Stolen Desire

“Are you referring to me telling you that I wanted a real woman? I’m sorry, baby; I only said that because nothing else I said to you that night seemed to work. I felt guilty because I wanted you even though I knew you were too young. Not just in years but in experience.”

“I bet you have a lot of that.” How could I have forgotten that jealous streak of hers? She’d never liked anyone else around me, not since she was little. We’re alike in that way. I remember her bloodying one of our other cousin’s nose one when they came to pay us a visit. That particular cousin had followed me around all that summer, and I guess it had eventually gotten to baby because one day they’d gotten into it and when Marissa, that’s the cousin, told her that she had as much rights to spend time with me as she did Jamie had hauled off and slugged her. She’d been twelve that year, I think.

“Baby, I’m not gonna lie to you, I’m not a saint, I have been with other women, but there’s one thing I never shared with them.” If I’d been waiting for her to ask me what that thing was, I would’ve become like that meme with the skeletal remains of the person who’d died waiting for something. Stubborn little shit.

“I never once gave my heart to anyone else, that belonged to you the moment you wrapped your little fingers around mine and stared into my eyes when you were less than an hour old. And I never, not once in all these, have I ever taken a woman without a condom between us, you’re the first.” Still nothing, but at least I could feel the tension ease from her body.

I told her about my life in the service, the things I’d done the places I’d been while I waited for her to grow up. She finally broke down and started asking questions, and I was able to breathe again. I know her very well, once I’d chipped away a little piece of the ice she’d wrapped around her heart where I was concerned, I knew it was only a matter of time before I came crashing down.

“Do you forgive me?” I’d pulled her into my arms with her head on my chest as my story unfolded, and now she was no longer fighting me. I wonder if she realized she was caressing me with her fingers, running them up and down my chest and around my nipples, which was very distracting.

“Not yet, I still need time to process everything you just said. I get why you thought you had to say those things, but I still think you could’ve handled it better. I was devastated after you left. I went from thinking that I’d destroyed the closeness we had to hating you for brushing me off so harshly.”

“I spent agonizing days and nights imagining you with someone else, and my heart broke so bad I thought I would die from the pain. I couldn’t wait to get away from there, from all the memories we shared, from around the people we both knew.”

“I felt like everybody knew what had happened, that they must’ve because they walked on eggshells around me for a while. I was mortified and never felt quite the same there anymore. And of course, I never wanted to see you again. Except for the times that I was dying for the sight of you.”

“I’m so sorry; I didn’t realize… I always thought that I’d just come home when you were old enough, but then things heated up around the world, and my unit was called away on one assignment or the other. We’d been so close I just told myself that all it would take is an explanation, and we’d go back to the way things were or better.”

“I never imagined that my words had hurt you so bad that you’d run away from home. The few times I called home, I never asked about you, I couldn’t. If I had, I’d have come back to you too soon. My parents seemed to know without me saying anything to them, and for years they kept any mention of you to a minimum.”

“I knew if something were wrong, they’d have told me, but you know what I dreaded most after I’d been away from you for so long? I dreaded one day calling home to hear news of you getting married or engaged.” Her finger trailed down my chest to where the hair at my groin started.

“What would you have done if that had happened?”

“You have to ask? I already had it planned out. I’d have kidnapped you and hidden you away somewhere until I got you with child.” I grinned at her as her eyes began to droop.