Fool Me Once

While we eat, Keegan listens to Zane tell him all about his books that he can read now by himself. He listens intently and asks questions to keep Zane talking. I eat quietly, soaking in this first moment between Zane and his father. A moment I didn’t think would ever come.

When we’re done, Zane shows Keegan his room, and they spend a few hours playing with his toys and watching SpongeBob while I get some studying in.

When it’s time for Zane to go to bed, Keegan helps tuck him in, and Zane insists Keegan reads him his bedtime story, which of course turns into five stories since Keegan can’t say no, and I don’t have the heart to cut them off. During the fifth story, though, Zane finally falls asleep. I listen as Keegan keeps reading to the end anyway. Then he leans over and kisses him on his forehead, telling him he loves him, and I swear, my heart just imploded in my chest.

I tiptoe back to the couch so he won’t know I was watching and listening. When he walks out, he implies hanging out, and I want so badly to ask him to stay. To hang out with him and get to know him. But I tell myself it can’t happen. The last time I was with Keegan, all it took was a look and some smooth words and the guy had me under his spell. I have goals and dreams. I have a son who needs his mom to take care of him. I need to give Sierra a damn break. It would be selfish of me to find time to date while she’s working her ass off to support us.

So, instead, I thank him for dinner and the book, and tell him we’ll make plans for him to see Zane again soon before showing him out.

I’m finishing up my reading for tomorrow when Sierra comes through the door and plops onto the couch next to me. “How’d it go?”

“You’re home early.”

“Nope, you’re studying late,” she points out. I glance at the clock and see it’s already two in the morning. Shit, I’m going to be hating life tomorrow.

“It went well. Zane heard Keegan’s name and told him he’s his dad.” I laugh, falling back against the couch and laying my head next to my sister’s.

“He’s my nephew,” Sierra points out. “So, he’s smart and observant like me.” She giggles.

“Yeah, yeah. You should’ve seen Keegan when he called him dad. He started to cry.”

Sierra’s gaze bores into my cheek. “Are you and Keegan going to…”

“No.” I shake my head. “You know I don’t date.”

“Yeah, because you were hoping Keegan would come back.” She sits up and faces me. “Now he’s back.”

“I don’t date because I’m focusing on school.”

“Bullshit. You’re a straight-A student and mom of the damn year. Hell, you took extra classes to get caught up. You’re going to graduate in three years. Give me a break.”

“Yeah, because you’ve worked your ass off to make sure I could do that,” I point out.

“Oh no.” She straightens her back, telling me she’s about to go into fight mode. “Don’t you dare blame your lack of dating on me. You don’t see me acting like a nun.”

“And you deserve to date—to have a life.”

“And so do you,” she says. “If you’re not dating because you feel bad I pay the bills, I’m telling you right now that excuse isn’t going to fly. You’ve never mentioned that, and if you had, I would’ve told you to stop your shit. We’re a team.” Sierra takes my hands in hers. “You getting pregnant saved me, B. I was on a bad path, and we both know it. I was drinking and doing drugs. Sleeping around. I had no future, no goals. Zane changed all that. I love our home. I love my job. And I love my life. It’s time you start living yours.

“You’re going to graduate in May and get accepted into a graduate program. And soon enough you’ll have a job as a guidance counselor just like you want. But, B, there’s more to life than that. Since our grandmother died, you became the adult. You have all these goals, and those are great, but you deserve to have some fun and fall in love.”

“I don’t see you falling in love.”

“And that’s not because I’m not trying,” she says with a frown. “I’m not purposely pushing love away. I go on dates. I’ve had my fair share of relationships. They just haven’t worked out. But if I found the right guy, I wouldn’t push him away.” She lifts a brow at me. “Has Keegan said anything?”

I can’t lie to my sister. “He might’ve mentioned wanting to get to know me…”

“I knew it!” She claps her hands together. “You’ve been dreaming about this for the last four years, B! Do not push that man away. I gave up a date with his sexy-as-sin brother for you.”