An Italian Dream

FERN

It was a relief to be back at the retreat spending time with Matteo again, particularly after the events of the last twenty-four hours, but Fern was dreading having to say another goodbye. She was dreading heading home on the weekend too, back to Paul and her disastrous life.

Edith was a comfort. Her unexpected friendship was much-needed and Fern hoped it would continue once they returned to the UK. She wasn’t in the mood for socialising with the other guests; she didn’t want to relive her heartache by telling the story to anyone else. She also knew that she couldn’t hide out here forever. Ruby would be arriving in a couple of hours and she was, at least, longing to see her. Ruby had messaged her yesterday morning full of excitement about her flying visit to Capri. Fern had to go back and face up to things. Anyway, she was still wearing clothes from the day before and felt a fool for running away.

It was time to say goodbye to Matteo and Edith, and perhaps this time, with only three more nights on the island, it would be the final one. Not that she wanted it to be. A huge array of emotions surged through her as she closed the bedroom door behind her and walked along the tiled landing to the stone staircase.

Tuscany drifted into her mind. It had been twenty-four hours spent in a bubble of happiness. It was crazy to have even contemplated being able to hold on to that sort of contentment. Life didn’t work like that. Perhaps she’d thought so when she was a young, naive teen who believed she was invincible and the world was hers for the taking but not any more.

Matteo was walking towards the staircase. ‘I was just coming to find you. You have a visitor.’ He gestured behind him and stepped back.

Fern walked down the last few steps, her eyes landing on the familiar figure standing awkwardly in the large entrance hall.

‘Amber?’

‘Hey, Mum. Thought I should come and find you. Make sure you’re okay.’

Her eyes were red and blotchy, her usually tanned and perfectly made-up face paler and natural. Her worried look made Fern’s heart melt. It wasn’t just herself who had been put through the wringer.

Matteo gently put a hand on Fern’s shoulder. ‘Go and talk in my study; you won’t be disturbed there.’

Fern led Amber to the study just off the hallway. It was Paul and Stella who had done wrong, yet Fern felt ashamed for Amber having to track her down, for finding her here with Matteo. Not that she was ‘with’ him in that sense, she was just worried about how it looked. She was also upset that Amber had been put through all of this because her father was a cheat and had drawn her into his lies to protect himself.

Fern closed the door and they sat in the armchairs by the corner bookshelf. She was acutely aware of how much disruption she’d brought into Matteo’s life and his peaceful retreat, unloading her woes on him as if she’d known him for years rather than days.

‘I’m so sorry, Mum.’ Amber broke the silence.

‘What are you apologising for?’

‘For being so shitty to you. I had no idea about Stella and, um…’ She broke off and clenched her jaw.

‘But you knew he’d cheated on me?’

Amber nodded. ‘Yeah.’

‘It’s me who should be sorry. I should have seen through everything; the way you were behaving. I get the animosity you had towards me was probably frustration that I couldn’t see what was going on. Or chose not to see it. I think I’ve known but I couldn’t accept the obvious. I didn’t want to feel like I’d wasted my life with someone who doesn’t give a shit about me.’

Amber reached across the short gap and clasped Fern’s knee. ‘Mum, you haven’t wasted your life. I’m not a waste, am I? Or Ruby.’

‘Apart from raising you two, which I’m immensely proud of and wouldn’t change for the world, I’ve done nothing with my life. You’ve said as much.’

‘I was out of order.’

‘But it’s the truth. I have no career, no real passions. I’ve been drifting since you and Ruby left home. I’ve been so unhappy but not brave enough to do anything about it. And then there’s your dad…’

‘Who has treated you like shit. But now you know and can do something about it. I’m so sorry for keeping it secret. I should have said something ages ago. I was totally torn about what was the right thing to do.’

‘Your dad put you in an impossible position. He should never have done that. He’s the only one to blame… well, not the only one.’ Fern’s eyes blurred with tears. She realised she was more hurt at Stella’s betrayal than at Paul’s.

‘Hey, don’t cry, Mum.’ Amber perched on the edge of Fern’s armchair and put her arms around her. ‘It’ll be okay. He may be my dad, but I hate what he’s done to you and our family. And I’m sorry I’ve been so horrible to you.’

‘Well, if any good is to come out of all of this, it’s bringing us closer together. I’m thankful for that.’ Fern held her close and sobbed into her shoulder, relishing the comfort of having her daughter in her arms after the strained relationship of the last couple of years. More than anything, Fern would never forgive Paul for forcing their daughter to be a part of his lies and putting that amount of unhealthy pressure on her.

She released her and plucked a tissue from a box on the desk to wipe away her tears.

Amber smiled weakly. ‘I’ve only seen a bit of it, but this place is lush.’

‘It is. I’m going to miss it.’ She met Amber’s eyes and saw a warmth and understanding that had been absent for so long. She acknowledged her own fluttering heart. Leaving would swap one sadness for another. She was in a tangled mess of emotions; in many ways she was so sure about what she needed to do, yet there was much uncertainty about her future and her own happiness. Dealing with the fallout with Paul would be relatively simple compared to what would come after that.