Dust of Dreams (The Malazan Book of the Fallen 9)
‘Isn’t what obvious?’ Janath asked.
‘Huh? Oh, they’re not going to the Wastelands, my Queen, they’re going to Kolanse. They’re just passing through the Wastelands since they no longer have the transports to get to Kolanse by sea. Nor have we the ships to accommodate them, alas.’
‘What do they seek in Kolanse?’ Brys asked.
Tehol shrugged. ‘How should I know? Do you think, maybe, we should ask them?’
‘I would wager,’ said Bugg, ‘they’ll rightly tell us it’s none of our business.’
‘Is it?’
‘Sire, your question encourages me to dissemble, and I’d rather not do that.’
‘Entirely understandable, Bugg. Let’s leave it there, then. Are you unwell, Ublala Pung?’
The giant was frowning down at his feet. ‘Did I piddle myself?’
‘No, that’s beer.’
‘Oh. That’s good, then. But…’
‘Yes, Ublala?’
‘Where are my boots?’
Janath reached out and stayed her husband’s hand as he was lifting his goblet to drink. ‘Not again, husband. Ublala, you informed us earlier that you fed your boots to the other guards in your billet.’
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‘Isn’t what obvious?’ Janath asked.
‘Huh? Oh, they’re not going to the Wastelands, my Queen, they’re going to Kolanse. They’re just passing through the Wastelands since they no longer have the transports to get to Kolanse by sea. Nor have we the ships to accommodate them, alas.’
‘What do they seek in Kolanse?’ Brys asked.
Tehol shrugged. ‘How should I know? Do you think, maybe, we should ask them?’
‘I would wager,’ said Bugg, ‘they’ll rightly tell us it’s none of our business.’
‘Is it?’
‘Sire, your question encourages me to dissemble, and I’d rather not do that.’
‘Entirely understandable, Bugg. Let’s leave it there, then. Are you unwell, Ublala Pung?’
The giant was frowning down at his feet. ‘Did I piddle myself?’
‘No, that’s beer.’
‘Oh. That’s good, then. But…’
‘Yes, Ublala?’
‘Where are my boots?’
Janath reached out and stayed her husband’s hand as he was lifting his goblet to drink. ‘Not again, husband. Ublala, you informed us earlier that you fed your boots to the other guards in your billet.’
‘Oh.’ Ublala belched, wiped foam from his nose, and then smiled again. ‘I remember now.’
Tehol blessed his wife with a grateful look and then said, ‘That reminds me, did we send healers to the palace barracks?’
‘Yes, sire.’
‘Well done, Bugg. Now then, since I hear the Malazan entourage on its way in the hallway beyond: Brys, how big do you want to make your escort?’
‘Two brigades and two battalions, sire.’
‘Is that reasonable?’ Tehol asked, looking round.
‘I have no idea,’ Janath replied. ‘Bugg?’
‘I’m no general, my Queen.’
‘We need an expert opinion, then,’ said Tehol. ‘Brys?’
Nothing good was going to come of this, Bottle knew, but he also recognized the necessity and so walked uncomplaining in Ebron’s company as they cut across the round with its heaving, shouting throng locked in a frenzy of buying and selling and consuming-like seabirds flocking to a single rock day after day, reliving the same rituals that built up a life in layers of… well, don’t hedge now… of guano. Of course, one man’s shit was another man’s… whatever.
There was a hidden privilege in being a soldier, he decided. He had been pushed outside normal life, protected from the rigours of meeting most basic needs-food, drink, clothes, shelter: all of these were provided to him in some form or other. And family-don’t forget that. All in exchange for the task of delivering terrible violence; only every now and then to be sure, for such things could not be sustained over long periods of time without crushing the capacity for feeling, without devouring a mortal’s humanity.
In that context, Bottle reconsidered-with a dull spasm of anguish deep inside-maybe the exchange wasn’t that reasonable after all. Less a privilege than a burden, a curse. Seeing the faces in this crowd flashing past, a spinning, whirling cascade of masks-each a faintly stunning alternative to his own-he felt himself not simply pushed outside, but estranged. Leaving him bemused, even perturbed, as he witnessed their seemingly mindless, pointless activities, only to find himself envious of these shallow, undramatic lives-wherein the only need was satiation. Possessions, stuffed bellies, expanding heaps of coin.
What do any of you know about life? he wanted to ask. Try stumbling through a burning city. Try cradling a dying friend with blood like tattered shrouds on all sides. Try glancing to an animated face beside you, only to glance a second time and find it empty, lifeless.
A soldier knew what was real and what was ephemeral. A soldier understood how thin, how fragile, was the fabric of life.
Could one feel envy when looking upon the protected, ignorant lives of others-those people whose cloistered faith saw strength in weakness, who found hope in the false assurance of routine? Yes, because once you become aware of that fragility, there is no going back. You lose a thousand masks and are left with but one, with its faint lines of contempt, its downturned mouth only a comment away from a sneer, its promise of cold indifference.
Gods, we’re just going for a walk here. I don’t need to be thinking any of this.
Ebron tugged at his arm and they edged into a narrow, high-walled alley. Twenty paces down, the well-swept corridor broadened out into a secluded open-air tavern shaded by four centuries-old fig trees, one at each corner.