Breathe (Sea Breeze 1)

“Sadie lives with her mother in an apartment here in Sea Breeze. Her mother is a single mom who is expecting a baby any day. Sadie seems to be the only one with a job. Interestingly enough, she somehow managed to be Jax Stone’s summer girl.”

I closed my eyes and laid my head on the table. I couldn’t believe the local newspaper had gotten wind of this. They’d painted Jax as a cold jerk who took advantage of his employees.

“You’d better come in here Sadie,” Jessica’s voice called from the living room. “Things seem to be getting better and better.”

I looked up. She was staring at the television. I knew deep down I didn’t want to see what she was watching, but I stood up and forced myself to walk in there.

“Star Follower has the scoop on everyone’s favorite teen rocker. Jax Stone who was spotted with Baily Kirk just last week here in Beverly Hills, has been located in, Alabama. That’s right, fans. He has been spending his time this summer on the coast of Alabama, and not alone either. He has been dating his hired help. The kitchen maid.” Photos of me with Jax appeared on the screen. “Our insider source says she rides her bike to his home, where she is employed to work in the kitchen and in the garden. When Jax has any free time, he spends it charming this Alabama local. It seems the girl who lives in a small apartment and takes care of her single, yet pregnant, mom, has climbed up the ladder and found herself a way out of poverty. We are left to wonder if she will manage to squeeze out a better way of life from this smitten rock star. Jax Stone really is a big-hearted guy. It’s one of the reasons he is so incredibly edible!”

I ran from the room and went straight to the bathroom. This time, I did get sick. After I emptied everything inside me, I splashed my face with water, and then sank down to the floor and laid my head on the tub. This wasn’t something I’d been expecting. I had been prepared for a lot, but this wasn’t something I ever feared. Now my life was being splattered all over the media. Either I sounded like a gold digging tramp, or Jax sounded like he was taking advantage of a stupid, naive southern girl. There was a knock on the bathroom door. I couldn’t face Jessica right now. I just needed to be alone.

“Throwing up isn’t going to make this better. You might as well come hear the other versions on other news channels. Some of them don’t paint us like white trash.”

I groaned. “No.”

I stayed on the floor of the bathroom until I heard someone at the front door, and I knew without a doubt it was Jax.

“Sadie, honey, you got company,” Jessica’s voice called from outside the door again.

I didn’t want to leave him out there with her, so I stood up and stared at myself in the mirror. My eyes were bloodshot, and there was nothing I could do about it. I opened the door and instead of Jessica stood a very upset Jax.

He grabbed me and pulled me into his arms. “I swear, I will kill whoever did this.”

I began to cry again. I didn’t want to do this to him because he was obviously beating himself up about it.

He pulled back just enough so I could see his face. “Will you come with me?”

I nodded.

Jax led me with his arm firmly around my waist. “Ms. White, I am just going to take Sadie for a little while. I will bring her back soon.”

Jessica snorted. “Just make sure you bring her back happier than she is right now.”

He frowned, and we walked out to his Hummer. Kane sat in the driver’s seat, and I was glad I didn’t have to give up Jax’s arms for him to drive. A flash went off, and Jax put himself in front of me. “Hurry, get into the car.” He slid in behind me, and we were in the protection of dark tinted windows.

“Sadie, I am so sorry,” he whispered again.

I sniffed and wiped my eyes. “It’s not your fault.”

He gave a hard laugh. “Yes, it is. I was careless. I wanted everyone to know you were mine, and I put you in the way of danger. The media are like hungry vultures. They pick you dry. This isn’t going to just disappear.”

I shuddered at the thought of more of my personal life being shared with the world. “How do you do this? How do you handle the invasion of privacy?” I whispered through my tear-clogged throat.

He sighed. “It’s all I have known for a very long time.”

“This is hard,” I admitted.

His eyes were haunted. I hated that I was the cause of all of this. Being with me seemed to only bring him trouble.

“I’m tough.” I forced a smile. “I can live through this.”

Jax didn’t say anything for a few minutes. He reached over and pulled me into his arms, and we sat in silence.

“I promised you I would never let anything hurt you again.” He closed his eyes tightly and whispered, as if the images in his head were too much, “And instead I’ve not only hurt you, but your mom.”

I touched his arm hating to see him so torn up inside. “I told you I was tough. It isn’t your fault.”

He dropped his hold and pulled away from me and leaned forward on his knees. “No, Sadie, no! This is all my fault. I am the world’s favorite teenage rock star. I live in the media. But to hear them,” he stopped and his jaw clinched, “to hear them talk about you that way. I need… I want to hurt someone.”

I scooted up on my seat to get closer to him. “Jax, please, I should have known something like this would happen. Yes, it hurts, but I can live through this. I can live through anything as long as I have you.”

He shook his head violently. “Don’t you see, Sadie, this is just the beginning. Your life will never be the same. I knew this when I first realized I wanted to be with you. My life isn’t made for relationships. Only girls in the spotlight can handle it, and I have never found one I wanted. Then came you. Sweet, gorgeous, selfless...everything I had never known. I was selfish to allow this to happen. I was selfish when I decided to charm you, and when it worked, I was selfish to want to hold on to you.”

He took my hands in his. “I love you more than anyone or anything I have ever known. You’ve somehow become the song inside of me. It’s because I love you so much I am going to walk out of your life and allow you to heal and find someone worthy of you. Someone who can take you to the movies and out to get a pizza and not have to worry about being mauled by fans, or your picture taken and splashed all over the news. I want you to have more than I can give.”

