Her Pretend Christmas Date: A Lesbian Christmas Romance

“It’s alright. We didn’t really know each other then. We didn’t even like each other. Or at least, you had no reason to like me. I’m still not entirely sure I’ve given you any reason to like me now. Or be here. I’m glad you are. Here, that is.”

Morgun started to gnaw on her bottom lip and it was her turn to stay silent and nod.

“If that’s your confession, then don’t worry about it. I do understand. All those feelings are in the past anyway. We found something else. Something different. Something…I guess unexpected is a good word. I’m sorry that I didn’t know how to deal with that. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking in the past few weeks. I even took my mom for lunch and told her everything.”

“Really? What did you tell her?”

“I said that she was right all along. That I think a person can want a career and a family too. I guess that kind of makes me right also. But she never said don’t have both. She was always telling me that I could have both and I could still be happy. That I didn’t have to write one off for the sake of the other. I don’t know why I never heard her like that when she was talking to me for all those years. Probably the continual harassment about ovaries. That’s probably what caused the shutdown.”

“What else did she say?”

“Oh, you know, just basically that she was right because moms are always right and when I’m a mom, I’ll get that privilege too.”

“Do you want to?” Morgun’s eyes burned. “Have a family and be a mom?”

Laney inhaled sharply. “I think that I’ve always wanted to. Between my mom nagging me and how busy I am with my job and how much I like it and want to keep getting better at it, I made myself believe that it wasn’t ever going to work.”

“And now you think that it will?”

“I met with someone who was very work oriented and she’s about to start a family and she was certain everything would work out. She was so calm and said that even if her career didn’t work after, she was okay with that. She saw endless opportunities anyway, and she was so excited. It made me think about what I really, really want. Not just what I’ve been telling myself to want, but what I really do want. I realized that I wasn’t afraid of us. I was afraid of having this huge thing that I’ve built up for myself just crumble away and leave me without any defenses.”

“You always had me. I would have defended you.”

Laney clutched at her pants, curling her nails through the black fabric and unclenching them. “Morgun, I…I hope that you still will. And let me defend you too. I thought about how I wanted to make this right. I thought about telling everyone from the lunchroom one by one that I lied and setting everything right, but I wasn’t sure if you’d want me to do that. I mean, I wanted to ask you first. I didn’t want to hurt you by doing something like that without you even knowing. It would seem very…after the fact, and that felt public and like I’d be trying too hard. So, I’m here. And I just want to tell you that I

’m sorry. I’m sorry because I acted like a dumb ass. I’m sorry that I shut down because I’m not good at talking about emotions, because I couldn’t even give myself time to process what I felt or truly wanted. I’m sorry that I was being this fake person, doing the tough guy act and all that. Then I started thinking, if I have to act like that to do my job, do I really want the job at all?”

Morgun sat up just a little straighter, but her expression didn’t change. At least it was neutral and not pissed off or totally guarded. It wasn’t exactly open or hopeful either. “Do you?”

“I did have an idea. I had this extremely fanciful notion that you’d forgive me and give me another chance to prove to you that I can work on being a better person. That I can figure all that shit out. Give me another chance to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Another chance at being my girlfriend. But also my partner. My business partner. I know it sounds crazy, but I thought that after seeing the photos that we did together and how they turned out, we could do what I wanted to do all along—start my own thing. I know you already have yours, and I’m not asking you to share that with me if you don’t want to. I could work for you, or with you. I just thought that we could work together and have our own thing and it would be amazing because we’d get to spend more time together and I wouldn’t have to be gone for work all the time, and we could create these amazing photos together. Doing what we love, together. Maybe even loving each other together too. Eventually.”

Morgun blinked. “You said it. The L-word. I mean, eventually. You’d leave room for it? You’d consider it?”

“I’m so, so sorry that I hurt you, Morgun. I didn’t treat you right. I acted like a kid and I know exactly why I did it and I’d like to never go back to being that way again. I know that I’m not naturally good at talking about things like this, but I want to get better at that too.”

“You’re doing a decent job of it so far. Better than expected, in fact.”

“Really?” Laney sat up now too.

“Really.” Morgun extended her hand like an olive branch and Laney took it. Her fingers tucked into Laney’s exactly the way she remembered. Like a perfect fit.

“Will you give me another chance? Will you let me learn and grow with you? That can be exclusive of this crazy idea I have about work.”

“I’d like to do it all. I think we’d be good together. And I already know that we’d work well, even though I haven’t seen the photos yet. Just remind me to stop you from chasing after black and white cats.”

Laney realized she was grinning, but she only clued into that because her face suddenly hurt. “You are too nice. Really. You’re the best person I’ve ever met. I’m sorry that I wasn’t even a quarter of your equal. I promise I will never abuse your kindness or your trust. And thank you. For being so patient. And so understanding. And for just…all of it.”

“Thank you for asking me. I wouldn’t have texted you or called you, you know. I was hoping you’d change your mind, but I knew that only you could do that. I couldn’t make it happen, as much as I wanted to try. And I did want to try. I thought about it endlessly. So, thank you for ending that. It was brutal.”

“I’m sorry I started it.”

Morgun’s fingers twisted in hers and grasped tight. “It’s okay.” She glanced towards the counter where James was hovering, clearly listening to everything they were saying. “Should we get an overly sweet latte, who our wonderful barista dude is going to make not so sweet this time, because everyone has room for improvement and learning, and should we take a walk and talk about what an amazing new photography business is going to look like?”

“I’d like that. Even the latte. And I hate the lattes here.”

They stood up at the same time and Laney pulled Morgun into her arms. Right in front of James, she planted a sensual kiss on Morgun’s lips. She kissed her with enthusiasm, but tenderly too. She wasn’t ever going to hide her affection for Morgun again. Not from herself. Not from anyone else.

When they broke away, they found James blushing.