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CHAPTER SIX

“Darling, you lost a child, welcome to parenthood,” Grandma’s words are not what I expect as she lets out a laugh. “You’d be surprised at how many times a day I lost track of your father. That boy was always getting into something he had no business doing. I once lost him because he saw the kids across the street playing in the sprinklers and went to join ‘em. I tore his behind up when I found him, but I didn’t lose a lick of sleep behind it because in the end he was okay, and you can’t dwell on what could have been.”

I let out a sigh.

“Lilly’s okay, ain’t she, darling?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“So, you see my point, it’s all okay,” she says cheerfully as I hear the tinkle of glasses in the background. “No worries, though, I’ll be there in a couple of weeks to check on you and the crew.”

I know Grandma’s right and that in the end the only thing that matters is that Lilly’s okay, but the situation is still worrying and I haven’t been too willing to let either of the kids out of my sight since. “Grandma…” I try to push out what I’m feeling but the word refused to come out.

“It’s okay,” Grandma says softly and somehow she knows. “New parents go through this, worrying ‘bout everything, no matter how big or how little. Its normal and honestly, you never stop worrying but you start to realize what you should freak out over and what you shouldn’t. Give it a couple more months as you settle in and you and the kids start to establish a normal life and routine.”

I nod before remembering that she can’t see me. “Thanks, Grandma. It was just so scary because I’d just told Tanner about stranger danger, only for Lilly to waltz off.”

“Well, fortunately, from what it sounds like you’ve got decent neighbors.”

“I don’t know them that well, but I guess.” I’m still not comfortable with the kids wandering in and out of their house no matter how nice they seem. I don’t really know them, only having had brief conversations with Nathan and Chase and a full blown argument with the other housemate who I know absolutely nothing about other than the fact that he’s a fan of good ole Mary Jane and has a dog attached to his hip.

“Maybe you should change that,” Grandma suggests.

“Huh?” I almost pull the phone away and stare to make sure I’m talking to the right woman. My grandma is one of the most loving people I know but she’s never been big on strangers.

“You should get to know your neighbors better, you never know what might happen and when you may need something.”

I purse my lips. “Yeah, no…”

“Staying in that little bubble of yours isn’t wise, darling,” she berates. “You need to know your environment and the people in it better.”

Environment, why does that word keep coming up?

I’m sure my grandma’s opinion would be different if I told her about the blow out with the third man, but I don’t bother. I don’t need a short, feisty, old, southern, black woman giving my neighbors stink eye and a flip mouth when she comes to visit. “I’ll take that into consideration, Grandma,” I tell her as I briefly pull the phone away to look at the time. 5:10. “I’ve got to go, Grandma, Tanner has practice.”

“Alright, darling, you hang in there, and you may want to grab one of those leashes for Lilly that people use on their children. Personally, I think a flip flop against the hine is just as good a deterrent, but people look down on that these days, call it child abuse.” She lets out a snarky laugh.

I let out a genuine laugh of my own. “Okay Grandma, goodbye, love you.”

“I love you too, darling, kiss those babies on the head for me.” The line goes dead.

“Tanner, are you ready?” I call out, being very aware of the fact that we’re already running late for practice.

“Yes ma’am.” His head pops around the corner, his hair is flying in multiple directions and his pack hangs off of his shoulder.

“Alright.” I grab my keys before a sleeping Lilly, and we leave the house in a hurry. I still pull into the parking lot of the baseball field late despite going over the speed limit. “Go ahead and hop out,” I tell Tanner watching as he sprints to the field, joining the rest of the team in their stretching. Nathan is here and he gives Tanner a high five before looking in the direction of my car. A part of me wants to duck, but it’s pointless since I’m going to be getting out of the car anyway.

He looks away and I pray my windows are dark enough that he didn’t see me as I lay my head briefly against the steering wheel. He probably thinks I’m a hot mess.

He wouldn’t be wrong in his thinking.

Sighing, I turn the car off and get out, rounding the car to pull Lilly out of her seat. She rouses slightly but she doesn’t fully wake as she presses her head into the crook of my shoulder.

I move toward the bleachers, where once again the other parents watch me with sneers on their faces. Really, what in the fuck is their actual problem? I glare back as I take a seat on the bottom row, keeping my shoulders high.

I feel their gazes on the back of my head and I count backwards from 100 in my head. We don’t need another anger outburst.

“Showing up late… how tacky,” one of the moms say from somewhere behind me. “And look at how she dresses.”