Always Loved You

After all of these years, those feelings I felt toward him still burn inside of me, so I owe it to myself to try to work on this marriage. Yet I find that those thoughts leave me feeling way more vulnerable than I like. It takes two to make a relationship work. Even though he seems to be opening up more, can I trust his motives? He does want a child; that might be the reason for the sudden change.

I knew last night when he carried me to bed that things were beginning to change. When I woke up this morning, I swear I could smell him on my sheets but he wasn’t in bed with me. He was, however, at breakfast. He sat in the kitchen drinking his coffee while I ate my normal Fruity Pebbles, which he teases me about. I’d talked him into having a bowl and he ended up having two.

This might make what I’m going to do next easier. I know how he can be about our dinners together, but I need him to make an exception tonight. I pick up my phone, sit up in bed and send him a text.

Me: I can’t do dinner tonight. I have plans.

Heath: What are you doing?

He answers me within seconds.

Me: You don’t tell me what you’re doing all the time.

I fire back. Why do all of my movements have to be tracked but not his? It’s not as if one of his many guards wasn’t going to follow me. He will know my every move. He always does.

Heath: I have no problem telling you what I’m doing.

Not only is his response as quick as the last, but then he shares his location with me on his phone. I find my lips twitching because he’s making an effort. It’s the small things that make me happy.

Me: It’s Abigail’s birthday. She invited me over for dinner.

Abigail loves to cook and I love to eat anything she makes.

Heath: What time do you need to be there?

Me: 7

Heath: I’ll be ready to leave at 6:30

Me: You’re coming with me?

Heath: Yes

I stare at the phone wondering if that’s such a good idea. I’m going to have to tell Heath they know about us. I don’t keep anything from Abigail. She is my best friend. I send her a text letting her know I won’t be coming alone. I know without a doubt she’ll be excited about this. She is still holding on strong that Heath and I are meant to be.

This might not be the worst idea, though. Seeing Abigail and her husband together always reminds me of what I don’t have. Their love is the kind of thing people long to have. Watching them sometimes makes my heart ache. Heath could see what he is missing. That our marriage will never work if we don’t make changes. Seeing them together will show him that you can have this kind of love if you find your soulmate. Abigail’s husband would do anything for her. That man loves her unlike anything I’ve ever seen.

Then he might leave you, my mind whispers. I suck in a breath, the thought catching me off guard. Wouldn’t that be a good thing? If he moved on to find someone he really loved to have the children he wants so badly and I’d do the same. None of that settles well inside me.

At the moment, that is neither here nor there. I stand, going to my closet to find something to wear. I grab a pair of wide leg white pants and a knitted soft pink sweater. I grab my favorite gold flats. I pick a white bra to go under my sweater to match my pants, knowing part of it will show through the sweater. Not much though. I take it all to the bathroom to get ready, brushing my hair down and putting on a little makeup.

I slip some gloss onto my lips and stare at them in the mirror. He hasn’t kissed me again. The kiss that I can’t stop thinking about. It started with me thinking about the kiss and then my mind would wander to what would have happened if I hadn’t made a run for it. This time I’d stay and let him have his way with me.

My thighs clench together. My eyes fall closed. How long would he have kept me in the room? How many times would he have to take me until he got me pregnant? He would’ve had his way with me over and over again, his body on top of mine as he thrust in and out of me, spilling himself inside until there was nothing left. He wouldn’t be able to stop himself. I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from coming right along with him.

A knock sounds on my bathroom door, scaring the crap out of me. I drop my gloss into the sink and jerk around to see Heath standing in my doorway.