Relapse

It’s been a while since the cravings have hit this hard, but I can’t remember the last time I was this stressed so I’m not too surprised.

When red and blue lights start flashing behind me and the whirl of a siren turns on, I slam my hands against the wheel.

Just what I fucking need.

I pull over to the side of the road and roll my window down as the officer approaches. “Ma’am, are you aware you were going ten over?” The officer asks, leaning down.

“Can I please just have the ticket?” I ask in frustration. I lean over to get the registration out of my glove compartment and pull my license out of my wallet.

The officer looks on in shock as I pass them over. For a moment, it looks like he’s going to say something, but instead he returns to his car.

When I look at Tanner in the mirror, I swear I see judgement in his eyes.

The cop comes back and he passes me my things and the ticket, giving me a spiel of details that I don’t need. Knowing I’ve already pushed my luck with my curtness, I listen without a remark.

My heart is hammering in my chest as I pull off and continue toward the house, making sure to keep under the speed limit. My limbs feel tight and my head hurts as my heart pounds fast.

When we pull into the yard, I turn off the car and just sit there. Tanner gets out and marches to the door, his backpack flopping against his back. I let out a sigh before finally getting out of the car, slamming the door behind me.

I move to the front door and put the key in the lock, turning it, but I don’t push the door open. “You know that you’re going to have to tell me what’s going on, right?” I ask, turning my head to look at Tanner.

His lips pull tight and his fists ball. “No I don’t because you’re not my mom!” The words rip through the air and he moves past me, throwing the door open.

I freeze, only able to look after him as I try to figure out what the hell just happened.

I just went to bat for him without knowing all the details of what happened and yet he has the nerve to disrespect me like that?

“Ivy?” I don’t even have to turn to know it’s Emmet but I still do.

The concern on his face with the combination of Tanner’s words breaks me. “Ivy? What’s wrong?” Emmet wraps his arms around me as all the tension from the car ride builds over and tears start to stream down my face. “Babe?” he holds me tightly. “Come on, let’s go in the house and I’ll take care of you.”

I don’t know how I manage to make my feet move as I follow him through the house, the blur of tears warping my vision.

“Sit,” Emmet’s hands rest gently on my shoulder as he sits me down on my bed and then he’s pulling my shoes off and throwing them aside. I feel the bed dip and then he’s pulling me into his arms as the sobs continue.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

“What time does Lilly need to be picked up?” he asks gently.

“Four o’clock.”

“Okay, Chase will go get her.”

“He can’t,” I manage to get out as I wipe at my eyes. “He’s not authorized.”

“Can you call the daycare and get him authorized?”

“I think.” I bring my shirt up to wipe at the mess my face has become.

“Okay, well, give yourself some time to calm down, we still have a couple of hours before four rolls around and we’ll get it settled.” His hand rubs down my back as he pulls me in closer and I just soak in his warmth.

“I don’t even fucking know why I’m crying,” I tell him, swiping at my eyes.

“How about you tell me what happened from the time you left our house?”

“I went to the school and the principal kept talking down to me and just being a bitch. She kept making these remarks about Tanner coming from an unstable home and she basically said since he’s in a single parent household that he’s at a disadvantage. She was just the fucking worst. Not to mention that Tanner has apparently gotten in trouble a couple of other times but no one ever called me. How am I supposed to fix a problem if I know nothing about it?” My eyes burn as the tears threaten to restart. I sniff. “Of course I told her off, but I tried to do it in the classiest way I could, because I really don’t want Tanner kicked out of the school, it’s the best one in this area. Yet, I’m not even sure I want him there from the vibes I got off of them today.” I swipe at my face.

“Then I sped home because my mind was everywhere so naturally I got a fucking ticket.” I shake my head. “And then we get here and Tanner fucking snaps at me and tells me I’m not his mom like I don’t already fucking know.” A hiccup goes through my body and I rub at my leg. “I need a cigarette.” I turn my gaze up to Emmet, looking at the concern in his eyes. “Do you have one?”

He shakes his head, swiping a tear from my eye. “No, and if I did, I wouldn’t give it to you. You’re doing better so I won’t let you fall back into bad habits. Instead, I’m going to hold you and let you vent and then we’re going to figure this out together.”