Always Loved You

“He left?”

“I’m assuming to go to his office. Do you want me to call him for you?” I shake my head no. The sting of tears comes right back, but I fight it.

“I don’t need him,” I say before turning to leave to head back to my bed. With each step I grow more angry. Of course he went to work. That’s all that really matters to him. Work and his image in the business world. It’s the main reason he wants a family to begin with.

It stings. I’d gone through the same thing with my father. Thinking I could make him love me. That he would see me as something other than one of his belongings or an asset to further his own life. Here I am trying to do the same thing with Heath. I want out. If he won’t give me a divorce then I’ll take things into my own hands.

I grab a small bag out of my closet and start filling it with a few outfits. My mind replays last night on a loop. We’re making a baby now are the words of his that stick out the most. That’s what it had all been about. I’d let myself believe this could be something more. I should have known better. I’ve known Heath for years. He’s always cold and calculated. He never stops until he gets what he wants. I did the one thing I told myself I wouldn’t. I let myself fall for him.

I drop my robe, getting dressed quickly in jeans and a hoodie. I grab my hat and put it into my bag. I am going to have to lose my security. It will be hard, but I know I can do it. I’ve played it out in my mind many times before, knowing that I could pull it off if I ever wanted to. I snag my sneakers off the floor, walking over to the bed to put them on. My hand catches the night stand, making me drop them out of my hand. I lean down to grab them when I see a small piece of metal that seems to have fallen off of them.

“No.” I gasp, inspecting it. I toss the sneakers down, going back into my closet to find flip flops. I was joking when I’d said he probably had trackers in my shoes. How wrong I was. I inspect them closely. I cannot believe he has a tracker in my sneakers. The flip flops look safe so I slip them on before tossing my phone onto my unmade bed. I’m thankful I don’t have work for a few days. It’s childish, I know, but Heath can lose his mind for the next few days wondering where I am. If he can slip out of here whenever he wants, I can do the same.

I open my nightstand, pulling out the box that holds my beautiful ring. I stare at it for a moment. This time I can’t stop the tears from coming. I let myself shed a couple before I wipe them away. I pull my band off, opening the box and putting it inside it before I put the box on the bed next to my phone.

My eyes catch something red on the sheets. I pull it back, seeing the stains of my virginity. I remember Heath getting up and bringing a warm towel back to bed to wipe between my legs. He’d been so gentle and sweet. At that moment I’d thought maybe he did love me. Now I think it only goes back to him taking care of me. It wasn’t out of love but the obligation of what he thought was right. I toss the sheet back, not wanting to look at it before I grab my bag, heading out of my bedroom.

I make it to the front door. I hear the new security guy whose name I don’t know yet call my name. I keep on moving out the door. I jog down the street with no clue if he’s following. I’m sure he is, but I turn onto the busy street, blending in with the crowd as I pull the hat down over my head. Heath might think he got himself a marriage of convenience, but I’m going to give him the biggest inconvenience of his life.

19

Heath

The only thing that would get my ass out of the warm bed with Orchard was a threat to her grocery store. Word had gotten around that I was interested in buying the chain and competitors were gearing up for a takeover. I should let them have it because it’s going to be nothing but a headache for Orchard given its small margins, but maybe she can use her business schooling to figure out a new path forward. Besides, all that matters is that she wants it and that’s enough for me even if it does nothing but lose money for the rest of our lives.