Surrendering Series Box Set

“Maybe I should just stick to bathing suits or something.” Yeah, because that market wasn’t crowded at all. She was really good at regular lingerie, so this shouldn’t be that much more of a challenge, but she seemed to be stalled creatively. My theory was that she needed to take a break. Let herself breathe. Find some new inspiration or something like that. I wasn’t much of a creative person, but that seemed right.

I decided to mention it to her when we got back tonight.

I was excited to see April and the girls today. It would be quite a transition going from the quiet of the cabin to the chaos of three kids under the age of five. Gracie was going to be five soon and she’d be starting kindergarten in the fall. April had been teaching Gracie her letters and numbers so she’d be ahead of the curve, and I had the feeling the Ivy League was in all the girls’ futures.

We arrived at Tate and April’s just as they were having lunch, so we joined them in peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and carrot sticks.

“I’m sorry I don’t have adult food,” April said, looking a little less worn out than she had last week.

“Food is food,” I said. “I’m a fan of food, whatever form it comes in.” Lucah agreed and we munched on our carrot sticks. After lunch, I joined April in the nursery as she rocked Lola while Lucah and Tate took the older girls again and picked up the house.

“Is it better this week?” I asked and she smiled.

“Yes. Lola has been sleeping better, which means I sleep better which is better for everyone. I don’t like being grouchy, but it’s kind of unavoidable when you don’t get any sleep. Tate’s been so good to me. I can bitch and moan at him, but he never gets upset.” He was a good man. Just like his brothers. Ryder had been questionable there for a while, but he’d proved himself to be good under it all.

“I can’t wait for this fall,” she said. “I know the girls are in daycare during the week, but school is going to be different. And then once both the older ones are in school, it’s going to be wonderful.” I knew that Lola wasn’t planned, and I thought it might be rude to ask her if she was planning to have more kids.

“Have you and Lucah talked any about when you want kids? I’m not pressuring you at all, I’m just wondering. It’s something you definitely need to discuss before walking down the aisle. I was glad Tate and I did.” She snorted and laid Lola down in her crib and sat in the rocker. I took the big squishy chair.

“I had this long list of questions for him. I used to be more intense before I had children. You should have seen my apartment. It was organized down to every last nook and corner. Now I couldn’t care less. As long as my children are alive and fed at the end of the day, that’s what matters.” I wondered if things would change for me when…

April was talking, so I yanked myself out of my head and turned my attention back to her.

“I never thought this would be my life. Oh well, can’t change it now, even if I wanted to.” She pulled her feet up on the rocking chair and rested her head on her knees.

“You wouldn’t?” I asked.

“Nope. Sure, things aren’t the way they thought they would be, but I’m happy. A lot happier than I thought I would be.” She glanced at the crib and smiled.

“To borrow a cliché, life is what happens when you’re making other plans,” she said. I’d heard that one before and it had always annoyed me.

“Sure,” I said. She changed the subject and asked me about the cabin.

“You should come up with the girls. There’s enough room for everyone. Three bedrooms upstairs and there’s a pullout couch and several cots downstairs.” My parents, at various times, had had more than ten people at the cabin. Mom loved being a hostess, even in the woods. She and Dad would get up early and make huge breakfasts and we’d all sit on the porch and stuff ourselves before stumbling down to the lake.

“Are you sure?” she said.

“Of course. My parents bought the cabin so people would use it. They haven’t been going up much the past few years, and it would make them really happy that someone was getting use out of it.”

“That’s something to think about. Definitely when it gets warmer. The girls would probably die.” She laughed.

“We could take them out on the boat and they could swim and roast marshmallows and they’ll be so tired by the end of the day they’ll crash and then we can have grownup time,” I said. Grownup time drove me crazy when I was a kid. I’d sneak downstairs and eavesdrop as the grownups sat by the fire and drank wine, or on the porch with coffee. Usually, I’d get caught and Dad would take me back up to bed. When I was finally allowed to stay up (I didn’t get to drink wine until I was of age), I knew I was finally a woman. Most of the time I fell asleep in my chair and Dad carried me upstairs anyway.

“That would be really nice. I always think I’m a terrible mom because I don’t take them to all these activities.” She groaned and rubbed her face. “Ugh. It’s just so hard sometimes. Being a mom has become a competitive sport and I always feel like I’m failing at it.” That was insane. She was an awesome mom. Able to fend off a tantrum and make a lunch in a single bound.

I wanted to give her a hug, so I did. She hugged me back.

“You’re such a good friend. I know you’re going to be my sister-in-law, but you’re also such a good friend, Rory. It means so much to have someone who listens to me whine about my problems. Do you have any problems you need to whine about? I’d love to think about someone else’s issues for a few minutes.” Now it was my turn to chuckle.

“No. Just stressing about the wedding and hoping everything comes off okay and that Lucah doesn’t take me somewhere crazy for our honeymoon.” That wasn’t the biggest concern, but it was still on the list of things I was worried about.

“Something is always going to go wrong, but I’ll tell you what, you’re not going to care. You’re going to be so caught up in the moment, it won’t matter.” I hoped that was true.

“We’ll see,” I said.

The two of us sat in the room with Lola for a while. It was a different kind of calm than the cabin, but it was also comfortable. I looked over to say something to April and saw that she’d fallen asleep. Lola started making noises like she was waking up. She’d just eaten, so I didn’t think she was hungry. Just wanted to be held, so I picked her up and quieted her so she wouldn’t wake April.

I rested her tiny body on my shoulder and she made a face before deciding I was an acceptable replacement for her real mother and stopped being grumpy. I walked her around like I’d seen Lucah do and started humming without even realizing I was doing it. Downstairs it was quiet and I hoped Lucah and Tate had taken the girls outside. Thinking it would be nice to let April get a few minutes rest, I took Lola downstairs with me and sat on the couch with her. I had to be honest, the first time I’d held her, I’d been terrified. It was getting easier, but she still seemed so fragile and that if I moved even a little bit, she’d break into a million pieces. My arm was in a funny position, so I adjusted her slowly so she was more on my chest. She really was so sweet.