Sweet Taboo

9

DeSean

I did mean it,but the minute I said it, I realized my mistake. Tegyn wasn’t ready to hear any of that. She was scared, and apparently rightfully so. She was in the middle of a divorce, like I planned to be soon. And we hadn’t seen each other for three long, lonely years.

Wiggling free from my grasp, she took a step back. “Let’s see how your hot chocolate is first. One step at a time, okay?” Tegyn stared at me evenly. “I’m just going to go in my office and…”

“Hide?” I guessed with a sigh.

Her eyes sparkled. “Sure. Let’s go with that.” Then she bounced off like she hadn’t just been near tears moments before.

I grinned. That’s my girl. She’d always been a warrior. Some things had changed, but not that. With her out of the kitchen, I set to work on making her the best damn hot chocolate she’d ever had. I mean, this drink was going to straight up be made with love. And I suppose I hoped she’d take one sip, stare into my eyes and just…get it.

I warmed the milk, stirring constantly with a wooden spoon I’d taken from a drawer near the stove, determined not to scald it. When it was nearly heated through, I added a ridiculous amount of Hershey’s syrup, and then turned off the burner once it had been thoroughly mixed. After pouring into two mugs, I topped with the spray whipped cream, and garnished with more Hershey’s syrup. Proud of my efforts, I wandered into the office with a mug in each hand and casually leaned against the doorway. “Ready for a party in your belly?” I joked.

Tegyn glanced up from her open laptop. She’d been sitting in the dark with the blinds open. Even in the short time I’d been in the room, she’d glanced outside twice. “Thank you,” she murmured as she reached for the one I held out to her.

I watched as she swallowed some. She eyed me as she licked the whipped cream. The blood rushed to my groin. The woman wasn’t playing fair. She knew all my weaknesses and I swear she had none.

“It’s good,” she admitted with a nod.

“So, about forever,” I teased while tugging on my chin. When she paled and froze, I laughed. “I’m joking, Tegyn. You used to love my jokes.”

“You didn’t have many then, but you were very funny.” She tilted her head. “Now look at you. Our roles are completely reversed. What has you so happy and at ease?”

I took a long sip of hot chocolate while I contemplated how much honesty to share with her. This time, my second chance to be with her, had to be different. So I’d take all the risks. And I’d be different in the hope I’d have a better outcome.

“This,” I murmured. “Being here with you, even under these circumstances. This is what’s making me happy.” I watched her face.

“D, you’re still married,” she reminded me. “Hell, this time around, I’m still married.”

“I know that, but we’re both headed in the right direction this time.” I grinned, hoping to soothe her fears.

“Right. Only you’ve had three years to finish a divorce you supposedly started before that. Meanwhile, I’ve managed to get married and separated. I’ll probably even be officially single before you, despite Trent’s best efforts.” She was all worked up and turned her face away. Slowly, she lifted the mug to her lips and took a sip. Tegyn wiped at her eyes as she glanced at me again. “Okay, this almost makes up for your marital status.” Her brow rose. “But not quite.”

I squatted beside her desk and set my drink on the wood. Then I reached out and swiveled her seat to face me. “Don’t cry, Tegyn. Let me explain.” I blew out a breath. “And it’s too long a story to tell squatting. Come sit with me.” I held out a hand to her.

“Fine, but I can do it myself.” Her lips became a thin line, which was some kind of feat. That girl had some pretty lips.

So, I stepped to the side and let her pass. She held her mug tightly in her hand as she walked by me and directly to the family room. She glanced out the back patio doors, saw a few flakes falling, and veered toward a switch on the wall. Once she flicked it on, the stacked stone fireplace came to life.

“Nice trick you have there,” I joked. For some reason, it felt like I had to earn her trust back over and over again.

“Talk,” she urged. “Explain to me why you’re still married.”

I took a deep breath as I sat on the opposite end of the couch. “When we started dating, Camilla…”

She inhaled sharply. “You never told me her name before.”

I shook my head sadly. “Right. I know. I wanted her as far out of my life as possible.” I rubbed the back of my neck and stared sadly into my hot chocolate. “She had moved into the bottom floor of the house. She claimed she’d move out as soon as she could find a place, but I soon realized she wasn’t even looking. She was too busy worrying over what I was doing.”

Tegyn watched me as I spoke, silently sipping while I struggled to explain. When I paused too long, she prodded me. “Go on.”

“Well, a few months before we separated, we tried really hard to make a go of it, but my heart wasn’t in it. She wasn’t the woman she pretended to be while we were dating. She lived to stir things up. She created drama just to see if I cared. It was an exhausting way to live.” I frowned as these memories assaulted me.

“And that’s when she got pregnant?” she asked quietly.

I nodded. “Yeah. She didn’t tell me she was pregnant until after it was too late to even consider an abortion. She knew you and I were dating and she bided her time like a damn spider in a web.” I took one long drink, swallowing the rest of the warm, soothing liquid, and then set it on the mahogany end table beside the couch. After I folded my hands, I continued my sad tale. “I couldn’t be like my father, Tegyn. It would’ve been easy to walk away from her, but I couldn’t walk away from my child. She knew that about me. That’s why she intentionally got pregnant even though she never wanted kids and even when it was obvious we were doomed.”