A Father's Secret

An hour later, Erin slid her sunglasses on her face as she exited the building. She wished it were as easy to walk away from the glaring fear that held her stomach in a tight knot as it was to walk away from the building. At least she knew that Janet was taking steps to protect her and her son.

While Janet had agreed that her request for more information from the other party’s lawyers was a way of stalling things, she felt it might carry more weight if the request came from her, acting as Erin’s lawyer. She’d also recommended that Erin instigate her own testing to prove James was Riley’s father.

This, of course, engendered its own problems. Janet had called an independent laboratory that would courier a testing kit to Erin overnight. All she apparently needed was a strand of James’s hair, or even an old toothbrush of his, together with a mouth swab from Riley. That would allow the lab to extract enough DNA to prove paternity.

Swabbing Riley’s mouth would be the easy part, but finding something of James’s, that was another story. He’d made it clear when he knew he was dying that he didn’t want her to hang on to his things unnecessarily. Respecting his wishes, after he’d passed she’d donated his clothes to a shelter and distributed specific possessions to his friends as he’d requested. His more personal effects had been boxed up to give to Riley when he was old enough to start asking about his dad. But even if she got them out now, she doubted she’d find anything among his photo albums and awards from which DNA could be extracted.

She thought for a moment of the silver-backed clothes brush that she’d also packed away. A family heirloom that dated back to his great-grandfather, the original Connell of Connell Lodge, she’d carefully wrapped it in acid-free tissue and put it in the box with James’s other things. She couldn’t remember ever seeing James use the brush, but maybe there would be a stray hair still locked within its bristles.

Satisfied she had a starting point, Erin walked toward the café where Sam had said he’d wait for her. She cast a quick look at her watch and groaned inwardly at the time. He had been waiting quite a while. Hopefully he was a patient man, although somehow that particular description wasn’t the first thing that came to mind when she thought of him.

And she did think of him. A lot. Her guest had worked his way into her thoughts with next to no effort on his part. Into her thoughts and into her dreams at night. It was unsettling. She was still so newly a widow. She shouldn’t be having feelings for another man like she was. But as hard as she fought against the attraction, there was a part of her that relished every moment with him. Awake or asleep.

In the dark of night she’d tried to rationalize everything. She’d gone a long time without intimacy, so it was only natural that she’d miss it. Sam was the first man she’d spent any significant time with since James’s death. And even when James was alive, before he got sick, their relationship had not been sensual or physically satisfying for a while.

She and James had begun to grow apart long before they’d won the lottery run by the IVF clinic that gave them the chance to finally have a child. Trying to conceive had turned the focus of their marriage into a constant round of temperature charts and cycles and performance on command.

It was no wonder, really, that two years ago James had sought comfort in another woman’s arms. When, almost a whole year later, Erin had discovered his infidelity, he’d lain the blame firmly at her feet. According to him, she’d destroyed every last moment of spontaneity in their marriage with her obsessive quest to become a mother. Of course he’d sought a simple, uncomplicated affair with someone who only craved his company and made no other demands upon him.

His words had cut deep. Erin had always believed they’d wanted the same things. A marriage that was a true partnership—sharing the day-to-day running of the business as well as their hopes and dreams for the future. Dreams that included creating a stable and loving home and a family, together. It hurt to learn that his plans were so different from hers and that he’d broken his marriage vows so easily, but she had accepted that. She had even accepted that some of the blame had lain with her for focusing all her energies into creating a child with him—that very focus, unbeknownst to her, undermining his sense of power and masculinity. But she could never entirely forgive him for his betrayal of her trust.

James had ended his affair after she’d confronted him, and then, in one of those weird twists of fate, they’d won the IVF lottery. He had said it would help solidify their marriage once the pressure of Erin becoming pregnant was off them both. She’d wanted to believe him, even though the pain of his infidelity had stuck like a splinter in the back of her mind. Of course, they hadn’t counted on the bacterial infection that had attacked James’s heart. He’d gone from a vital and exuberant man to a dependant and demanding shell of his former self. Their marriage had never really stood a chance to rebuild.