Changing Seasons

Seven years ago I was shuffling a hefty workload and traveling schedule that left no room for clinging to her like I used to. It’s like the minute I signed on the dotted line to become CFO of Monarch my world of normalcy became a thing of the past and became replaced with meetings and negotiations. My mom had a full schedule to make sure that she retired that August with no worries. Instead of traveling to see Jacolby every other weekend, I was in the airport boarding another plane to make a deal for a new development. The sad part is she was only an hour and a half away. Regardless of my frustrations, I felt she never had them.

True to her word she became the perfect pen pal. Emails and texts were consistent and kept me hopeful until it became an annoyance because I never had the chance to respond. At the same time, my mom had stopped whispering in her office to my aunt about her dislike for Jacolby to speaking it out loud. Not necessarily her dislike but saying that this wasn’t the time for me to be in a serious relationship and at the time I believed her because of how busy I was. If I couldn’t make time to see her an hour and a half away, then something was wrong.

What was wrong was that I got a sick high off the adrenaline of overseeing such a large and prominent company. My dreams had come true but differently than she and I had originally planned. Why couldn’t the same be done for her? It could be said for her but she fought me on it. While my dream had literally been dropped in my lap Jacolby wasn’t willing to take the easy way out.

Our last argument had been about that too. After her first semester of grad school, she got this crazy offer to finish at Cornell while she worked at this top hedge fund corporation as their lead accountant. The pay was crazy. Six-figure crazy and they’d pay for her living expenses the entire time she was there. This is when my jealousy and selfishness reared their ugly head.

If she could go to New York, then she could come be with me.

Simple.

Soured that she’d be moving further away from me I shouted in the middle of our argument that she needed to choose. Either me or New York. Lord knows all I’ve ever wanted was for her to accomplish all of her goals, but it seemed like each door that opened in her favor didn’t include me when it was me who didn’t want to see her moving on doing everything we planned to do without me.

Refusing to let me ruin her once-in-a-lifetime offer, she packed up her things and moved to New York. She begged for us to stay together but my ego and pride were already bruised to the point that I got this sick theory in my head that I’ll end things to show her that what I had going on was better. Work so hard and take Monarch far greater than anyone imagined that she’d get jealous and want to come back.

I was such a fool back then.

A stupid, dumb fool.

Today was proof that I’d been stupid to not fight for her. She’d accomplished everything she ever wanted and then some. More like a whole lot and I wasn’t a part of any of it. Our breakup didn’t stop a damn thing. Watching from the internet and reading the articles about her success wasn’t the same as standing right beside her when she’d yell “Pi, we did it.” That’s what I loved about her. Her accomplishments, she shared them with me because I was her other half and together, we made one whole.

“Is it safe to come in?” Kameron stood by my door holding a bag of food.

Standing, I waved him in. “As long as there is something in that bag for me.”

He placed the food down on the coffee table. “Reason why you weren’t in the meeting with Roland’s Bank?”

I said my grace quietly. “My daily dose of patience ran out.” I stuffed my mouth with Teriyaki chicken hoping he’d get the hint to leave me alone. This had nothing to do with me missing the meetings. His secretary already sent me the meeting minutes as soon as it ended.

“Explain to me why you’re acting like she stole your lunch and knocked you off the slide at recess? Last time I remembered you ended things with her because you were too busy to love her how she deserved, and your focus was Monarch. Do you remember the decision you made? Once upon a time you breathed and lived off the air she breathed. Now you can barely stand to be in the same room with her.” He sat on the edge of the couch with his arms resting on his knees.

I closed the container of food and placed it back in the bag. “Thanks for ruining my appetite.”

“Damn, Pax. You still got it bad.” He grinned. “What did she do that was so bad, Paxton?”

Standing, I rolled my sleeves up and tossed my trash. “Let it go. It’s bad enough she’s prancing around here like she’s Tinker Bell with wings. How…Why did you choose her again? I doubt she’ll find anything. She’s too busy writing nonsense in that fur contraption she calls a notebook.”

The clearing of a throat shut my mouth. The smirk on his face pissed me off. “Sorry to interrupt. I can come back later…without my fur contraption.” She had the nerve to smile and flash her dimples. That nose ring was so damn sexy.

“Not necessary at all. How can we help, Junior?” Kam motioned for her to sit but she declined and continued to stare a hole in my face.

“Here.” She handed him and me a folder. My thumb ran over the gold diamond-studded thumb ring. I looked down at her other hand and saw the matching band. She kept them. “Someone in your accounting department seems to have an outrageous spending habit that goes beyond charitable donations but rather a monthly rendezvous. Don’t worry, Paxton. Give me a few days, a week tops, and you won’t ever have to see me again.” The way she put a definite pronunciation of those words made me flinch.

Never see her again?

“Have a good night. See you tomorrow.”

We stood in silence as she walked out and closed the door. He turned towards me with a stern look. “I never get in your personal business because I don’t like people snooping around in mine but the way you’re treating her is uncalled for when you’re to blame. I advise you to sort out whatever this mess is. I’m not asking either, Paxton.” He walked out not giving me a chance to explain my frustrations.

I was wrong to blame Jacolby for how our lives turned out. What she did...the outcome of her choice and my ultimatum changed the course of everything I dreamed of. She changed my views on marriage. Changed the way I loved. Changed my breathing pattern. Changed the rhythm of my heart. Changed my desires. She selfishly changed me only to leave me because I thought I could live life without her.