializing with good friends.

“What’s going on with you and Tripp Newark?” she asked. “I would have thought you knew better than that. Do you remember what happened the last time you messed around with him? I know you’ve been hurting and missing Jace. I want you to move on as much as anyone else, but not with Tripp. What he did to you is what guys like him do. Jace was an exception. But Tripp will eventually marry well for money. He ran from you once before, Bethy. And left you pregnant.” At the word “pregnant,” she stopped her tirade and took a ragged breath.

“Nothing is going on with us. What have you heard?” I asked, still unsure who would have told my aunt Darla something. No one had any idea what happened at the wedding.

“I didn’t need someone to tell me anything. I was there last night. I watched you looking at him all night long. Then, when he finally took a moment to notice you existed, I saw something in his eyes, too. Don’t go there, Bethann. Did you see the woman he was with? That’s the type he’ll marry. Next time he knocks you up, you may not miscarry. What happens then? We both know you won’t go through with an abortion.”

Miscarry? What? “Back up. What do you mean, I may not miscarry next time? I didn’t miscarry the last time. You took me to the abortion clinic. Remember?”

Aunt Darla stiffened, and something flashed across her face that I didn’t understand. “Bethann, I never took you to an abortion clinic. I told you that I would help you do something with that baby. You cried for twenty-four hours straight. I made an appointment out of town at an OB-GYN’s private office. I didn’t want to run the risk of running into anyone who knew us. When we got there, you were cramping. The nurse took you back. The doctor examined you, and the bleeding started. You were only eight weeks along, and you were miscarrying the baby. The doctor gave you strong pain medication that knocked you out and sent you home. When I told you I would help you do something with the baby, I meant the actual baby. I was going to help you find a good home for it. I wasn’t going to let you end the pregnancy. That would have haunted you for life . . .” She stopped talking and looked at me with horror in her eyes. “Oh, Bethann. Oh, God, honey. You thought you got an abortion all this time?”

I didn’t know there were tears running down my face until she reached over to wipe them away and pulled me into her arms.

“I had no idea that’s what you thought. You were so young and scared. I should have explained things to you better.”

I held on to her arms as I finally broke down and grieved for the baby I never got to hold. The guilt and shame I’d felt for so long slowly released me, and I cried harder. So many times, I had wished I’d never let them give me the shot that I thought was meant to put me to sleep for the abortion procedure. I had been lying there on that table, thinking about ways I could have the baby. Ways I could make it work. I would beg Aunt Darla. I was going to tell the nurse that I didn’t want to do it as soon as she got back. But I couldn’t keep my eyes open.

When I’d finally woken up, I was at Aunt Darla’s with a thick pad on, and she’d let me know the baby was gone. There was a hollow place inside me from that moment on.

“I didn’t kill my baby,” I finally said, needing to hear it out loud.

Aunt Darla held me tighter. “Of course not. That’s not something you could have handled. I’m not sure I could have lived with myself, either. I just wish I’d known that was what you thought happened.”

A weight was lifted. A weight I’d been carrying for eight long years. That one decision I’d thought I made had led to a series of events that destroyed not only me but others around me. The guilt of Jace would never leave me, but I reminded myself daily that he loved me. Even though I was acting insane, he still loved me. He chose for me to live, and I owed that to him. I couldn’t let his death be for nothing.

“I want you to go home and rest today. Let this sink in, and spend some time alone. I don’t think you’re ready to face people just yet. But this doesn’t change what I said about Tripp. He left you once, and I watched you crumble. Don’t trust him with your heart again.”

I nodded. She didn’t have to warn me about that. Tripp was moving on. But I had to bite my tongue to keep from defending him. He had been a kid then, too. We’d both been reckless. If he hadn’t left, his parents would have shipped him off to Yale. I would have miscarried the baby regardless. It wasn’t meant to be. Nothing could have stopped that.

I had nothing to blame Tripp for. The wall I’d built to keep out all the memories that came with him finally crumbled and left me completely raw.

Tripp

Woods had texted me last night to meet him at the course at eight this morning to play a round. I hadn’t played golf in years until I moved back to Rosemary Beach. Other than surfing, there wasn’t much else to do here. I sucked at it, especially compared to Woods. He played daily.