My Secret Fantasies

The ragged growl didn’t come from his mouth so much as it reverberated inside him. I felt it in my breasts, where my body touched his. Desire leaped to life inside me with new fierceness. I wrapped my arms all the way around his neck and deepened our kiss.

Damien responded in kind, his lips claiming mine fully. The hard length of his erection strained against my hip, the heat of him all but searing the fabric of my pajama pants.

He broke the kiss for a moment, gazing down at me in the dimness with hazel eyes lit by a fire within.

“Let me take you upstairs.” He wrapped his hands around my back, making me realize that a stair tread had been digging into my spine, before he eased me away from it.

“No,” I said quickly. Then, seeing the flicker of confusion in his gaze, I backpedaled. “It’s not that I want to stop. I just...I’m afraid if we move, I’ll...”

Freeze up? Have second thoughts?

I wasn’t sure how to finish my sentence without revealing too much. Maybe I already had.

“Is everything okay?” He shifted away a fraction of an inch. Maybe he was only trying to give me room to breathe or room to think. But instead, I just felt the cold creeping in, and old insecurities rising up inside me.

You’ll never be half the woman your sister is.... The damning words from my past blared across my consciousness.

“Fine.” It sounded like the lie that it was.

Damien’s hands started to slide away, so I held them in place with mine. I wished I had the superpower to reverse time. I definitely wanted to rewind a few minutes.

“Wait.” I tried to think how to explain myself. I didn’t want to alienate him, and not just because I wanted to purchase the farm stand. I liked him. A lot.

I’d deal with what that meant later. Right now, I couldn’t afford to ignore those sensual feelings he’d inspired in me that no one else could.

He stilled. Kept his hands where I wanted them. But there was a definite distance between us now. One that would remain unless I said something.

“The kiss was amazing.” Just thinking about it stirred my insides and made me long to try it again. “And I would like more of them. More of—everything. I’m just going through some things that I’m still trying to sort out.”

His shoulders straightened as he tensed.

“You care about...some other guy?”

“God, no.” I shook my head. “Just the opposite. I’m still processing a lot of negative feelings for a megajerk in my past.”

Some of the tension left him. Not all. He glanced down at where his hand rested just above my hip, and then he stroked that place softly with his fingers.

So. Nice.

“Is he the reason you left L.A.?”

A small, pleasurable shiver went through me at his touch.

“He’s more the reason I left Nebraska.” As soon as I said it, I realized that I sounded like a giant loser to still be wading through old baggage from six years ago. Obviously, I needed to try and explain myself. “He broke up with me to marry my sister, which was good and bad, since it kept him away from me, but also put another barrier between me and my family.” Not that we’d ever gotten along all that well before. I’d been the afterthought daughter my whole life. “Then, five months ago, he finalized a divorce from Nina and now...I don’t want to make it too easy for him to find me.”

He’d left a voice mail message for me a few weeks ago saying he was planning a trip to the West Coast. That he’d see me soon. No way was I waiting for that to happen.

Damien’s jaw worked as he frowned. “Did he hurt you?”

“Emotionally? Yes. Physically, no.” I sighed, realizing I might as well just tell him. “He dated me when I was seventeen and going through a lot of stuff—on the rebound from being jilted at a homecoming dance, super insecure because I was the family black sheep and a bit overweight. Anyway, I really did like him for a while and he was the first guy I was ever with.” I didn’t add that Rick was also the only guy I’d ever been with. Instead, I met Damien’s gaze and was grateful he hadn’t moved away from me. “I thought I was in love.”

“How old is this guy?” His fingers kept up their soft circling above my hip.

“Three years older than me.” I tugged the cashmere throw higher on my shoulders. “The same age as Nina.”

Damien nodded. “He broke up with you to marry your sister?”

“Pretty much.” I didn’t need to share all the sordid details to show what a bastard he’d been, lording it over me how much “better” my sister was when it came to pleasing a guy. It was easy to see how sick that was now. Back then, I’d kind of believed it. Nina was better than me at everything. Honor student, teacher’s favorite, regional dressage champion... The list went on. “But then the rat bastard still tried to two-time us by coming on to me at family parties and basically manhandling me whenever he thought no one else could see.”