The Cowboy's Pride and Joy

Jake flinched, shook his head and tossed extra hay to one of the horses. “Nobody said anything about love.”

“And that’s a damn shame because if you can’t say it, like as not, you’ll lose it.”

Jake’s chest felt tight, as if there were an iron band squeezing his middle until his lungs could hardly draw air. Lose Cassie. He’d already lived without her once and didn’t want to go back to the dark emptiness that his life had become in her absence.

But love? Love was dangerous. Love meant opening yourself to pain. Hadn’t he had enough damn pain in his life already?

Ben stood there looking at him and Jake caught the sympathy in the older man’s gaze. Rolling his shoulders, he shrugged off the pity and told himself he didn’t want it. Didn’t need it. He was in charge of his life and he wouldn’t make apologies for the decisions he made. Even if those decisions cost him the one thing he wanted most.

“I had forty-nine years with your grandmother, Jake,” Ben was saying softly, “and I wouldn’t trade one moment of that time for all the treasure in the world.”

Jake sighed at the reminder. His grandparents had the love story that most people only dreamed of, he knew that. Which was one of the reasons his spectacular failure with Lisa had torn the ground out from under his feet. He had expected the same kind of marriage. But maybe, he thought, he shouldn’t have. He’d gone into that relationship too quickly, closing his eyes to who Lisa really was. Because he had wanted what his grandparents had shared. What his parents had found together before his father died.

When he didn’t get it, Jake admitted silently, he’d shut down, refusing to try again. But who the hell could blame him? Lisa had made everyone’s life a misery until she’d done him the supreme favor of leaving him. Hell, he’d take another tour of active duty in a war zone over going through that kind of marriage again.

Defensive, he asked, “Is there a point to this?”

“Yeah,” Ben told him with a shake of his head. “The point is, don’t be a jackass.”

Jake snorted in spite of the thoughts racing through his mind. “Can always count on you to call it like you see it.”

Ben sighed heavily and looked at him as if he were a huge disappointment, and Jake flinched under the uncomfortable feeling.

“You’re a stubborn one. Always have been.”

“Wonder where I got it?” Jake mused.

Snorting, Ben acknowledged, “Came by it naturally, that’s for damn sure. Anyway, I’m here to tell you your mother wants to talk to you. She’s on the phone in my place.”

Jake was in no mood to talk to his mother. Her threat to take his son from Cassie was too fresh in his mind. “I’m busy.”

“Jake...”

Stubborn, Jake reminded himself. His whole damn family was stubborn so it was pointless to try to avoid this call. His mother would only call back until she got hold of him. Best to just get it done now.

“Fine.” He had a few things to say to her anyway. Maybe he could figure out just what she had been up to by threatening Cassie. That kind of move wasn’t like his mother. She wasn’t mean or vicious, so why even pretend to be willing to take Luke? There was something his mother wasn’t telling him and now was as good a time as any to figure out what that was.

He leaned the pitchfork against the stable wall. “A man can’t have five minutes to his damn self around this place. It’s dogs and kids and women and grandfathers and now mothers.”

Ben chuckled as Jake stomped out of the barn, and hearing that muffled laughter didn’t improve Jake’s mood any. Love. He wasn’t in love. He was madly in lust, he knew that much for sure. But love wasn’t something he was looking for.

Jake headed toward Ben’s place and deliberately avoided looking at the main house. Once inside, Jake savored the warmth and tried to ignore the scent of pine that permeated the rooms. The power was back on and the Christmas tree lights shone brighter than ever, as if now that they were free of the generator, they were determined to light up at least this one small corner of the world.

His gaze drawn inevitably to the main house despite his efforts, he looked through the windows and pictured her inside. He knew that Cassie would have the lights she’d strung around the main room blazing. She was probably playing with Luke or maybe baking more Christmas cookies since he and the hands had eaten all of the batch she’d made the day before.

She’d made herself a part of this place. A part of him. And losing her was going to kill him.