Rock 'n' Roll Baby

“As a reminder, anything you end up throwing we’re going to have to clean,” I remind the two.

Benjy heaves out a sigh and puts his can of beer back on the table. “Let’s get out of here,” he suggests.

“Sure,” I shrug. “Where?”

“I have an idea.”

“Yeah? What’s that?”

Nick wiggles his eyebrows. “Leave it to me and my massive dick.”

“I don’t want anything to do with your dick,” I tell him.

“Same. Hard same from me,” Benjy chimes.

“Trust me!” Nick says.

We should not have trusted him. The outside of the establishment is harmless enough. It’s got an all brick front and no signage. It’s the no signage that is the dead giveaway. That and the endless stream of sausage walking through the entrance. It might as well have a neon sign that says strip club.

“No.” I turn back to get into the cab, but it’s already sped away.

“Come on, man. This will be fun. You don’t even have to touch. That costs extra. We’re just going to unwind.” Nick tries to cajole me.

“No.” I open my rideshare app.

“This isn’t a terrible idea,” Benjy says.

I glance at him over the edge of my phone. “Not you, too.” Is he still feeling the sting of rejection from the beach babes? “There’s gonna be so many girls after you once we go on tour,” l promise them.

“It’s not that.” Benjy shakes his head. “It’s unhealthy how you’ve just ignored the evidence that Cherry has moved on. She knew that telling you that you were breaking up wasn’t gonna work. You wouldn’t accept it. So she’s providing you visible evidence that she’s got a new life. And it doesn’t include you. I didn’t wanna say anything before because it sucks, but I think it’s just time for you to let her go. That’s what she wants.”

“No.” But even as I say the word, I realize I’m confirming Benjy‘s statement. No matter what Cherry said to me, I wouldn’t believe her. If she said she wanted to break up, I would assume that it’s because she thinks I want to break up or that the distance is too much for me to handle. Haven’t I told her time and again that she just needs to wait for me? I scrub my hand across my mouth. All I’ve ever wanted in this world is for Cherry to be happy, but what if her happiness includes a life without me? Is my love for her that real? I lick my suddenly very dry lips. “I still need the words.”

“Then ask her. You’ve been ignoring it for the past couple weeks. Straight-out ask her. Has she moved on?”

“And tell her you understand so she doesn’t feel like shit,” Nick adds.

So that’s what I do even though it makes me want to puke.

Cherry. I’ve seen some stuff from back home and it makes me think you are moving on from me. I just want to know if that’s how you really feel. Because I love you but I don’t want to hold you down. You should be happy. If you don’t want to come to LA. If you’re happy doing what you’re doing. Then I’m happy.

I stare at the message. I don’t want to send it. But if my selfishness is making her miserable, then that’s the wrong kind of love.

Chapter Twenty

Cherry

I stare down at the phone in shock. I push the pizza I’d been eating away, no longer hungry. He’s seen stuff from back home? What kind of stuff? What does that even mean? He’s been acting weird this past week. I thought maybe it was all the stress he was under to try to get the tracks down so I didn’t ask too much.

Then I thought it might have bothered him when I moved out into the trailer. He said it was a great idea but since then things have been different. I don’t know what has changed, but the space between us keeps growing. I keep trying to make the best decisions for the both of us, but it seems I’m only making things worse.

“What?” Brian snatches my phone out of my hand, reading the text.

“What the fuck does that mean? He doesn’t have the balls to call you?” I open my mouth to defend Linc, but no words come out. Why didn’t he call me? This is not something you discuss over a text. We’ve been through a lot of things together, and if he was feeling a certain type of way, he should have picked up the phone.

“Do you think it sounds like he thinks I’m cheating?” I ask Brian to make sure I’m not reading it wrong. I have to say the fact that he thinks I would do that to him burns my butt. I’ve been nothing but loyal and supportive of him and his career.