The Anti-Fan and the Idol (My Summer in Seoul)
I want her more than any bandmate should want someone he has to work with—especially given the circumstances.
“Should we eat?” She’s still not looking at me, but I see her stare at my stupid apron. I immediately want to die and crawl into the ground, letting it swallow me whole. Please let it be the one without the laughing cows on it. The moment throws me off guard, and I suddenly can’t remember which one I chose. I look down and then breathe a sigh of relief.
“Ryan cooked.” Haneul offers this information freely and then points at me. I don’t know why I’m embarrassed now, other than the fear of the cow apron. Both girls turn to me, clearly impressed. “He likes food.”
“Correction, I love food,” I say.
I get up and nearly trip when Ah-Ri moves to her feet at the same time.
“You guys go get everything ready. Jisoo and I will figure out a way to beat your asses at the next song.” Haneul winks.
Ah-Ri follows me into the kitchen.
I can hear her stomach rumbling.
Our kitchen is really modern, and I’m sure she’s looking around and wondering why we get to stay in this nice apartment while she’s at the trainee dorms.
“So, um, plates are just over there.” I point to one of the cupboards.
She grabs them in silence, just like the chopsticks and everything else we need from the kitchen. We move around each other how we dance—with barely restrained tension.
More from her than me.
Probably because of the kiss.
Again, my fault.
“Anything else?” She leans against the counter.
“Yeah.” I take off my apron, hang it up, and try not to focus on the hat she’s wearing that makes me feel as if Sookie’s claimed her already. “I’m sorry.”
Her head jerks up. “What?”
“I’m sorry I was an ass,” I say through clenched teeth. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
She thunks me on the head with her finger. “You weren’t.” She sighs. “Thinking.”
Am I ever thinking these days with her around?
“Right.” I get the food ready. “We should eat.”
“Mmm, we should.” Her eyes lock on mine.
This won’t end well. That’s all I keep thinking as we stand there in silence until Haneul comes in with Jisoo, saying he’s starving his ass off.
Ah-Ri and I don’t talk for the rest of the time it takes us to eat. I steal glances at her and feel stupid that she’s just carrying on with life as if we never kissed. As if we never fought.
Maybe that’s why I’m mean.
I would rather have her anger. At least then she’s giving me attention.
“I’ll be right back.” I jump up from dinner and grab my phone.
They don’t have to know.
She might not ever know.
I call the store and start making arrangements.
If all I can do is give her shoes, will it be enough?
I don’t know.
But nobody in our new group will have holes in their shoes.
Not if I can help it.
I ignore my dad’s call twice before making more arrangements, knowing he’s going to pressure me into giving up the idol life and coming to work with him to keep the whole family dynasty.
Maybe that’s why Haneul and I get along so well. We both get it. We have dreams, but they don’t align with our fathers’—and never have.
I just want to create.
My father wants me to go to university.
And Haneul’s dad?
He wants him to pretend to love everyone to make more money.
I would rather work five part-time jobs.
I sigh and walk back down the hall, frowning and pausing when I hear hushed voices.
It’s Haneul, and he’s leaning toward Ah-Ri.
And she’s smiling!
What the hell?
I watch and listen in.
“You’re doing good,” he compliments.
Ah-Ri’s head snaps up. “I’m surprised you know how to say nice things to me.”
He hangs his head and gets in closer. “Look, I was young and immature and terrified of having my first audition kiss with a girl in a room full of producers.”
Her eyes widen. “That’s why you were an ass?”
“Yeah,” He laughs. “No excuse. But what’s yours?”
“Tit for tat?” she offers.
“If this is going to work, we should bury the hatchet,” Hanuel whispers.
“I’m still trying to get over the fact that my nemesis from when I was seventeen was an ass because he was nervous.”
“Boys are stupid,” he says quickly. “Just ask Ryan.”
Did she just giggle?
Laugh?
Touch him?
I clench my fists as he closes in more. They’re nearly chest to chest.
“I’m sorry.”
He apologized? The hell? He’s always insisted she was the worst thorn in his side.
She pretends as if he hasn’t been the same for her for years. What world did I just get dropped into?
“Me, too,” she says.
“That went better than I thought.” His smile is wide. Too wide. Is he fucking flirting with her? Because I don’t like this feeling in my gut. “I really am, and I should have said it sooner. I just felt like an idiot, and then our group took off and…while I know they’re all excuses, I want to do better. With you.” He nods. “Deal?”