Finding Mr Perfectly Fine

It was excruciating. I stayed sitting in that cubicle for absolutely ages, well past my lunch hour. My stomach was grumbling because I’d missed lunch and I was late returning to my desk on my very first day, but I was too embarrassed to make my escape in case I was seen.

‘When the lunchtime loo runs were finally over and all was quiet, I tentatively opened the door and peered out. The toilets were empty thank God, so I decided to leg it out of there without washing my hands before someone else came in. I ran over to the door and yanked it open the same time someone was coming in—’

‘And walked right into me,’ Adam interrupts with glee. ‘She knocked the wind out of me and fell backwards onto the nasty, dirty floor.’

‘And banged my head. Pretty badly, in fact.’

‘I came to your rescue, of course, being the gentleman that I am.’

I shove him. ‘Gentleman? Instead of bloody discreetly helping me back up, you started shouting for help as if I’d been shot! And the next thing we knew, the whole office appeared, watching me lie there on that filthy floor, wondering what I was doing there in the first place.’

The girls are in stitches and I survey them, unimpressed. Adam is laughing too, and he nudges me with his elbow playfully.

‘Remember how everyone called you “toilet girl” for about a year afterwards?’

‘How can I forget?’ I groan, covering my face with my hands. ‘It was mortifying!’

The others carry on giggling and talking about embarrassing encounters, and as they do, Adam touches my bare arm gently to get my undivided attention. The contact, as innocent as it is, electrifies me and I turn to look at him, trying my best to focus on his eyes instead of his lips.

‘You know, it didn’t quite happen like that,’ he murmurs so the others can’t hear.

‘What are you talking about? Yes it did!’ I whisper back.

‘Sort of. But there’s a part of this story I haven’t told you before.’ He looks almost embarrassed as he admits this and I narrow my eyes, waiting for him to explain.

‘I actually came into the toilets before we bumped into each other,’ he confesses. ‘It was my voice you must have heard. I dropped my phone and when I went to pick it up, I saw your shoes from under the cubicle doors and I sort of guessed what had happened.’

‘No way! How could you tell it was me by my shoes? I don’t believe you!’

‘Uh, pink ankle boots? They weren’t exactly inconspicuous. You used to make more of an effort with your outfits when you first started.’

‘OK, fine. Then what? You left me in there?’

‘Well, I waited a bit, and I could hear that nothing was going on in the cubicle so I figured you were waiting for everyone to leave.’

‘And .?.?.?’

‘Well, I left the toilets and was trying to figure out how to get you out of there unseen, but people kept going in and out. In the end, I stuck an out-of-order sign on the door so no one else would come in. I wanted to give you enough time to make your escape.’

‘Are you serious?’ Until recently, I thought that Adam’s preferred pastime was watching me squirm.

‘Yeah.’ He shrugs again, fiddling with the shisha pipe that has found its way to him. He takes the mouthpiece between his lips and inhales deeply, still looking at me. My heart thrashing against my chest, I let myself stare at his lips.

And then he blows a plume of smoke right in my face. Coughing, I shove him, thankful that the intensity of the moment is over.

The rest of the night flies by. The girls begin to loosen up in Adam’s presence and start acting more like themselves, which initially was a good thing, until the shisha really gets to their heads and they start going a bit wild, like asking him intrusive questions about his dating life. Sabs becomes tactile with him, pushing and nudging him playfully. He takes it all in good humour though, and tells them all loudly and proudly that he’s, ‘Single and ready to mingle.’

I’m also loosening up, but that’s not a good thing. Adam has his arm on the back of my chair and, as the night progresses, I find myself nestled into the crook of it with my entire right side pressed against his left. At one point, I see Amina and Yasmin elbowing looking pointedly at our proximity, but it feels so right that I don’t move away. I don’t look at him, though, and barely talk to him because I’m scared of what he’ll see in my eyes if I do.

Every so often Hamza’s smiling face comes to the front of my mind, and when it does, guilt nips at my ankles. I tell myself that I’m not doing anything wrong, Adam and I are purely platonic, and even if I fancied him – which I don’t when I’m in the right frame of mind – I would never go down that road. How can I? I’m his manager, after all.

When midnight comes and goes, we reluctantly call it a night. Adam’s friends have long gone and he doesn’t have his bike with him, so Samia the Samaritan tells him he can hitch a ride with us. It makes sense as he lives in Haringey too, but it means he’ll be sitting in the back squashed up next to them. The thought of Sam getting kicks from his muscular arms really pisses me off. I can’t exactly give up my place at the front, though, as it will make it all too obvious, so I smile and agree.

The journey home is raucous, as we blast old school tunes with all the windows down and the sunroof open, dancing and singing like we’re at a gig. Until Will Smith’s ‘Boom Shake the Room’ starts playing, that is. At first, we all sing along with it, screaming, ‘Tic-tic-tic-tic BOOM.’ Suddenly, Amina yelps and switches the stereo off, the abrupt silence shocking us into stillness.

‘What’s wrong?’ I whisper, looking around furtively. ‘Are the Feds chasing us?’ We have four people in the back which is enough to get a fine at least.

‘No! But we can’t listen to that song!’ she whispers back, her big eyes wide with fear.

‘Why not?’ Adam asks from his position squashed between Samia and Yasmin – something he’s pleased about, no doubt. I note that this time Sam isn’t complaining about riding in the back.

‘Because it’s too risky!’ she squeaks. ‘What will people think, a bunch of Muslims shouting, “Tic-tic-tic-tic BOOM?” Use your common sense!’

There’s a pause while we struggle to comprehend her reasoning and then all of us – with the exception of Amina – burst into uncontrollable laughter.