Relapse

I decide that it’s a discussion for another time and leave him alone. “Alright, bud,” I set Lilly on her feet, grabbing her hand. I’m trying to not carry her around as much since a google search said I should try to let her start being more independent.

We head next door and as we get closer, I can’t help but to feel slightly anxious. Just act normal, Ivy, they’re your neighbors and you were invited to their cookout. There’s no need to be weird, even if you’re attracted to all three of them. It’s not like you can act on it anyway.

With a deep breath, I knock on the door. Not even a couple of seconds later, the door is pulled open and I find Chase standing in front of me with a wide grin on his face. He’s wearing a muscle shirt and it shows off thick muscles that I have to force myself to pull my eyes away from. “Hey, how are you guys today?” he asks and takes a step back for us to come in.

Tanner dashes in and Lilly follows. “We’re doing good, thanks for asking.” I follow the kids in, keeping an eye on them. The smoked aroma of barbequed meat and something sweet is in the air and my stomach growls.

“We have some appetizers out back,” Chase says with a smile as he stares down at me.

I wave a hand. “Oh, I can wait.”

He shakes his head, “Don’t be ridiculous, just this way,” he moves in front of the kids and guides us through the house. In the kitchen, the smell of food is thicker and it’s so tantalizing that it makes my mouth water.

Nathan stands at the stove, stirring something but he turns when he hears us enter. He offers me a wide smile before turning his attention to the kids. “Hey Tanner.”

“Hi Coach Nathan.”

“And my little friend,” Nathan says as he puts a top on one of the pots and lays the metal spoon down. He wipes his hands on the apron and picks Lilly up, spinning her around. She giggles before he places her back on her feet at a safe distance from the hot stove.

“The barbeque and sides aren’t quite done yet, but we have some appetizers,” he says, gesturing to the table full of food. There’s fruit, chips, and something wrapped in glazed bacon.

Tanner’s hand reaches out to snatch one of the bacon wrapped treats before I can tell him to use hand sanitizer sitting on the table.

“Tanner.”

“Huh?” He looks up at me with innocent eyes, his mouth full as he chews.

Great, here five seconds and it looks like I’ve brought barbarians with me.

“The hand sanitizer,” I say, nodding to the bottle.

“Oh, sorry,” he turns, giving Chase and Nathan apologetic looks.

“Oh, it’s no problem,” Chase says, patting him on the shoulder.

Tanner squirts hand sanitizer into his hands and Nathan passes him a plate to stack a bunch of the snacks on. I sanitize my own hands before putting fruit and the bacon wrapped things on a plate for Lilly and I.

“We’ve got some seats out back and some of the other neighbors are already here,” Chase says as he heads for one of the doors in the kitchen. The kids and I follow and I can’t help but feel the heat of Nathan’s stare on my back as we leave the house.

Their backyard is much like ours in size and setup but they have a lot more outdoor furniture and a huge gazebo sits in the middle of the yard. There’s a grill going not too far from the door and the smell coming from it is just as amazing as the fragrances inside the house.

There’s a handful of people already sitting under the gazebo and they sit in a close knit group, chatting amongst themselves. My stomach drops slightly at the thought of trying to fit into their little group. I can tell from one glance that these aren’t the type of people I’m used to hanging out with. They’re all prim and proper, the men in polo shorts and khakis that are too hot to wear in the summertime and the women mostly wear sundresses.

I look down at my ripped jeans.

Maybe I should have worn something more professional looking.

The thought is stupid and I dismiss it as quickly as it comes. This is a cookout, not a fucking banquet. Still, some nerves reside.

“Just this way,” Chase says and my feet follow him despite my mind telling me to grab the kids and go in the other direction.

“Hey guys, this is Ivy, she’s our new neighbor and this is her son, Tanner, and her daughter, Lilly.” And those words make me more anxious than the stares the people give me.

I’m not their mother,just say the fucking words, Ivy.

Instead, I remain silent and my gaze wanders to Tanner who’s paused eating his appetizers. His eyes meet mine and maybe I’m being dramatic, but in them I see my exact thoughts.

I’m not his mother, just his aunt who he’s stuck with.