Below Deck

The only assholish thing I’m in danger of doing right now is falling for a woman who makes me laugh, forgives me for being a jerk instead of holding a grudge, and makes me want to do what the captain said and get a life outside yachting.

CHAPTER 18

Mackenzie

Breakfast on the beach was beautiful. The crew came over and set everything up in the early hours of the morning while we were still asleep. Under a canopy, they set up a long table covered in linens with vases of tropical flowers lined down the center. Marcel outdid himself with all the food, making every type of breakfast dish imaginable so everyone would be happy. Most shockingly of all was that Allyson and Arianna couldn’t find one thing to complain about as we all quietly ate our breakfast under the shade of the canopy, looking out at the crystal clear water, making small talk about the weather that had finally cleared up and what our plans were for the day.

I was surprised to see Declan and Ben had joined the crew during our beach picnic, figuring once they helped the stews bring the food over from the boat, they’d go back to the ship and do whatever work needed to be done back there. Instead, both men quietly helped the women set the table, refill our coffees and orange juices, and stood off to the side talking to themselves to give us privacy while we ate. We’d shared a few smiles during that time, and I couldn’t help glancing over at Declan every few minutes as the crew packed up the picnic baskets and coolers and started taking everything back to the boat. I loved watching the way the muscles in his arms tightened as he lifted the handle of the cooler and pulled it through the sand, and how good he looked in a pair of aviator sunglasses, and the dimples in his cheeks when he laughed at something Ben said as the two of them walked side-by-side down the beach and away from us.

I was overwhelmed with a feeling of longing for him, wishing I hadn’t made plans with Brooke to tour the island, wanting nothing more than to follow him back to the boat. I don’t care if he had to work all day, I just wanted to spend more time with him, even if that meant following him around, watching him do his job.

It’s pathetic how attached I’ve become after only a few days.

“How are you doing, sweetie?” my dad asks, pulling my gaze away from Declan as he disappears down the dock off in the distance and back to the ship.

I watch my father get up from his seat at the other end of the table and move to the empty one next to me, realizing we’re alone. Looking down the beach in the opposite direction of the dock, I see Allyson and Arianna walking together at the water’s edge, and Brooke is a few feet away from them, squatting down and collecting shells in her hand. I was so busy daydreaming about Declan I hadn’t even noticed everyone walked away from the table and left my dad and me alone.

“I’m good, dad,” I answer him with a smile as turns to face me in his chair.

“You look happy. Relaxed,” he answers with his own smile as he reaches over and pats the top of my leg. “You’ve been looking a little tired and stressed for a while. I was starting to worry about you.”

I don’t tell him that it’s about time he noticed, not wanting to ruin this rare, small moment of alone time between us.

“I know I’ve been a little distracted lately and I’m sorry about that, Mackenzie. Things are going to change, I promise.”

He gives my leg another small pat before swiveling in his chair to stare out at the ocean in front of us. The silence stretches between us as I stare at his profile. The fine line of wrinkles around his eyes and mouth are deeper. His face suddenly looks older than his years, and I couldn’t mistake how completely exhausted his voice was when he spoke. It makes me sad, and it makes me wonder if I’m doing the right thing by waiting until we’re back home to tell him what I know. It’s going to kill him either way, and all I’m doing by holding off is delaying the inevitable. I feel like the worst daughter in the world right now as I stare at the man who raised me and never made me feel like I was lacking a parent. He did the work of both mom and dad and he did it seamlessly and perfectly over the years, until he met Allyson.

I told myself I would wait until our vacation was over because I wanted him to enjoy these last few moments of happiness, but I know that was a lie. I did it for selfish reasons. Because I wanted to enjoy myself and enjoy the time I had left with Declan without worrying about the future.

“Dad—”

I say his name softly, my voice cracking with emotion as he turns and gives me a sad smile. I’m ready to blurt it all out, confess what I know and ease my guilty conscience. I’ve been keeping the truth to myself instead of sharing it with him as soon as I found out, but he shakes his head and stops me.

“No more heavy stuff. We’re on vacation and I want you to have fun,” he tells me, the sadness on his face quickly replaced with an easy smile. “I spoke to the captain before we came over here for breakfast and told him I wanted to extend our vacation a few more days. Take our time getting back to St. Thomas. Go have fun today. Be young. Hang out with Brooke and that good-looking deckhand you haven’t been able to stop staring at all morning. I’ll keep your stepmother and stepsister busy.”

My cheeks heat in embarrassment, and I look away from him to stare down into the dregs of my coffee cup. I should have known my father would notice how I couldn’t keep my eyes off Declan. Growing up, it was like he had eyes in the back of his head, always one step ahead of me and always knowing what I was up to before I even did it, but it’s been a while since he noticed anything about me. It makes me happy and sad all at the same time. I should be worried my dad seems to know something bad is coming, and he’s avoiding it by extending our vacation, but I’m too busy being thrilled with the knowledge that I’ll have more time with Declan. More time to be young and have fun, just like my dad suggested. More time to enjoy this tropical oasis and the man who makes my heart skip a beat before our world comes crashing down around us.