Through His Eyes

* * *

I wake up in my own bed with Lachlan’s arms wrapped around me, and for a brief moment, before I have time to think about everything that is wrong, I feel complete again. Whole. Put together. His head dips down, and he presses a kiss to my forehead. An involuntary whimper escapes my lips, and the tears spill over the sides of my eyes.

“No, no, no, shh,” he coos. “Don’t cry, baby,” he soothes.

“How is it I push you away, give you back your ring, and end things with you in the worst way, the cowardly way, and yet you’re right here once again putting me back together?”

“Because I love you,” he says simply. His words, for some reason, anger me, and I jump out of bed, needing space.

“You shouldn’t be here,” I tell him, standing at the end of my bed. I might be seeing a therapist now, but I’m far from fixed, and nothing between Lachlan and I has changed.

“There’s nowhere else I should be,” he says, his pierced brow rising in defiance. I take him in for a second, sitting on my bed, in his standard white T-shirt and jeans. He’s sporting his sexy grey beany I love, and his shoes are off, his sock-covered feet stretched out. His arms are now crossed over his chest.

“We broke up,” I tell him, fully aware I’m choosing to focus on us instead of dealing with the much bigger issue of my ex-mother-in-law.

“We’re not breaking up,” he says matter-of-factly. “I don’t know what happened when we were in Ireland, but whatever it is, we’ll deal with it.”

“There’s nothing to deal with,” I snap. “I’m about to turn forty and you’re twenty-fucking-seven. We were being delusional thinking we would ever work.”

“So, we’re back to our age difference again?” he says dryly. “Love knows no age.” He shrugs like he’s already bored of this conversation, and it fuels my fire.

“You’re wrong!” I shout. “Love does know age, and it knows you have your entire life ahead of you. A chance to fall in love and create a family for yourself. And I love you enough to let you go.” At my words, Lachlan stands and stalks over to me.

“You’re not fucking letting me go,” he growls.

“Yes, I am,” I argue. “And what happened earlier is a perfect example of why. You deserve a fresh start. To meet a woman who will give you your own babies and create a loving home with you. You deserve more than a damaged single mom with a vicious ex-mother-in-law and a husband who continues to fuck her over from the grave. You deserve a woman who can give you her entire heart.”

I slump against the front of my dresser, my vision blurry from the grief dripping down my face. “You deserve more than me.” I shake my head. “And I would be selfish to hold onto you simply because you’re everything I’ve ever wished for. You picked up the pieces of my heart, and when you saw it couldn’t be fixed, you gave me parts of your own to make me whole.” I look up at Lachlan. He’s such a beautiful man on the inside and out. “You give me all of you, and I have nothing to give you in return,” I admit defeatedly.

I close my eyes to release the built-up fresh tears, and when I open them, Lachlan is standing directly in front of me. His arms cage me in, and his face is only a hairbreadth away from mine. “You give me everything,” he says, his voice low and serious.

“Shea said you wanted to have your own kids, and she made it seem like that’s why you guys broke up.”

“Shea and I broke up for a myriad of reasons, but, yes, our last fight was because I said I wanted kids, and she said she didn’t want any,” he admits.

“You told me you didn’t want any kids.”

“No.” He shakes his head. “You asked me if I wanted my own, and when I said no, you wouldn’t let me explain.”

I open up my mouth to speak, but Lachlan places two fingers against my lips. “No, now you’re going to listen. I gave you a few days of space like you asked, but I’m done. Family isn’t blood. Family is heart, and you and Kinsley own mine. When I said I wanted a family to Shea, because neither of us had kids, yes, it meant having our own, but it’s different with us. You have Kinsley, and even though she isn’t my blood, she’s still mine. Many couples can’t conceive. They foster or adopt, and if they can’t do that, they get a goddamned dog. With Shea, I couldn’t imagine having a family with her, but with you, I can see it all. Even if it were only you and me, we would still be a family.”