In with the New Baby

I think about my own fucked-up mother.

“What does that mean?” I ask him.

“It means I did what I thought I could do at the time to help her.”

“Aren’t you mad at her?” I ask.

I lean in closer to him. The blonde college girls have spotted me and giggle and point. I don’t know if they recognize me from MMA fights, they’ve seen or if they just think I’m hot.

It doesn’t matter, though, because I don’t want any of them. I’ve still got Amanda on the brain, even though she wouldn’t know it, because I’ve been avoiding her, like the big idiot I am.

“Not really,” he says. “Or even when I am, it doesn’t seem to help.”

“That’s fucked up, man,” I say again. I lean back against the booth. “Geez. Thanks for the big pep talk. Now I’m even more depressed.”

“My point is,” he says, “is that maybe it’s not a bad thing for you to reconsider Texas and your own mom. You know I have resources through Dr. Mack, to help with depression and other issues vets face, so I’m not even going to push any of that on you since it’s not wanted. I just think that maybe this Amanda thing could be a good opportunity. When Anne told me that Amanda had told him what the issue was, I immediately thought it had something to do with your mom, so I wanted to talk to you about it because I don’t think you should let that hold you back from going to Texas with Amanda.”

“No way,” I say. “I am not going to Odessa with Amanda.”

“OK,” Damien says. “Suit yourself.”

I say nothing and look around.

I see lots of people enjoying themselves. Life ain’t so bad, really, I’m just in a funk and need to get out of it. Plus, I got Rexie, and Damien, and even Amanda.

I sigh.

“OK, I’ll think about doing it.”

“Do what?” Damien asks and motions to Matt to come over to our table.

“I’ll think about going to Texas,” I say and finish my beer.

How many times was I going to tell myself I’d think about it? I know that isn’t really saying anything at all. It’s just as much commitment about the whole matter as I can give.

“That’s your decision,” Damien says.

Matt comes back over.

“Another round is coming over, courtesy of those young ladies,” he says, and motions with his chin towards the bar.

Almost a bronze medal, I think to myself. Well, almost a bronze is a thousand times better than never rejoining the game at all.

And here this hot gay guy has accomplished more than most of the straight asshole dudes I know.

It’s time to reconsider who and what is masculine, and who and what is not.

Damien and I nod to the girls to thank them for the drinks. Damien waves and nods at them but I shake my head as if to say, “Sorry, girls, I’m spoken for.”

And I really hope I am. Because even though I’ve told Damien I’d think about going to Texas with Amanda, I’m not sure if she’ll want anything to do with me now that I’ve been avoiding her.

Chapter 16

Lincoln

I felt a little better about things when I came home last night, but now as I awake in the clear dawn, I’m beginning to doubt myself again.

I roll over with no plan of getting out of bed when I hear this breathy panting.

I turn on my other side and there’s Rexie panting, with a big smile on his face.

“Give me a minute, boy,” I say.

I reach out to pat him, close my eyes, then withdraw my hand.

I then feel his big snout pushing at my hand. I reach out and pat him again and withdraw.

But apparently, it’s not enough. Rexie backs up, stands on all fours, leans against the bed and wags his tail.

He barks at my face and nudges my head with his wet snout.

“OK, OK,” I say.

He’s telling that he has to go out.

I figure I’ll let him out and then go back to bed.

I open the back door and let him out, but he just stands there looking at me on the back porch.

“Go to the bathroom!” I command him.

Rexie still wags his tail and smiles at me in his big panting way.

I approach him with my hands on my hips. I have no time for this. Here I am in my thin boxers with my dick half hanging out and no shirt on. I hope the neighbors don’t see me, but then part of me says who the fuck cares?

The way I’m feeling lately is that if I feel like pulling my schlong out and if bitter Mrs. Fordham wants to call the cops on me for public exposure, then go right ahead.

She’d probably like to see my schlong and big balls. It’s probably more action than that nosy, frustrated neighbor of mine would have had in years.