Heart of a Wolf

“That sounds terrible.” How did she get any sleep?

“She’s the lifeblood of this pack and what holds us together. Regardless of the progress you’ve made, if you ever do anything to hurt her, I’ll kill you.”

“Noted,” I said with a growl that wasn’t my own.

“Keep her in check,” Fallen said without looking at me.

“She needs to learn respect. If she can’t handle a little banter, then maybe our Alpha was wrong. Maybe you aren’t ready to sleep in the house after all.”

“And go back to the shed again?” No thanks. Anything was better than that.

“Glad we’re in agreement.” She continued down the balcony until she reached a door at the far end of the hall.

“This one is yours. It doesn’t have much, but we find it’s best until you stop peeing on the furniture.”

“You’re joking, right?” It had to be a joke because there was no way…

She didn’t smile. “You’ll shift at random times, especially when your wolf’s senses are on alert. Marking your territory will show her displeasure to the Alpha. That tends to go on for a while. Once you’ve finished throwing a temper tantrum, we can go from there.” She sneezed, then shook her head. “Also, try and wash up before you do anything else. Shower’s three doors down on the left.”

In pure Fallen fashion, she only stayed long enough to give me my orders, then she was gone, probably to see Ash about whatever it was the two of them had to talk about.

With her gone and my bedroom door closed, I finally had a chance to breathe.

As promised, I could smell wolves all over the place. Their scents were in the bedsheets, the curtains, and stuck in the fibers of my clothes. Logically, I knew this was because someone had tended to the room and attire before my arrival.

My wolf, on the other hand, did not.

Nevermind the fact I’d walked past a handful of wolves on my way up here, having their scents inside my room was something my wolf wasn’t willing to accept.

Bracing myself for the shift that was sure to come, I pressed my palms into the dresser and took a handful of deep breaths. When that didn’t work, I counted in sets of four, remembering the silly mindfulness sessions my sister insisted I have.

And when that didn’t work, I did my best to push my wolf-side back, wincing around the pain in my temples it most caused. The tingling at the nape of my neck returned, my wolf’s fur bristling under my skin as I did everything I could to fight her back.

Being so close to my last shift, I was in no condition to run. Just the thought of walking back down the stairs was enough to keep me holed up in my room for the rest of the afternoon. This displeased my wolf greatly as she wanted out of the house even more.

She didn’t say as much, of course, but I felt it. It was similar to a child’s fear of the dark, running to the safety of their bed only to throw the covers up over their head. That’s exactly what it was like, and much like a child running from the dark, there was very little I could do to console my wolf unless I left the manor completely.

Back in the shed, I’d only been mildly agitated, but that was also before last night, before the first shift I could actually control, and before my starlit run and all of the sensations I’d had to endure. No doubt the shed wouldn’t have felt any better.

That was probably why Ash let me inside the house in the first place. If my wolf knew we were allowed inside with the rest of the pack, then maybe it would be enough to calm her down.

So as she continued to send adrenaline all throughout my body, I did my best to reassure her. If you’ve ever had an argument with yourself, fighting with my inner beast was ten times worse. Already exhausted from the night before, I found it close to impossible to fend off my wolf’s attacks. Her fear was my own because, like it or not, I knew very little about the wolves around me.

Ash was guarded but kind. Fallen was a jerk much of the time, but at this point, I knew it was just for show. As for the rest of the wolves? They didn’t trust me at all. No wonder my wolf was throwing a fit. She didn’t belong here, and to be honest, neither did I.

No matter how long I stayed or how much I improved, they’d only see me as one thing. An imposture. A human turned and not a born wolf like the rest of them.

I shouldn’t be here, I thought, pulling on the clothes another wolf had left for me. I never should’ve come back at all.

The pack would never accept me, and with that realization clinging to the back of my mind, I made my way back out of the room and through the front doors.

The city wasn’t far.

Chapter Nine

As soon as I left the manor, my wolf breathed a little easier. By the time I reached the treeline, her panicked thoughts were no more, replaced with a willingness to run and take on my other form.

But I was too tired. Whenever I thought of shifting, something blocked me. It wasn’t fear like it had been before but the inability to do what was necessary to actually take on my wolf pelt. Of course, that didn’t mean I couldn’t walk. So with the manor at my back and most of the pack safely tucked inside, I did exactly that, going deeper into the woods until the manor was no more.