The Matchmaker's Choice: A Lesbian Romance

Surprisingly, I can produce some words past the lump

in my throat and the fear rooted in my chest like an ancient

redwood. “I’ve never told anyone. Remember what I said

about my parents being really conservative?”

Adley nods.

“I think they’d be angry. They wouldn’t like it. They’d

tell me it was a phase. That I don’t know my own mind.

They’d want me to keep it to myself. They’d ask me why I

couldn’t just try to be normal. They’re not mean and I don’t

think they’d stop loving me or anything. I know they wouldn’t

cut me off or want me out of the family. I just think that they

wouldn’t get it. And I’d always feel like an outsider. I knew

when I was thirteen or fourteen. I pretended I didn’t. That it

was just hormones. In college, there were a few times I may

have flirted with the idea of being with a woman, even shared

a kiss or two, but…I was drunk. I told myself it was just the

alcohol. That it wasn’t really me. That even though it felt right

and I felt free, and I felt like I could be me, that it was just

experimenting, and experiments can be thrilling, in science or

otherwise, and that’s what it was. I dated guys. I had

relationships with men. I slept with men. I wanted to make it

work. I wanted to get married to a man and have children with

a man and be like everyone else. The person everyone thinks I

am. I was afraid that if people knew, they’d be different. That

I’d lose my friends. That I might even lose my job.”

“I don’t think a place can fire you for something like

that. It would look extremely bad, but there are also laws that

protect people now.”

“I-I know.” I can’t look at Adley. I might not be the