Going Deep (Imperfect Love 2)

“I can’t,” he repeats. “You don’t understand.” He backs up and scrubs his face with his hands, trying to get himself together. He picks up the towel on the floor and wraps it around his waist. “When I found out Melanie had an abortion, I made a promise to myself.” He gives me a pleading look to understand. He thinks he’s going to hurt my feelings by rejecting me.

“The next woman I have sex with will be the woman I plan to spend my life with. I never want what happened to Melanie to happen again. If we’re in it for the long haul, she will know I’m serious and won’t run off and have an abortion.”

My heart drops into my stomach at what I was just trying to do. Seduce a man who isn’t sexually active because he lives in fear of letting down another woman. Jesus, if I’m not a fucking bitch.

Killian moves forward and I take a step back. He has no idea what my fucked up intentions were. He doesn’t have any idea what a horrible person I am. He’s good. And I’m not. I need to walk away. Leave him alone. He deserves better than anything I’m capable of giving him. I might be broken, but Killian…he’s not. He’s just a little bent.

“Have you ever thought about seeing where Melanie is now?” I ask. Killian gives me a quizzical look, so I elaborate. “You’ve been punishing yourself over something that happened over ten years ago. Yes, it’s true, you might not have handled it well, but you didn’t demand she have an abortion. She chose to run. She chose to have an abortion.”

Killian frowns but doesn’t say anything, so I continue, “You both were so young. Maybe it’s time you find her. See how she’s doing. Has she moved on? Is she married with kids? Apologize to her and hear her out as well.”

I walk past Killian to the front door. “You’re a good guy, Kill. Stop punishing yourself. Get closure and then find a sweet girl to love the hell out of.”

With a small smile, I open the door and walk out of his apartment. I barely make it halfway to the elevator when I hear his door open. “Giselle, wait,” he demands.

I stop in my place, but don’t turn around. I know what’s coming.

“Don’t leave, please. You’re right. I should go see her and get closure. I’m sorry for rejecting you. I just…well…I…” He can’t seem to word what he’s trying to say, and it would almost be comical if our situation wasn’t so fucked up. “Can you turn around and talk to me, please?” His voice is closer. His hand lands on my shoulder and he turns me around to face him. “Why did you come over? Did you see your mom today?”

“She wouldn’t let me see her, but I know what you did,” I tell him. “I came over here to seduce you. To get you to break your rules.”

He cocks his head to the side. For a guy who has had his guard up for so long, you’d think he would be able to spot a manipulative woman from a mile away.

“You paid for my mom’s medical expenses,” I hiss. “So I came over here to pay you back.”

His eyes widen in understanding. “You thought I would let you whore yourself out because I helped your mom?”

“Why not?” I throw my arms up in the air. “You gave my family thousands of dollars. It’s not like I can afford to pay you back. But I am a whore, so I can at least offer you my services.”

Killian flinches. “I told your mom I don’t want you guys to pay me back. I did it so she would get better. I did it so you could quit escorting. It’s the reason you keep pushing me away.”

When I don’t say anything, he adds, “You’re going to quit, right?”

“No, I’m not going to quit!” I yell in frustration. I know it’s not logical, but fuck! He took my options away. He can say I don’t owe him, but I do. My mom does. He shouldn’t have done what he did no matter how good his intentions were.

“Giselle,” he says my name slowly, “please don’t do this. I’m sorry for not talking to you first, but you wouldn’t have agreed.”

“Damn right, I wouldn’t have. I don’t want or need your help!” I turn on my heel, but Killian’s next words stop me in my place.

“If you walk away I’m going to tell Olivia. I’m not going to let you continue to sell your body when you have people in your life who are willing to help you. Stop being stubborn and accept our help…please.”

I press the button to the elevator, which thankfully opens right away. When I get inside, he’s still standing in the hallway, barefoot and in only a towel. His eyes are pleading, but I ignore them, glaring at him in a way that I hope conveys he better not say a word to my best friend.