Relapse

I rip off the tape on a tall, flat box and smile as my easel comes into sight. I pull it out of the box and set it up before realizing that I have no idea what happened to my stool while in the midst of the move.

I’ll find it later.

I run up the stairs long enough to find a blanket that won’t be missed and spread it out along the floor. I open up the next box and find my box of paints, oils, and paper. I lay the easel flat on the floor and attach a piece of paper to it. Grabbing my brushes, I instantly go for the paint and I get lost…

The familiar swipes against the paper relaxes me and without an end goal in mind I just paint. Colors turn to shapes and strokes turn into accents.

I don’t stop until my stomach starts to relentlessly growl.

Pulling back from the portrait, my eyes widen at the mish of colors on the canvas. It’s abstract and I can’t tell exactly what I was going for but the mix of colors still brings a smile to my face as I look down at it.

I look at the spots of color on my arms and hands and when I stand, there’s also paint on my sweats. The blanket has also suffered but I knew it would so I don’t worry about it as I take one more look at the canvas.

I move to the bathroom and wash my hands before heading to the kitchen in search of food.

I’m just opening the fridge when my doorbell rings.

With a frown, I move to the door and pull it open.

Emmet and Charlie stand on my stoop.

I almost slam the door shut but instead I just look at the pair with wide eyes.

Emmet has on a pair of ripped, black skinny jeans that hug his body and for a second I can’t pull my eyes away. His long hair flows around his shoulders as he looks down at me with a small smile on his face. “I brought a peace offering.” He holds out a bag and it takes me a second to read Spice Works on it. “Nathan said you had a burger when you came in, so that’s what I got you and some fries,” he says as he shifts from foot to foot.

“Oh, thank you,” I take the bag as I try to ignore the slightly awkward tension in the air. “Would you like to come in?” I finally ask after a moment of hesitation. My palms are sweaty and my heart beats a quick rhythm in my chest. I’m unsure whether I want him to actually say yes or turn me down.

His brows lift slightly before he looks down at the dog by his side. “Uh, I’ve got Charlie and I know people don’t like for her to be in their house since she’s so big-”

“No, it’s fine,” I tell him as I take a step back. We can be grownups about what happened, there’s no real reason to avoid him. If anything, we need to talk about it so I can let him know that it can’t happen again. “I don’t mind.”

After a moment of hesitance, he walks in and Charlie follows behind him. When he brushes by me, I notice that the piney tones from last time are gone, and only the sweet scent remains.

Closing the door behind us, I lead him down the hall to the table. I set the bag of food down, nervously fiddling with my hands. “Can I get you something to drink?” I’m pretty sure that’s what people say when they’re being hospitable.

“Water is fine,” he says as he watches me from behind eyes that are more alert than they usually are.

I move to the kitchen and grab a bottle of cold water and take a moment to just catch my breath.

Why did you invite him in when things are obviously awkward between the two of you. Because it’s time to be a fucking grown up, and stop running from your problems.I try not to think too much about it as I head back to the table and place the bottle of water in front of him.

“Thank you.” He takes the bottle and I notice his rings and black nail polish are still present.

“I was just about to search for something to eat anyway, so this is appreciated,” I tell him as I sit down in the seat across from him.

His topaz eyes follow my movements. “Oh, it’s no problem.” He takes a gulp of the water before replacing the cap on it and laying his forearms on the table as he watches me. “I, umm…” He shakes his head slightly, running a hand through his hair. “I just wanted to come over and apologize for kissing you, amongst… other things.” He winces and something about it makes me relax slightly.

I pause opening the bag, as I try to think of a reply. When I look at the deep set of his shoulders, I let out a short laugh. “I don’t think I’ve ever had someone apologize for going down on me before. Plus it takes two to tango and I’m the one who instigated the whole thing.” I definitely remember grabbing him and bringing his lips to mine, which is a big reason I’ve been stressing about it since I’m the one who lost control when I knew better.

“I didn’t mind it, but I could tell that it bothered you, hence the apology. I don’t know if I took it too far or…” He shrugs helplessly and as he looks back at me with confusion in his gaze I realize why he seems slightly different today.

Today is the first time I’ve spoken to him without him being somewhat stoned.

I watch him, considering my words carefully. “It wasn’t you, it was me. I shouldn’t have touched the joint, I haven’t had one in a while. And I certainly shouldn’t have kissed you or let things go further.” I bite my lip slightly and when his eyes snap to the motion and I see the heat in them, I stop. I clear my throat as I feel my body start to heat slightly. “You’re our neighbor and I should have known that this was going to make things awkward.” So stop looking at me like that before I make another mistake.

He nods sharply and his gaze wanders away from me. “I understand.”

“I was stressed and I haven’t had a joint in a while, and I let the temptation get the best of me and you were there…” I sigh, realizing the explanation seems to not really be helping. “You know what, we can agree to just put it behind us,” I finally say as I take the burger out of the wrapper and place the fries on the table.