Inevitable (A Kingpin Love Affair 2)

“I swear to fucking god, you have a death wish, Zerro. A death fucking wish,” Jared muttered under his breath angrily.

“No death wish, Jared…” I hissed out between clenched teeth as a burning sensation radiated up my leg. It hurt, but not as bad as I thought it would. “I have a need for revenge. A burning, all-consuming rage to have revenge on Mack; to get Bree back. Sitting here in this fucking bed, not getting better, not moving, and allowing myself to think about it more, just adds unneeded fuel to the fire.”

In my rant to Jared, I didn’t even realize I had come to stand on both feet while holding the side of the bed. Releasing a deep breath, I let go of the sheets and stood by myself. I looked up at Jared and watched him walk over to me—waiting for me to fall to the ground I was certain. I wasn’t used to feeling weak, to needing someone. If anything, the need for help just made me angrier. I wasn’t coping with the shit that went down. I was simply waiting it out until the moment I could sink my knife into Mack’s flesh.

“Bree needs you, Zerro. She needs you to come and save her wherever the fuck she is, but she also needs you to be strong and healthy because, without those things, you’re useless to her. If you go barreling in there without a plan, without fully being healed, you become a liability.”

Fuck. Running a hand through my hair and down my face, I allowed a sigh of release. As much as I fucking didn’t want to admit it, which was a lot, Jared was right. He was right, and I’d be damned if it didn’t make it fucking worse.

“You’re right… but Bree… she needs me…” I was struggling with my next words because I still wasn’t sure about where Bree and I stood. Her father had killed my mother. I had almost killed her. Fuck. All I knew for certain, even after everything that had happened, was that I loved her, and when I found her, I would release her of the debt and give her the freedom she deserved. I would protect her for the rest of her life, even if it killed me to protect her from myself.

I was so lost in my own shit storm, I hadn’t realized Jared had placed his hand on my shoulder. I turned my head glaring at his hand. I knew it was just a gesture of reassurance, but nothing would assure me she was okay—at least not until I had her in my arms.

“I know you love her. There isn’t any reason for you to have to say it out loud. Just know if you don’t get yourself healthy, you will be useless to her and to me.”

My eyes left his hand and went to his face. He was looking at me as a friend. Talking to me as a friend. I knew why—because we were friends. Always had been, but I didn’t trust people for a reason. Trusting Mack got me into this situation. What if trusting Jared pushed me into my own grave?

“You know nothing about love or my love for her. I will get better and I will find her. I will kill Mack and her father. Then I will move on with my life, never thinking back to this very moment,” I growled, so angry with myself and with Jared. It’s an irrational thought because Jared has done nothing wrong.

I caught a glimpse of a smile crossing his face and had I not been in the condition I was in, I would’ve wiped the floor with his face. It didn’t matter what all he had done for me. He was to respect me, treat me as I was.

“You’re so right. I know nothing of love. Nothing about it,” he said taking a couple steps back as he headed for the door. “I can tell you love will only get you so far. If you love her as much as you say you do, you will heal. There is no way Mack would kill her—you and I both know it. He took her for a reason.” Jared’s voice was almost reasoning with me, and I forced myself to continue to stare at the wood grain in the floor.

We were in Jared’s home and everything in it represented him… I’ve said it before, and I’m sure I’ll say it again… he was right. Gritting my teeth, I forced out the words I had never said to anyone. “Thank you… for helping me.” I lifted my face, my eyes landing on a photo on the wall. It was one of him and his mother before she was killed. Just like mine.

He looked similar to her. Dark hair and eyes. Beautiful as ever. It made me wonder how he had even started working for me. He was one of the good ones, and to be caught up in this drama wasn’t fair to him. I owed his family more than that.

“Zerro, get better, get the girl, and be happy. You have nothing to thank me for.” He completely dismissed me and turned around to walk out of the room to leave me be. As much as I thought to be alone was the right thing, I knew it was wrong. Thoughts of Bree came to the surface, and I wondered what she was going through. How much longer could she hold on? Was she still alive? It was those thoughts that reminded me I love her. I would do whatever I could to apologize to her for my actions. I refused to allow her to think the last memories of me were of some evil monster because, though it may be true, I’m also someone else. I’m a lover… and I love her.

“How does your leg feel?” Jared asked as he set a bowl of soup in front of me. It had been a few days since I had started walking around again, and I was just getting used to moving around more and more. My muscles ached, and sometimes I felt like I might collapse, but then I would think of Bree and all she must have been going through.