I glanced out the window and realized we were sitting outside my apartment again.

“I’m not strong enough to do this, Sadie. If you love me, you will get out of the car and walk away.”

My heart shattered, and I couldn’t get a deep breath. My eyes were clouded by unshed tears. But I didn’t move, I couldn’t.

“I don’t want to walk away from you. I love you, but how can you ask me to do this?” I whispered.

He studied me with hard eyes. “Sadie, I was leaving anyway in a few short weeks. We couldn’t have kept seeing each other after I left. This, and more, would happen if I tried to come back here during my free time.”

“But you said you loved me.”

His laugh sounded hard and mechanical. “Sometimes, Sadie, love isn’t enough. This is one of those times.”

The door on my side opened, and Kane stood with his hand held out to me. Jax eyes seemed void of emotion.

“Goodbye, Sadie.”

I always knew he would have to be the one to end this. I could never walk away from him any other way. But he wanted me to now. He wanted me to leave. I was a hindrance to his life. I couldn’t fit in. I hated myself for my weakness and my emotions. But I knew they were a part of me, and I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t be what he needed. I stepped out of the car and headed toward the door where my mother stood waiting on me. She had known somehow I would be coming back this way. The tears rolled down my face as I made my way to her, and for the first time since I was a little girl, I hurled myself into her arms and wept.

* * *

Chapter Fifteen

I’d never been empty and void before. Even during hard times, I’d had a dream for my future. To live without a daydream or hope for happiness was like walking around dead. There was no future I could see that gave me reason to daydream. I hadn’t left my room for days, I’m not sure how many, but I couldn't bring myself to get up. Jessica stood outside my door everyday and talked to me. She left food that I didn’t eat, and she threatened to have me hospitalized. But when someone doesn’t care if they take their next breath, threats mean nothing.

Jessica had begun leaving the house for hours at a time. The sound of her car starting up let me know she had left. After sunset, her car returned. She always asked me if I was okay and encouraged me to eat. But I couldn’t eat. My appetite had gone. I knew without my working, we would run out of money, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Something inside me wanted to stay in this room and not move. If I moved, it hurt, and I couldn’t deal with the pain again.

Somewhere in my darkness a phone rang. The ring of a familiar song that sent arrows through my heart. I knew it was for me, but I couldn’t answer it. His voice on the other line would open the blackness I had wrapped around me. I needed the blackness it kept out the pain that wanted in. So I let it ring. The song eventually stopped, and I knew I’d never hear that ring again. I had the darkness to hold onto. That kept the pain out. It was so much easier this way.

A knock on my window startled me, and I jumped. The window opened, and I sat motionless, unable to stop the intruder. The fight in me was gone. I watched as my intruder stepped into the darkness, and the familiar face of a friend broke through the dark blanket, and my tears began to fall.

Marcus sat down beside me against the wall and pulled me into his arms. I went like a child and curled up in his lap and cried. He didn’t speak. He just held me, and his silence and acceptance soothed the pain. When my crying eventually mellowed, I stared up at him and touched his face. He was real, and he was here. Even after I had been the reason he lost his job, he had come to me in the darkness.

“Sadie,” he whispered, as if his words might be too much for me. “I need you to eat for me.” He continued and shifted me so I sat beside him.

I frowned at him, confused. Why was he talking about food?

“Sadie, listen to me. You have been in here for three days without food or drink. You have to eat, sweetheart, or I'm going to have to take you to the hospital.”

There they went again, threatening me. I shook my head. I didn’t want food. Marcus held my face in his hands as if I were fragile and might break at any moment.

“Sadie, do you want to get better?”

Even in the darkness, I knew I didn’t want to get worse. I did want to get better. I wanted to have a reason to smile.

“I know you do. Now, I have some water and bread, and I am going to sit right here with you, and I want you to eat for me, okay.” He held the glass of water up to my mouth, and I obediently drank. It wasn’t going to make me better. I knew water wasn’t the answer to the pain, but I drank it anyway. I wanted to take the scared look out of his eyes.

“Good girl,” he said softly, and he broke a piece of bread and held it up to my mouth. “Now, take a bite for me.”

I did, and he broke into a grin. Seeing him smile reminded me that I might never smile again.

“That’s good. Now, take another drink.”

I did, and he seemed thrilled. So, I ate more as he offered it and drank from the cup in his hands. When I had finished what he brought, he grinned like he had won some kind of medal.

“You did wonderful. Now, why don’t we get you cleaned up, and we can go down to the beach and watch the waves.”

I realized I wanted to get out of this room with the darkness. Maybe I could find another way to deal with the pain. The ocean was always soothing. I liked the ocean. I nodded, and he stood and pulled me up. My legs wobbled, and I held on to his arms for support.

“That’s my girl. Now, hold on to me.”

I walked with him into the hall and Jessica was standing there with relief in her eyes.

“Did she eat?” she asked Marcus, and he nodded. “Oh, baby, that’s wonderful. Now, let’s get you all washed up.”

She took my hand, and I stiffened. Some sort of pain tried to break through.

“Uh, maybe I had better get her in there first, and we will see how it goes from there.”

Jessica nodded and stepped back. Marcus walked me into the bathroom and stood me in front of the mirror. The pale girl with dark circles under her eyes that stared back at me scared me. I shivered.

“Now, you see why you need to go out with me. You need fresh air, and the sea breeze is the best thing for you. But, first, you have got to let me wait outside the door and let your mom in here to help you. You’re weak from no food, and you’re dehydrated.”