Bundle of Joy

“I know,” I tell him. “That’s why it’s better that we don’t let it happen.”

I hurry out to get my skis and head home, wondering why I was ever dumb enough to let my heart get involved in this in the first place.

Chapter 13

Catharine

Two weeks have passed, not to mention New Year’s, which I spent with friends but thought of Daniel. In fact, not a day has gone by out of those two weeks that I haven’t thought about them and missed them.

But it was getting way too complicated and I was unsure whether Daniel had gotten me fired. I started to tell myself that if I was that unsure then I should ask him. But then I would second guess myself and think that it means I don’t trust him so I shouldn’t even think about moving forward with someone I don’t trust.

I don’t even know if he would want me back. He was pretty pissed when I stormed off, and I guess I can’t blame him. Unless he did get Michelle and me fired, and then I blame him for a lot of things.

I’ve been really anxious and not sleeping well because of this. My stomach has been upset and I’ve even thrown up.

But this morning, as I get out of bed and immediately feel queasy, I begin to realize I might have bigger problems to worry about. What I thought was anxiety might be morning sickness.

Am I fucking pregnant?

I hurry down to the drugstore and buy a pregnancy test. I take it right there in the bathroom and the lines waste no time turning pink – both of them. The one that means positive, too.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

On my way back from the drugstore, I’m afraid I might hyperventilate. I call my friend Amanda, to calm me down.

There’s no way I’m calling Sally. She’s mad at me for even ditching Daniel at the resort, and has been telling me I should call and talk to him. She thinks this was all a big misunderstanding and that maybe Michelle is up to no good. She remembers her as being bitchy when she was there doing the cake.

She would yell at me and say that if I would have talked to Daniel I wouldn’t be facing this alone, and I’m not ready to face that. Or maybe I’m just worried about worst case scenario as I don’t think she’d actually yell at me but I just feel too stupid to call her. Amanda is the one person I think I can confide in. Unlike Gia and Sally, she’s not in a relationship, hasn’t been pregnant, isn’t all “ga ga goo goo” over a guy, so she’ll be most objective. Maya would be, too, but I know that she’s at work right now.

“Hello,” Amanda says when she picks up.

“Hi.”

“You okay?” she asks.

It’s as if she can immediately sense something’s wrong.

“No,” I tell her, honestly. “Nothing is okay at all.”

Suddenly, I’m crying, and Amanda says she’ll be right over. I’m so grateful for good friends like her.

An hour later, she’s making me crackers and peanut butter after I’ve gotten done spilling my guts.

“Honey, I know this seems bad, but it’ll be okay,” she says. “You need to eat. First things first.”

“I can’t keep anything down,” I tell her.

“Here, try these.”

She passes me the crackers and I find them surprisingly palatable.

“Thanks!” I tell her.

“No problem. I’m the oldest of seven so I saw my mom pregnant lots, and I’ve had pregnant sisters.”

“Wow, that’s a lot of experience,” I muse.

“Yeah, and it’s why I know I never want to be pregnant.” After looking at me, she quickly follows that statement up with, “Sorry. I didn’t mean…”

“It’s okay,” I tell her, sighing. “I didn’t want to be pregnant either! But now…”

I rub my belly, even though I know there’s nothing big in there yet. I just can’t believe it. I’m in absolute shock still.

“Look, I hate to say Sally’s right, but maybe you should talk to Daniel.”

“I… can’t.”

“I mean, even though you’re mad at him. Maybe just tell him about the baby and see how he reacts.”

“How can I separate the two things?” I ask her. “In my head, it’s like the father of my baby got me fired. That’s shitty.”

“You don’t know that,” she reminds me. “It sounds like a whirlwind romance but it also sounds like you were really into him. Do you feel you know the type of person he is? Do you know who he really is, inside?”

I look at her and realize she’s right.

Daniel wouldn’t have done that. There has to be some kind of mistake in Michelle’s logic, although I can’t exactly point out what it is at the moment.

Daniel is not a vindictive guy. He doesn’t even speak ill of Charlie’s mom, who was pretty shitty, by the sounds of it, and really hurt Charlie by leaving. He’s rich and kind of clueless about how the rest of the world lives but that doesn’t mean he has a bad heart or that he’d force me to work for him by purposefully taking away my other options.