Perfect Addiction (Perfect 2)

“Yeah. I know I’m the black sheep of the family. Dad clearly loved you more. You were his model child.”

“I only tried so hard to be that person because I didn’t really know who I was outside of it,” Beth tells me with the kind of self-awareness that I’ve never seen from her before.

“Always trying to be perfect. Always trying to live up to everyone’s expectations of me. It was exhausting. In a way, being with Jax felt like a burden I didn’t realize I’d been carrying had been lifted. I know it was incredibly wrong of me to do that, but I was just tired of trying to be what people told me to be and still feeling invisible. He made me feel really special and he embraced who I was.”

As twisted as it was, I understand what she means. I felt the same way before I met Jax, and had allowed myself to think that him accepting who I really was equivalent to love.

“He has that effect on girls,” I say dryly. “It’s annoying.”

“I know that it doesn’t feel like it, but I think he really did love you,” she says, reaching up to squeeze my shoulders.

“The way he beat himself up after he put you in the hospital, it was when I knew. I don’t think he ever meant for you to get hurt. That was the last thing he wanted.” She pauses for a beat, her chest deflating to pull the rest of the words out. Her eyes well up with tears. “When you found out he cheated on you, you thought you were his mistake, right? But that’s not true at all. I’m his mistake.”

“Oh, Beth,” I murmur.

The last of my self-restraint falls away and I pull her body into a loving hug. She rests her cheek against my shoulder and clings to me hard, like she’d longed for this embrace for a while now.

“I’m really sorry I let him get between us like this.” A sob wobbles her voice. “I’m done with him. I promise. I think I have some things I need to deal with by myself, but I’m swearing off boys like him. And most of all, I just really, really missed you. And I hate that I let us grow apart like this.”

“I missed you too,” I whisper back.

I do. More than I ever care to admit. But growing apart was what we both really needed. Because at the end of the day, Beth did do me a huge favor. If she’d never gotten with Jax, I would never have realized what a piece of shit he was and would never have found Kayden.

Can I really hate her for something like that?

“And,” I make sure to add, “I think I forgive you.”

She looks up at me, sniffing. “You do?”

“Yeah,” I say, a sigh pulling out of me. “That’s what big sisters are for right? And it’s been tiring holding a grudge against you. As much as I hate to admit it, I understand why you did what you did. And I’m just glad you finally came to your senses.”

Beth pulls away from me enough to say, with a smile,

“You can say you told me so. I won’t complain.”

“I told you so.” I shove her playfully, grinning with my teeth. “I freaking told you so.”

Her laughter floats up and dissolves into the air, bringing the place a much-needed boost of joy.

“Thanks.” Beth sniffs. She’s hesitant again, fiddling with her hands before asking, “So would you . . . would you consider moving back?”

Her suggestion catches me off guard. Since I’ve been living in this apartment it’s never crossed my mind that this would be a temporary accommodation. I’ve grown oddly attached to this place. Protective, even. It’s only been my home for two months and I’ve never felt like I belonged anywhere else.

“I don’t know,” I say, dropping my hands to my sides and looking around the place. “I feel like I have some unfinished business here. So I’m gonna stay. At least until I feel like I’m ready.”

Beth nods in understanding.

“Will you come over and visit me though?” She says, her eyes filling with hope.

“Of course.”

And this time when I look at my little sister, my heart feels feather light, and the anger that had been imprisoning me has now withered away, leaving behind only hope.

One step forward, no steps back.

***

Three days later, when I pay a visit to UFG, I’m shocked to see that it’s teeming with people. Apparently, after the disaster that was the finals, public perception toward Breaking Point soured, which meant the management had to lay low for a while. Nobody knows when they’ll reopen; some speculate that it might even get shut down permanently to bury the scandal, and the rumors were strong enough that fighters scrambled over to UFG instead.