Changing Seasons

“I’m so sorry, Jacolby. My husband hasn’t learned self-control in the company of others.” She sat down.

“It’s beautiful to witness.” Beautiful and envious.

She gave me a genuine smile. In a flash, that same smile turned serious as she tilted her head and bore her eyes into the depths of my soul. “You wanted to meet me. Why?”

A lump formed in my throat as tears puddled my ears. Why did I feel this weakness to cry whenever she spoke to me? “Umm…well,” I cleared my throat and placed my hands under my thighs.

“Breathe, Jacolby. Stop fighting the spirit.” Her hand barely touched me before the puddle overflowed on my cheeks. “You sought me for a reason. God aligned our paths for a reason. I can feel the hurt and pain you carry as if it were my own. Tell me which one hurts you the most.” She wiped my eyes.

“H-he…he…am I not worthy of love?” If she was able to decipher my jumbled words, I don’t know. I hiccupped with each breath I took. Part of me felt angry that I openly cried and allowed my foolishness to be spoken out loud.

“A few years ago I experienced one of the toughest seasons of my life” Her gaze drifted to her lap as she fidgeted with her fingers. “That display of affection you witnessed…it took us a long time to get there. Me freely touching you…I never would’ve done that. Are you aware that I have autism?” I nodded quickly. Knowing she had autism had been the driving force behind me wanting to meet her.

“Well, in the music industry or life in general, I had to learn to maneuver around like other people. At the beginning of my relationship with Landon, I fought so many emotions that were foreign to me. Becoming insecure and doubting my worth were the main two. Then a third one was birthed when I gave birth to my son last year. Do you want to know how I fought the enemy? I spoke life over myself. Looked in the mirror and reminded myself to whom I belonged to. Landon may be my husband and I might be LJ’s mother, but I don’t belong to either of them. First and foremost, I will forever belong to God. I’m His before I’m Landon’s wife and a mother to our son. Why do you feel you aren’t worthy of love?”

I took the tissue she offered and blew my nose. “The first man I ever gave my heart to, the only man I ever truly loved. He didn’t fight for us, didn’t fight for me. I was once engaged to another man but I won’t even count that because I never liked him. I felt like if I didn’t have Paxton then I’d have to settle.”

“I understand how that can make you feel less than, but I need you to understand something. Jacolby, your worth and your happiness come from God, not a man. Stop allowing people to be your source of joy. When you give people the room to control your happiness you automatically set yourself up for disappointment. Did him not choosing to fight for you, did it change your direction of accomplishments? Did the world end and suddenly stop spinning? Did the grass stop growing? None of that happened.

“We are human. We all make mistakes. The minute you place us on a pedal stool higher than God, you set yourself up to be heartbroken. God is the same God yesterday as He is today. People change in the blink of an eye. They’ll love you today and hate you tomorrow. I don’t have to wonder if I’m worthy of love because God shows me every day that I am. My husband can stop loving me tomorrow but that doesn’t mean I’m not worthy of being loved again. God loves me more than anyone ever can. I don’t worry if He’ll choose me. When He died for me on that cross, He chose me. At Calvary, He told me I was worthy. The nails in His hands and feet told me I’m worthy. The air I breathe, and the flexibility to move my limbs…He chose me.

“The hand He has on my life tells me I’m worthy. The same goes for you. Everyone that I love can stop loving me today and I won’t take it to heart because I know their love is conditional. I won’t ever expect more than what is shown to me. Maybe I’m different in that light. Take back control over your life and emotions, Jacolby. When the right man comes along, he won’t allow those thoughts of uncertainty or unworthiness to seep into your brain because his actions will tell you that you’re worthy and he chooses you.”

God, I needed that.

“Can I ask you a question?” She nodded. “What if I’ve met him already? The man created for me. What if he and I have crossed paths already?” I knew Drea wasn’t a psychic but it didn’t hurt to try.

She giggled as she squeezed my hand. “Jacolby, I’m not a foreseer. My spiritual gifts have limits. What my spirit tells me about you is that yes, your paths have crossed. But, neither of you is ready. He harbors a deep amount of pain and anguish. He’ll never see you or love you the way you deserve until he first heals himself. And no, I won’t talk to him.” She winked.

“Can I hug you, Drea? Please.”

“Of course.”

She rubbed my back and hummed a soft tune. A soothing comfort that had me bawling my eyes out even more. “Drea, forgive me if I’m overstepping but…”

“Yes, we can be friends.” She chuckled and handed me her phone.

“Am I interrupting?” A low but deep familiar voice spoke behind us.

“Hey, Quincey. You’re not interrupting at all. Meet my new friend Jacolby.”

Sweet Jesus! Quincey Reid and his chocolate Godiva self.

“I know this vibrant beauty.” Placing his keys on the table, he wasted no time grabbing my hands and pulling me into his arms.”

My mouth went dry as I inhaled his scent. Lowkey, I’ve always had a schoolgirl crush on Quincey. I know that’s horrible to admit since he is Paxton’s brother but this brotha here...goodness. Just take all my morals. He surpassed all of my lust and desires. His broad shoulders and wide stance matched his skyscraper height. Blemish-free dark chocolate…Godiva skin. Quincey oozed authority and confidence. His lips…those lips had me ready to invest in whatever corporation he worked for. The icing on the cake…his eyes. Piercing and savage. He didn’t hide the fact that he could snatch your soul with a single glance. Not to mention he reeked of confidence.

Blinking out of my lustful haze I found my voice. “Good to see you, Quincey.”

Stepping back his eyes squinted as his head tilted. Instead of releasing my hand, he pulled me closer until his breath tickled my ear. With each word he spoke, tears fell from my eyes. Pulling me back, he wiped my eyes with his fingers. “Remember what I said, Jacolby.” He said with sternness and authority.

“Y-yes. Thank you.”

“Where are the others?” Drea asked him as we gathered our belongings.

“Milan is downstairs talking with Landon, who is waiting on you. Hendrix is in the truck.” He helped her with her coat.

“Great. Jacolby, I’ll be away from my phone for the rest of the evening, and I know you’ll be flying back to North Carolina soon. Can we chat in the morning?”