He was going to leave me.
Again.
Forever.
Chapter Fifty-Five
The fucking bird lied.
I can’t fly.
I didn’t soar to the sky and find freedom and peace.
And where is he now, with his endless taunting and promises?
I haven’t heard a peep out of him since I took a nosedive off the roof.
Freedom my ass, douchebird. You fucked me up even worse.
Look what you’ve done to me.
Look what you’ve done to us.
Chapter Fifty-Six
I can’t stand being in a hospital. Just the smell of it makes me feel queasy. And the germs that could be lurking in the air, and on any surface. The germaphobe in me is on high alert. I’ve washed my hands so many times my skin is dry and raw.
Worry and bursts of crying wouldn’t let me rest or sleep and thankfully Ditra stayed on the phone with me almost all night long listening to my tearful tirade. I couldn’t stop replaying my entire history with Blue in my head. I analyzed every memory, every word spoken, every action and reaction. I’m sure I must have missed some big clue that should’ve set a bell off in my head that something was wrong, but I didn’t.
What I missed were hundreds of tiny clues. Some were cleverly hidden, and some were plain as day now that I’m looking for them, but not at all obvious at the time. The man I love with all my heart and soul was struggling in ways I can’t even comprehend and I had absolutely no idea it was even going on.
A lump of sadness and regret sits in my throat that I can’t swallow away. I let Blue down, I was blind and deaf to his pain, and I almost lost him.
How could I not know? What the hell was wrong with me?
Now I can’t help but wonder—was he ever really happy, or was it all some kind of mirage he created?
“You never truly know a person,” Ditra said last night. Maybe she’s right.
Over the years Blue and I have spent hours upon hours talking. We’ve touched each other in every way imaginable, been as close as two people can possibly be. I’ve tasted him, swallowed him, slept with him, woken with him. I’ve laughed with him and cried with him.
So how did this side of him slip through the cracks? Was I always too distracted with our relationship to notice? Did he purposely distract me so I wouldn’t see?
Reece and I meet up at the hospital at nine a.m., and the nurse can only tell us Blue is in stable condition because the doctor isn’t available to speak to us. We wait in the waiting room until noon, when Reece convinces me to walk down to the hospital café to grab something to eat. He admits to me over lunch that he also was up all night asking himself the same questions and beating himself up.
As we’re walking back to our designated waiting room, Reece stops short and stares at a woman standing in the main lobby of the hospital, who’s leaning over the reception desk.
“Ho-ly shit,” he mutters under his breath. “I can’t believe she came.”
I squint at the woman with the long, jet black hair who looks vaguely familiar to me. She appears to be in her early fifties, beautiful and very well dressed, with an air of class and control about her.
“I want to see him right now.” I can hear her berating the nurse. “You get the doctor immediately. Do you know who I am? Who he is?”
“Who is that?” I ask Reece, glancing up at him. I know I’ve seen her before, but I cannot for the life of me place her face.
“It’s Ellie Von Bleu, the opera singer.”
I shake my head in confusion, not knowing who that is but of course I know that last name.
“Blue’s sister,” Reece adds, as if I should already know this.
My God. Suddenly it hits me. She’s the woman from the park I saw years ago. The one who Blue said he stopped to chat with. She gave Acorn a tennis ball.
The room spins and I lean against Reece for balance. I had no idea Blue had a sister. He never mentioned her—other than that day in the park when he described her as just a girl he talked to sometimes.
“He’s never mentioned her,” I say. “How does she even know he’s here?”
“I called her last night. I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t sure she would actually come.”
I stare at him with mounting anger.
“You could’ve told me. Do I have to be kept in the dark about everything? I’m his fiancée and I have no idea what’s going on. Now relatives are coming out of the woodwork and I feel like an idiot.”
He blows out a breath of frustration. “I’m sorry, I just didn’t want to add more confusion to the mix if I didn’t have to. I told you, I didn’t think she’d show up. They haven’t seen each other in years.”