Her Mistletoe Protector

“I will,” Joey’s voice was soft and sleepy.

Nick set the Bible aside and returned to the kitchen table to continue working on the timeline.

She needed to help Nick, but she didn’t want to leave her son. It wasn’t until Joey’s head tipped to the side, indicating he’d fallen asleep, that she eased away and went to sit beside Nick.

“I suppose you think I’m a terrible mother,” she said softly.

He glanced at her in surprise. “Why would I think that?”

The shame was almost too much to bear, but she forced herself to get this out in the open. “Because I didn’t teach Joey about God. Because I didn’t raise him to believe.”

“It’s never too late to start, Rachel,” Nick murmured. He reached up and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “And no, I don’t think you’re a terrible mother at all. If you weren’t raised to believe in God, then it’s no wonder you raised your son the same way.”

She was silent for a long moment, wishing she dared to ask him to hold her. She thought back to her childhood. “I think my parents believed in God—at least, I remember going to church when I was young. But by the time I was Joey’s age, we suddenly stopped going to church...and I pretty much forgot most of what I learned.”

“Do you know why your parents stopped attending church?” he asked. The way he took her hand and interlaced his fingers with hers gave her the strength she needed.

“My mother lost her parents when I was nine, and they died about six months apart. And then when I was in high school, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She passed away my freshman year in college.” The pain of losing her mother had been terrible, but she and her father had clung together to get through it. Easy to look back now and piece together what had happened. The deaths of her grandparents had hit her mother hard, and maybe for some reason she’d pulled away from God. Her father, too, especially after losing her mother.

“I’ve seen that happen sometimes, where a sudden death causes a loss of faith,” Nick said, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “But to be honest, Rachel, those are the times when you should lean on God the most. I know it’s hard—I struggled to keep my faith after my Becky and Sophie died.”

“I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been for you.”

He was quiet for a moment. “Becky and I were high-school sweethearts so when I lost her, I felt like I lost my best friend. But now, after all these months, sometimes I have trouble remembering exactly what she looked like.”

“Oh, Nick,” she murmured. No one had ever loved her the way Nick had loved his wife.

He forced a smile. “I guess that might be God’s way of making me realize I have a different path to follow. I know it’s not easy, but if you open your heart to the Lord, you will be rewarded.”

Maybe he was right. Certainly she’d felt some sense of peace when she’d prayed for Joey’s safety. She stared down at their entwined fingers for a moment, feeling connected to Nick in a way she’d never experienced with Anthony.

The thought scared her. She didn’t want to have feelings for Nick. Didn’t want to open herself up to the possibility of rejection. She trusted Nick to keep her and Joey safe, but to trust him with her heart? That was asking too much.

The expression in his eyes when he spoke of his wife made her realize that he might not be ready for a relationship, either.

She took a deep breath and forced a smile. “So, let’s get back to that timeline, huh?” she suggested, releasing his hand and turning toward the notebook paper he’d left on the table. “Where did we leave off?”

There was a troubled look in his eyes as he stared at her for a long moment before he sighed and turned toward the timeline. “We left off at the time of Josie Gardner’s suicide or possible murder,” he said.

She nodded. Was she wrong about what Nick wanted? Maybe, but, somehow, it was easier to talk about who might have kidnapped her son than her tangled feelings toward Nick.

* * *

The rest of the day passed by quicker than she would have imagined. Dark clouds rolled in, bringing the threat of a storm, but while the wind kicked up a bit, no snowflakes fell.

Nick walked around outside again, and she was reassured by his diligence. He continued to work on the timeline long after they’d taken a break for dinner.

She bowed her head while Nick thanked God once again for providing the hot meal and shelter. There weren’t many options for dinner, so they had to eat more of the canned beef stew again but no one complained.