No Tomorrow

“But how is that fair for you? Isn’t this almost abusive? You get your heart broken and now what? What happens to your wedding plans? You’re just in limbo now? Left to be an emotional mess all by yourself? I’m sorry, Piper, but I don’t like this at all. I feel bad he’s sick but damn, you do not need or deserve this at all, and neither does Lyric. What are you going to tell her now that he’s going to be out of her life for who knows how long while he’s at some glorified spa?”

That’s another hurdle that I’ve sat up at night thinking about.

“I’m going to tell her he’s touring with the band and it’s taken longer than we thought. I’ll have to take it one day at a time with her. The last thing I want to do is turn her against him in any way. Reece thinks that when Blue is feeling better that hopefully he’ll call her and keep their communication and relationship going. She doesn’t have to know where he really is.”

“Hello? She’s not a baby anymore. She reads. She goes online. She’s going to find out what happened eventually. Some web sites are already speculating and spreading rumors.”

My breath catches in my throat. “What? Already? Are you serious?”

She nods. “Yeah. Billy has been watching to see if anything popped up and a few of the rock music forums have some threads started. I think he said right now they’re saying he’s in rehab and had a meltdown after announcing the break-up of the band, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they dig up the truth. They always do.”

“Shit.” I lean my head into my palm. “I can’t believe this.”

“This is what I’m saying. Is all this really worth it? Do you really want this to be your life? Don’t you want nice and calm and….” She pauses and struggles for words. “Normal? No insanity? Like me and Billy have? You guys aren’t married. You can still leave him and no one would blame you at all. You’re allowed to walk away, Piper.”

My blood is close to boiling from her hammering. She will never understand that leaving Blue is not even an option in my mind.

The buildings and trees outside blur by as we drive past, and I stare at them in a daze. That’s how my life feels right now, like a dizzy blur, everything just fading into each other with no clear beginning or end. Ditra is right that I’m in a limbo. I hate it, and I wish I could change it, but I also have come to terms with it.

This is my life—the life I share with Blue.

“I love him, Ditra. That’s all there is to it. I don’t need to say the vows, they’ve been in my heart forever. Better or worse, sickness and in health—whatever life throws at us. I’m in it one thousand percent.”

“I think you’re totally crazy….” She shakes her head and glances over at me. “But I also respect the hell out of you, too. I just hope you’re okay through all this. I kinda love you, ya know.”

“Then just be here for me, Dee,” I almost beg. “Don’t bash Blue, or my feelings for him. Just be my friend, please. That’s what I need.”

She reaches across the car and grabs my hand, squeezing it hard in hers. She lets out a long sigh as she stares out at the road in front of us.

“Fine. If that’s what you want, you got it. I don’t want to lose you,” she says softly. “But I have one request. I want you to see a therapist. I’ll go with you if you want. I just think we have to take care of you, too, because it’s not just about him. You matter just as much. He’s not the only one messed up here, Piper. You are, too, and it’s been building up for a long time. Lyric needs at least one of her parents to be mentally stable.”

I nod in agreement, afraid to speak because a flood of tears is threatening to come pouring out.

Chapter Sixty

Every time my cell phone rings, I jump and grab it, hoping it’s Blue. Today marks eight weeks since I left California, so when my phone rings I’m hoping all kinds of hope that it’s him, but it’s Reece’s number on my screen.

“Hi,” I say as my stomach twists into knots of anxiety.

“Hey. How are you guys doing?”

I get up from the couch and move to my bedroom so Lyric can’t hear my conversation. “We’re good. Nothing new, just doing our usual stuff.” The usual being crying most of the night while hugging Blue’s pillow, seeing a therapist twice per week, and eating my weight in ice cream and lattes.

“Good.”

“How are you doing?”