Breaking Perfect

“Has she ever talked to someone professionally about this?”

“Yes, she has an incredible therapist by the name of Dr. Young who helped her make sense of her past. We still see her from time to time, but for the most part, once Libby left that unhealthy environment, cut off her mother, and was surrounded by people who loved and accepted her, she started making breakthroughs. She has a nice relationship with my sister and my mom adores her. Believe it or not, what Eric did was nothing compared to her mother’s refusal to believe her. KarLyn sided with a man who preyed on her daughter. Eric’s dead and can never hurt Libby again, but she’ll always know her mother is never going to believe her and will probably blame her for the rest of her miserable life.”

Sean blew out a long breath. “Fuck. That’s a lot of shit for one girl to deal with in a lifetime. And Liberty’s young, man. Christ, I don’t know how she can handle all those demons.”

“She’s amazing and a lot stronger than she gives herself credit for. She has setbacks, but we work through them. I’ve only ever had to call Dr. Young once when she went into crisis mode and that was eleven months ago because her mother called here. I have since blocked KarLyn’s number and had my attorney contact her with legal threats of what would happen if she tried contacting Liberty again.”

“What about the other day?”

“What about it?”

Sean shook his head. “I saw Liberty scald her hands while making me lunch and then the day before when she was all jumpy and shit.”

“That’s nothing. We can deal with that. I talked to her about the water incident. She knows it’s a choice. I told her if she chooses to harm herself again I’d adjust the hot water heater so that all she can get is water temperature suitable for children. She doesn’t want to do these things, so I believe she’ll try her best to make better choices. She also hates feeling as though she’s disappointing me. I only care about her safety and happiness though. I understand we all have our own crosses to bear and sometimes we stumble. And more than anything else, Liberty is honest with me. She may use avoidance at times, but if I ask the right question she’ll give me an honest answer. I don’t accept lies between us.”

“But don’t you think what we’re doing could end in a disaster for her?”

Mason thought for several moments. “Here’s what I think. Because of Liberty’s past, she’s taken longer than most to accept herself as a sexual being and not link her urges with shame and guilt. I want to encourage her to explore this side of herself. I would never allow a man other than you to touch my wife. For some reason you’re different. And there’s something else that I know you can help me with…”

Sean looked uneasy. “What?”

“You have an edge, Sean. I remember the way you were as a lover. I know the kind of things you enjoy and I believe you’re responsible enough to know how to incorporate certain things into sex without risking anyone’s safety.”

Sean frowned. “Tell me you aren’t suggesting what I think you are? Mase, how the fuck is that going to help a girl like Liberty? That could seriously fuck her up! I mean she’s been through enough.” He began to stand and Mason grabbed his arm.

He looked up at him in all seriousness. “Wait. Think about it. There is something about the pain that eases her. When she loses the battle to her OCD she has incredible guilt. The guilt triggers the need to punish herself. The physical pain exorcises the emotional pain. I know she has it under control for the most part, but don’t think I don’t know she sneaks in little ways to hurt herself here and there. It’s like cutting. It’s all part of the spectrum of self-mutilation as a form of relief. It’s tied to self-loathing and creates a pain that’s real, opposed to the ones we can’t see. What if we could give her that relief, but in a safe and controlled way? What if…if I could do that for her and maybe she could finally be okay with who she is and stop harming herself.”

Mason’s voice broke. He hated that there were certain things he couldn’t fix for Liberty. His teeth ground together as he fought the urge to get in his car, drive to Florida, and shoot KarLyn in the fucking face. He blinked hard and tried to center his emotions and cool the rage burning inside of him.

Looking down, he pleaded, “She isn’t as fragile as she seems. I know I treat her like glass sometimes, but I’m working on it. I know she’s strong. I don’t want her to still be battling these demons when she’s thirty or forty years old. We could help. I know we can and we can do it in a safe way. Do you know what it’s like to watch someone you love suffer and know that there is nothing you can do to help? It’s an awful, impotent feeling. I think pushing her, using an edge, erotic intensity, can help her. I don’t know enough to risk it on my own, but you do.”