The Charlotte Chronicles (Jackson Boys 1)
I don’t mean to be nagging or negative, but what is going on? I feel like I’m writing into the void.
Speaking of void, I’ve been filling my time with community college. Mom said if I was bored doing filing that I should learn a trade. I’m enrolled in City College downtown, and I confess that I kind of love it. I’m not sure what I want to do, so I’m taking a bunch of weird courses, trying a little of everything. I took a welding course which was pretty neat. This one guy, Paul, is like an artist. His welds are so perfect and hardly need any grinding, which is like sanding with the metal disc. He helped me with my own poor technique.
We got to go to a job site and Paul stuck with me the entire time, making sure no one tried anything funny and helping me perfect my welds. I told him that I wasn’t interested in welding as a career, but it fit him perfectly. I introduced him to Dad to see if there were any jobs for Paul after he was done with his apprenticeship and classes.
I think you’d like Paul. He’s a straight-up, no bullshit kind of guy. I asked him what it meant when a guy told you he loved you, promised to love you forever, and then took off without ever saying goodbye. Paul said that the guy wasn’t interested any longer and didn’t know how to tell me. Or was a coward. But I know you aren’t a coward. You’re fearless. He doesn’t know you like I do.
More likely you are busy, doing something dangerous, and you just can’t write back. Right? I can’t even begin to tell you how much I miss you.
Write back. Please.
Love your loneliest girl,
Charlotte
* * *
Dear Nate,
OMG really? You can’t write me one letter in return, but you sic poor Nick on me? He came driving down from Notre Dame in one day because he had to check out some asshole named Paul. I cannot believe you. Seriously. Paul is married with two kids and a gorgeous wife. He’s also like ten years older than me.
I’m not even in welding anymore. I told you that I was trying out a bunch of different classes. Just FYI, I’m taking floral design and my instructor Neil is fucking amazing.
Love,
Charlotte
PS: Don’t you dare send Nick again. He’s not your errand boy.
* * *
Dear Nate,
That’s all you’re going to write? I don’t even know what you are “sorry” about. Sorry that you don’t write to me? Sorry that you can’t bring yourself to break it off? Sorry that I’m too dumb and too stubborn to give up on us?
I was out with my co-workers from the vet clinic and my supervisor, Emma, kept asking me why I never dated anyone. I guess I had too many beers because I spilled the whole story about us. About how we grew up together and that after I was diagnosed with the tumor, you told me that you loved me. You made me promise that it would always be “only you.”
Emma said that I was a fool and I was wasting the best years of my life. You will be happy to know the other girls at the table said if a Navy SEAL really could hold his breath for like ten minutes straight, I should at least give you one chance to make me see heaven before I got rid of you for good. There are so many people that keep telling me that I’m too dumb for words to be spending my evenings writing letters to you when I get nothing in return.
I’d like to say that they don’t know you like I know you, but honestly? I don’t know if I do know you anymore. It’s been years, Nate, and in all that time, I’ve only received a handful of responses from you. I still love you, but I need you. I need you to tell me you love me too.
Love,
Charlotte
* * *
Dear Nate,
I’m sorry I was so pissy in my last few letters. I don’t know what came over me. Please forgive me. I just miss you so so much.
Love you,
Charlotte
* * *
Dear Nate,
I think this is going to be my last letter to you. I can’t take it anymore. The years of your absence are literally killing my heart. I feel myself being diminished every day. I kept hoping, thinking that if I just gave you time, you’d come back to me like you promised. “It will always be Nathan and Charlotte,” you told me once. I held on to that for years now, but as each week, month, year has passed, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m the only one who still believes in that concept anymore.