Committed (Betrothed 4)

He continued to watch me with guarded eyes, prepared for whatever I would throw his way. There was a hint of indifference in his gaze, but it seemed forced. He wasn’t himself at all…as if he had to watch his front and his back when he was with me.

I stared at my ex-husband with longing, missing the intimacy we used to share, the trust that was once unbreakable. He used to come home from work and kiss me as if he’d been thinking about it all day. He used to stare at my naked body as if he’d never seen anything so beautiful. He used to open up to me and confide every secret he never shared with anyone else.

All that was gone.

Before I knew what I was doing, I moved into him and let my hands brush over his chest to his shoulders. My mouth came close to his, and I watched the way he went rigid at my proximity. I could feel his muscles tense under my touch, feel his breath brush over my chin as he sucked in a deep breath.

I leaned in and let my soft lips touch his full ones. My hands slid from his shoulders to his muscular arms, and I closed my eyes as I felt that old spark. I took a deep breath as I touched him, felt all that heat and love rush back. Kissing him was different from kissing any other man. He was special…one of a kind.

I was still so madly in love with him.

That high disappeared when he pulled away abruptly. His arms were removed from my reach, and he sighed in annoyance as he positioned himself a few feet away from me. His hand rubbed the back of his neck before he looked at me.

I felt like he’d slapped me in the face.

Shocked by the rejection, I stood there and didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t even cover up my reaction to spare my dignity. I was embarrassed…and hurt.

Hades responded to my expression. “We can’t.”

I understood we were divorced. I understood we wouldn’t get back together. But I didn’t understand his words. “Why?”

He turned his gaze to the street and watched a few cars go by. The sun had begun to set ten minutes ago, and it would be dark very soon. He let the minutes trickle by before he turned back to me. “Because we can’t.”

The logical part of me knew we needed to remain platonic, make this easier for both of us. We had a son to raise together, and we needed to be responsible adults. Blurring the lines with a confusing relationship would make that difficult. But I wasn’t logical right now. I was pregnant, emotional, and sad. “Are you not attracted to me anymore?” I’d gained an extra twenty pounds throughout the pregnancy, and I had a stomach I couldn’t hide anymore. I was self-conscious about my looks, but I never thought Hades would care.

All Hades did was shake his head as he turned away from me, as if that was the dumbest thing he ever heard.

I knew he was with beautiful women all the time, all slender and toned. I saw the women he was with after we broke up the first time, so I knew his type. Perfect was his type. “Because I’m not skinny and perfect like your strippers and whores, you don’t want me anymore? Now, you’re used to the best, and I’m just some fat pregnant woman?” I felt the tears start in my throat, but I refused to let them be visible in my eyes.

He slowly turned back to me, the tint of his face slowly turning from tanned to red. His brown eyes now looked black, and the vein in his forehead was noticeable. Like a volcano, it seemed like he was about to explode and burn everything around him. “That’s what you think I’ve been doing?” Spit flew from his mouth because he spoke with so much hostility. “You think I’ve been fucking around? No. That’s fucking stupid. I’ve never wanted you more.”

Reassurance washed over me, and I finally felt connected to the man I still loved. My isolation had made me question everything, made me question what I ever meant to him. As my clothes stopped fitting, I felt ugly…hideous. His words made me feel like me again, made me feel confident once more. “Then take me.” I grabbed the front of his shirt and tugged him into me, bringing his lips to mine in a violent collision. Our lips crashed into each other, even our teeth smashing a bit. My fingers tightened on his shirt because I wasn’t going to let him go.

Instead of slipping away, Hades remained in place. His lips didn’t move against mine, but he didn’t end the embrace either. His arms remained at his sides as he breathed against me, as he tried to find the strength to do the right thing and walk away.