Lone Star Holiday Proposal

Nolan heard Raina’s sharp intake of breath and laughed before replying. “Only when absolutely necessary, ma’am.”

Mrs. Baker snorted. “Humph. Cheeky. Just like your father.” She leaned across and whispered in Raina’s ear. “I’d hold on to this one if I was you, young lady. Good men are hard to find.”

Raina was clearly speechless and could do no more than nod. Nolan reached down and gave the old lady a kiss on her wrinkled cheek.

“Merry Christmas, Mrs. Baker. I’ll pass your regards on to my dad.”

“You do that, young man. You do that.”

By the time they left the church and headed home, JJ was still wide-awake and more pumped up than ever. As they arrived at Raina’s place, she turned to Nolan, her blue eyes troubled.

“I’m sorry about that, back at the church.”

“What for? I enjoyed it.”

He held her gaze and watched as the concern faded from her face.

“Hot choclik time!” JJ announced from the backseat.

“Are you coming in for a hot drink?” Raina offered.

“Just try and hold me back.”

Inside, Raina put on the TV and tuned in to a channel showing Santa’s progress from the North Pole. JJ sat and watched the radar blip on the screen as if his life depended on it.

“Straight to bed after your hot chocolate, JJ.”

“Can I stay up and see Santa, Mommy. Please? I be good,” JJ pleaded.

“Hey, champ, Santa’s a bit of a shy guy. He won’t come unless you’re tucked up in bed and fast asleep,” Nolan answered.

“He won’t?” JJ’s eyes grew huge.

Nolan assumed a solemn expression and shook his head. “Why don’t you come up here and sit with me and tell me what you want for Christmas.”

Raina threw Nolan a grateful look. “I’ll be right back.”

Nolan watched her go through to the kitchen, his eyes caught by the gentle sway of her hips as she walked. Her skirt was not so tight as to be indecent, but not so loose as to hide the perfect shape of her either.

“No’an, you listening to me?” JJ’s voice broke through his thoughts.

“Sorry, champ. Yep, I’m listening. What did you ask Santa for?”

“I tol’ Santa I want one thing more’n anything else.”

“And what’s that?”

“It’s secret,” JJ said with a little frown on his forehead. “Can’t tell secrets.”

“What about if you just whisper it to me. Like you did before.”

JJ mulled over Nolan’s suggestion and then got up onto his knees and, leaning against Nolan’s shoulder, said in his ear. “I aks’d for you to be my daddy.”

Nolan’s heart skipped a few beats in his chest. As JJ settled back down beside him he put an arm around the little guy’s shoulders to give him a hug. His eyes stung with emotion and the enormity of what JJ had just said.

A rattle of mugs on a tray made him realize that Raina had returned to the room and that she’d overheard JJ’s wish for Christmas. She was staring at Nolan, her expression a combination of shock and yearning and something else he couldn’t quite put his finger on. He wished he could read her better. Wished he could be sure that she wanted the same thing that JJ wanted.

He chose his next words very carefully.

“That’s a mighty special wish, JJ. Being a daddy is a very precious gift. You know what precious is?”

JJ shook his head.

“It’s something that means everything to you.”

“Like Spider-Man?”

“Even more than that,” Nolan said with a smile. “I hope you get your wish, champ, but it’s a mighty tall order for poor old Santa.”

* * *

Raina set the tray down on the table and passed JJ his small mug of hot chocolate and Nolan his larger one.

“There you go, guys.”

She averted her gaze from the question in Nolan’s eyes. It was too soon, she told herself, even though her heart and soul screamed otherwise. And, yes, while there was nothing physically holding them back, there was an emotional minefield between them that still needed to be successfully negotiated. How could she even think about the future when she wasn’t sure that Nolan had dealt with the past?

She hadn’t been lying earlier this evening when she said she trusted Nolan. He was exactly what Mrs. Baker had said—a good man. But if she was going to commit to him she needed better than good for her and JJ. She wanted all of him—all his scars, all his truths, all his fears as well as his successes. Not just the parts he was willing to share. It had to be everything, or nothing.