Fool Me Once

When he still doesn’t say anything, nerves overtake me, and I start rambling. “If you don’t want to, I understand. I know it’s probably too soon. I just wanted to throw it out there. I know my place isn’t big, and Sierra lives there too. But… I don’t know. I just thought it would be nice for the three of us to live under one roof.”

Keegan’s brows are pinched together in what looks like pain, and I know without him even saying a word, he’s going to turn my idea down. “Jailbird.” He exhales. “I—” He opens his mouth then closes it. It’s as if he’s warring with himself, but I don’t understand why. Is it because of Kolton? Does he not want to leave his brother to live on his own? I know they’re close, but surely they aren’t planning to live together forever. Which can only mean he doesn’t want to live with me and is trying to figure out how to let me down nicely.

“What?” I ask, needing to hear the words one way or another. My heart is slowly cracking. I shouldn’t have put myself out there. “Tell me, please.”

“I want to live with you,” he begins, but I can tell a ‘but’ is coming. “I just…” He shakes his head and curses under his breath. I’m so confused right now. He’s frustrated and mad, and I don’t understand why. But then several reasons come to mind that have me freaking out. Maybe he is in a relationship with someone else. Maybe he lied at the time because he was in shock and now he’s backed himself into a corner he needs to get out of. Oh God, what if he already lives with someone? He said he lives with Kolton, but I’ve never been over there. He always comes over to my place because he said his place is small and doesn’t have any of Zane’s things. He’s never even asked to take Zane for the night.

“You just what?” I prompt, needing him to either shoot down my thoughts or put me out of my misery.

“I want to live with you,” he repeats. His hands cradle my face lovingly while his words break my heart. “But I can’t. Not yet.”

“What does that mean?”

He sighs and swallows thickly, his Adam’s apple pushing out slightly. “I need time. It’s not that I don’t want to live with you, I do. I swear to you that I do. I just… I need you to trust me, please.” His eyes and words plead with me, but he’s said nothing to tamper down the scenarios whirling around in my head.

“I think we should go home,” I tell him, not wanting to be this close to him anymore. My heart hurts, and if I’m honest, I’m also embarrassed at his rejection.

“No, please. I’m not saying no. Just not yet.” His eyes implore into mine, begging me to understand.

“I understand,” I tell him, even though I don’t. “But I want to get home to Zane, if that’s okay.”

His eyes flicker back and forth between mine, and I can tell he wants to argue, but whatever he sees in my eyes stops him, and he nods. “Okay.”

Without eating any of the food we ordered, we head inside and get dressed. I don’t bother showering, just wanting to pack and get out of here.

The drive home is silent. It’s completely different from how things were between us before I was stupid and asked Keegan to move in with me. When we pull up, he asks if he can come in so he can see Zane and, even though the last thing I want is to be around Keegan right now, I agree. I told myself I would never stop him from seeing his son, and I meant it.

He carries my bag upstairs, and when we enter the apartment, Zane comes running out and straight into his daddy’s arms. My heart, for the second time today, breaks. I can’t quench my jealousy. At one time, it would’ve been my arms he ran right into. I push down the negative thoughts, glad that Zane now has a father. He deserves this. He deserves the world.

“You’re back early?” Sierra asks, walking out of Zane’s room with Kolton trailing behind. Interesting…

“I didn’t spend the night,” Kolton says, wrapping his arm around Sierra. “Just brought breakfast over. I hope that’s okay.”

“This is just as much Sierra’s home as it is mine,” I tell him. “Of course you’re welcome here.”

There’s a knock at the door and, since Keegan is the closest, he opens it. “Yeah?” he asks, his voice sounding cold and angry.

“I’m here for Zane,” I hear the voice say on the other side of the door. It’s Brenton.

Keegan’s entire body goes rigid. “For what?”

Not wanting them to get into it right here in my front entranceway, especially with Zane here, I lightly push Keegan out of the way and open the door farther.