Work Me Up

I think about asking her if she wants to drive. But then I catch the expression on her face as we near the car. A strange mixture of pride and apprehension, of excitement that might or might not be bordering on panic. And I decide that we’ve pushed her hard enough today.

It’s going to take time for her to be completely comfortable around cars again. I understand that. And I’m more than willing to be here for her every step of the way. To encourage her, push her a little when she needs to be pushed, but give her time and space when she needs to recover, and take a breather between those effortful moments.

I open the passenger side door for her on my way past. “After you,” I say, and her expression lightens a little with relief and gratitude, as she slides into the passenger side of the car.

I close the door after her, then circle around to the driver’s side to climb in myself. Overhead, the sky has just begun to change to an orangish glow. Pretty soon it will be full on sunset. Just in time. “You can pick the music,” I say, as we turn out of the garage lot.

Selena actually cheers at that, which makes me burst into laughter.

“What?” She sticks her tongue out at me. “I like choosing.” She flicks through the channels until she lands on a pop station and starts to sing along to the first song playing at the top of her lungs.

I laugh again, harder this time, before I join her for the chorus.

She glances over at me, and in this light, nearly sunset, with the sun reflecting off her face and the wind from the cranked open window blowing through her hair… She takes my breath away.

I steer us along the winding back roads that surround the garage, and then wend my way toward the highway. Toward the mountains. “You know, for a dork, you’re pretty damn gorgeous,” I tell her.

She ignores me, except to swat at my arm, and only starts to sing louder as the song changes and a new one comes on.

Once again, it doesn’t take long before I’m joining in, singing along to a cheesy pop song I never would have guessed I knew this many words to. Guess I’ve heard it playing in the background a lot of places. But there’s something fun about it now, something freeing about just being our goofy selves with one another, as we speed up the highway, with the sun inching toward the ocean to our left.

Finally, once we’ve reached the spot I had planned, up near a set of clifftops that I got to know a lot when I was younger, I pull off the road, and along a dirt road. When we finally come to a stop, the sun is nearly at the horizon now, reflecting itself over again on the shining waves, which look like they’re made of milk, we’re up so high and the sunset lighting is so soft and creamy.

“It’s beautiful,” Selena breathes, as I put the car in park and climb out.

She leaps out of her own side, before I can come around to open the door for her like a proper gentleman should. But she doesn’t seem to care, or even notice. She’s too busy gazing out over the ocean, the clifftop, the little grassy patch beneath a tree that’s one of my favorite spots in the whole state.

From up here, it feels like we can survey the whole world. Like everything below is our kingdom. Close enough to watch, but too far away to actually touch us. We’re in a bubble up here, protected from it all.

At least, that’s how I want her to feel. That’s how I hope she feels every day that she’s with me. Because I never want her to suffer the way she has before, I want to keep her protected from any harm, any hurt that could befall her.

I leave her gazing out across the sky, which has started to turn reddish pink now, the few clouds dotted across it practically shining like pieces of spun gold. Then I step around to the trunk and pop it, dragging out the supplies I packed earlier today, before we even tried her test drive. Back when I didn’t know if this stop tonight would be a triumphant one, or if I’d have to reassure her that it was all right, that we could try to practice her driving again another day.

Now, at least, I know it’s triumphant. So I drag out my final item last, already tightly packed inside a cooler.

Selena only notices me when I approach her, where she’s leaning against the tree trunk watching the view. I lay out a blanket on the grass, and set the cooler beside it, and her eyes brighten, her lips parting.