No Tomorrow

God. He’s right.

Ellie isn’t gone for more than twenty minutes when she comes back to the waiting room. I practically jump on her like a starving wild animal.

“How is he? Is he all right? Is he in a lot of pain? What did he say?”

Reece touches my arm. “Piper, give her a sec.”

I am giving her a sec.

She falls into one of the chairs and sighs. “He’s a mess of casts and bandages and cuts and bruises. He looks like he went through a hurricane. It’s dreadful.”

“Oh my God…”

“But he’s going to be fine.” She grabs my hand. “He’s going to heal, maybe get a little plastic surgery for that cut on his face, but he’ll be good as new, Piper. It’s going to take a while, of course, and he’s going to need some physical therapy, but his body will heal.”

“Good,” Reece says with relief, but I’m still stuck on the plastic surgery comment. How deep did he get cut? “Did he talk at all?”

“Very little. He seemed surprised to see me, which I expected. His usual attitude is still there.”

“But what did he say?” I ask impatiently.

“If you really want to know, he said he fucked this up just like he fucks everything else up.”

Reece scoffs and shakes his head. “So typical,” he says.

I’m crushed speechless. Blue actually thinks living is a failure? Does that mean he wishes he had died and still wants to die?

Why?

“He asked to see you,” Ellie says to Reece, further annihilating my heart. “You have to see the nurse before you go in, she’ll tell you what you have to take off. Like your shoelaces. And we’re not supposed to ask him questions about why he did it, or say anything to guilt him or upset him in any way.”

Confusion and heartache have me at a total loss for words as I watch Reece leave the room.

Blue must want to see me last. That’s why he asked to see Reece before me.

“You don’t want to see him like this, honey,” Ellie says. “He’s such a handsome man. You don’t want to see him all bruised and swollen and cut up, trust me. It’s not a pretty sight.”

Does she really think I wouldn’t want to see him? Has this woman ever loved a man before? “I want to see him no matter what, Ellie. I just want to tell him I love him and I’m here for him. I want to tell him we’ll get through this together, so he knows he’s not alone in this anymore.”

Chapter Fifty-Eight

Oops.

I fucked that jump up hardcore.

At the time it seemed right. Quick. Easy. Painless. The perfect tragic and messy ending. The bird was talking to me again. He hadn’t for a while, but then he showed up—when I was exhausted and strung out on uppers and downers and all-arounders. He sat on my shoulder and watched me read all the comments online about what a coward I am. How I’ve wrecked the band. How the fans hate me. How pathetic I am.

I was a fool to think life was going good. Was I really stupid enough to think I could just leave the band, marry my girl, escape everything, and live happily ever after?

I shoulda known I couldn’t go quietly.

Then the bird started.

It’s time to end the madness, Blue.

It’s way overdue.

You can’t escape. They won’t let you.

You don’t have to hurt anymore.

Nobody loves you. I do, though.

Everyone else hates you. You’re a disappointment. A quitter. A freak.

Piper and Lyric will be embarrassed of you. You’ll be a has-been.

Remember when it was just you and me? Remember how good it was?

Come up here. Near the trees. You can fly!

You can be free!

And here I am, all fucked up, numbed out on approved medication. Another failure to add to my list of many. I feel sick and cut open like someone put a window in me and they’re all looking inside—seeing the river of disease in my veins. Everyone knows my secrets now.

I sorta feel relieved—for the same reason. Because everyone knows the real me now.

I don’t have to hide anymore. It’s been exhausting.

They’ll take care of me now. They’ll let me rest. Maybe they can make it all stop.

Is that even possible? To make it all stop?

Reece is standing near the door, the next in line after the sister I barely know. I laugh at how she calls herself family. Like that title gives her special privileges. I remember you, Ellie. I watched you leave.

I force myself to stop laughing, because judgmental eyes are everywhere.

“You look like shit,” I tell Reece.

He smirks. “So do you.”

“Turns out I can’t fly.”

“Did you think you could?” he asks, sitting in the chair next to the bed. He’s not wearing shoes and his feet look strangely comforting here in soft white socks.

“The bird said I could. He said I could fly out of this world and get away from all the shit that hurts.”