The Lesbian Sex Haiku Book (With Cats!)

Host a dinner where

you promise to serve harm-free

vegan macro bowls.

Do not brush off the

cat (or dog) hair you are most

surely covered in.

When girl remarks on

pets’ hair, say names are Vita

and Virginia.

I was serious

about that “My other ride

is your face” button.

Find an excuse to

take out your wallet so she

can see it’s empty.

Stand in a corner

and refuse to drink all but

low-calorie beer.

Stand in a corner

and incessantly sweep your

hair out of your eyes.

“Hi. I would like to

officially invite you

to join my coven.”

Introduce yourself

using the words “witch,” “poet,”

“grad school,” or “co-op.”

FOOLPROOF LESBIAN PICKUP LINES

Of course I read Cunt.