Fool Me Once

“I wanna watch SpongeBob,” Zane says, sitting on the couch next to me.

“Please,” I prompt, already clicking on the remote to select one of the shows I have recorded.

“Pleeeeaaaasssseeeee,” Zane says. He smiles at me and his dimples pop out, reminding me of Keegan.

There’s a knock on the door, and my stomach flip-flops. It can’t be Sierra because she’d just come in. That leaves Brenton or Keegan. Neither one is welcome here at the moment.

I check the peep-hole and see it’s a woman. Larissa. Keegan’s mom. I take a deep breath and open the door. She smiles warmly, but it’s not as bright as her smiles usually are. This one is more reserved.

“May I come in?”

I want to tell her no. Accuse her of being part of the lies that made me look like a fool. I want to ask why she led me to believe I was family, only to hide important information from me. What if Keegan had been killed while on duty? I never would’ve even known he was a police officer.

And it hits me in this moment, that’s why I’m so upset. He could’ve been hurt—killed even. And I never would’ve known. I thought he was a college student, only to learn he’s a narcotics officer. His job revolves around catching drug dealers. Sure, I’m mad, but more than that, I’m scared. Because if I forgive Keegan, that will mean my boyfriend, possibly my one-day husband—forever the father of my son—has a job where he risks his life every single day. And instead of being honest with me about what he does, he lied. Just like my father lied… and then died.

“Blakely,” Larissa says softly, snapping me out of my thoughts. Glancing around, I realize I’ve been standing at the door, with her still standing outside, having an epiphany of sorts.

“Yes, sorry, please come in.” I open the door wider and she steps inside.

“Grammy!” Zane squeals, running over to her. He wraps his arms around her legs and she picks him up.

“Hey, sweetheart.”

“You wanna watch SpongeBob with me?”

“Aww, I would love to, but I need to talk to your mom.”

“O-kay,” he says. She sets him on the floor and he runs back to the couch.

“We can talk at the table.” I can’t leave the area because of Zane, but as long as we keep our voices down, he shouldn’t hear. “Would you like something to drink? Coffee? Tea?”

“No, I’m okay.”

We sit at the table, and I wait for her to speak. She’s the one who came over after all.

“I need to apologize to you,” she says. “I’m sorry for hurting you. Keegan told me everything that transpired, and one of the things he mentioned was how hurt you were by our entire family.” Her hand comes out and lands over the top of mine. “I love you, Blakely, and the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. I hope you can one day forgive me for my part in all of this. You and Zane and Sierra are part of our family, no matter what.”

Her apology is so simple yet sincere. I try to think back to my childhood. Every time my parents would miss a recital or show. When they would be out of town and miss a birthday because my father would drag my mother away on a business trip. Not a single time did they even bother to apologize. Dad would make excuses, and Mom would always come home with gifts to make up for it, but neither of them ever looked us in the eyes and apologized. And I realize now it’s because they were cowards. It takes a strong person to be able to face someone they hurt and apologize.

“Thank you. That means a lot to me,” I tell her honestly.

She smiles and nods. I expect her to then defend Keegan and her family’s decision to lie and deceive me, so I’m a bit surprised when instead, she says, “I know it’s going to take some time to get through you feeling betrayed, so I won’t push, but I want you to know you’re welcome at my home anytime.”

She must notice the confused look on my face because she says, “Did I say something wrong? If you aren’t comfortable coming over, I will understand. I just—”

“No, it’s not that.” I shake my head. “I guess I expected you to follow up your apology by defending everyone’s choice to lie to me and keep the truth from me.”

Dad lied and deceived everyone until his dying breath with zero apologies, and my mom, until the day Dad took her life with his own, allowed him to do so.

The corners of her lips turn down. “I can’t speak for my family, but I can speak for myself, so that’s what I’ll do. Keegan and his father are police officers. It’s their job to serve and protect. When you came into our lives, he was in the middle of a job that was very important to him. He never imagined his personal and professional life would collide like it did. But they did. When he came to me, all I was told was that nobody could know he and his father were police officers. I’ve been married to my husband for over thirty years, and the entire time he’s been in law enforcement. I’ve learned over the years not to ask questions. It’s not that he doesn’t want to tell me; he’s not allowed.